Adventure Taxonomy

We may divide adventures into sadventures and madventures. Or rather, we may not, but I want to. There are also whimsy adventures, pride adventures, philosophical adventures, surreal adventures, and perhaps most prominent, love adventures, but actually most prominent, money adventures. Some might say a money adventure as the sadventurest of all, but those people have either too much or not enough money.

Observed Creation Dynamics

A certain philosopher, curious as to whether snow is a special case of rain or rain a special case of snow, decided on this experiment, that he would create a new world and wait to see which weather phenomenon would occur first, reasoning that inherent decay causes later instances to sway from the original at an increasing frequency. After creating that world, he built on it a cabin with an accessible roof where he waited.
Long before his commendable patience met a test, two figures descended from the sky. One was a man, or one might say the man, for he was huge and perfect in all his parts so that the philosopher operating by established ideas concluded him to be the original. The other was a monster similarly perfect, but in horror, so that he wondered whether its eight wings and twelve horns and its twin stinging tails were of skin, scale, or the force which corrodes.
The two fell instantly to battle. Resting his judgment on similitude, the philosopher cheered for the original man, who after mighty blows did conquer his foe. The fiend screamed with such vigor that doubtless evil would never thereafter be expunged from the world and melted into a column which stretched above the sky for a few seconds before dissipating. The perfect man planted his sword then and spoke.
"I have won another planet for humans who will people it so soon as the rain or snow or ice or water come, which are all arrangements of other things I see no reason to describe or name." He too became first a column and then nothing.
The philosopher returned to record the experiment's outcome. When he published the account, he was greatly puzzled at the widespread interest in what he considered to be the less important aspects.
Finis

Advent of the Skelemancer

"Allow me to state that, while I did not and do not object to this invitation, I do object to calling him 'the Skelemancer" for the simple act of having a skeleton walk around while on fire, as though that were some defining deed. Mobile skeletons are a common trick."
"Speaking respectfully, when did you try to set fire to bone before, and how long did that fire last, presuming you succeeded?"
"Oh. I was distracted by the less important part, and I rescind my criticism."
The Learned Fellows of Trijna resumed waiting for their guest in complete serenity. Neither the state nor the wait lasted long, for when Jumo i Zuza entered, the man who lately had gained a reputation as the Skelemancer, he had with him a companion startling even to those who thought themselves informed.
"Is that a crystal skeleton? What beast provided the materials?"
"Does this chill I feel have a physical element, or is it nothing but awe which causes it?"
"Learned fellows! I begin the lecture now. This is a human skeleton to which I applied the principle of hardening! I have proved to my satisfaction that this world consists of substrates and processes. Our system of elements is jumbled with some of each, but by experimentation we will reduce it to sanity. I have applied flame, a process, to bone, and replaced water with bone as the substrate for the hardening action which produces ice. And next . . ."
"Surely you do not intend to apply the motion of air to produce farting skeletons! What of dignity?"
Jumo i Zuza raised his arms. "There is no dignity in ignorance."
"This title of Skelemance, if anything, is insufficient for this man, a true Skelosopher!"
Finis

The Manufacture of Legacy

A philosopher, in need of a new project to entertain his intellect, decided to create a new humanity, reasoning he could hardly make something worse than the existing kind. He gathered together clay and iron, a lot of water and a little fire, the essential ingredients in his perception, and began to sculpt.
For years he worked at it, not exclusively but with dedication. He refined the features ("They lack even such beauty as the coarser type possesses"), adjusted the proportions ("To think I ran out of water"), and developed screens to keep away insects, an invention which earned him the praise of society.
After dozens of attempts he came up with something he thought serviceable, enough that he made it the model for several variations in order to start them out with a community, something necessary for the new humans just as much as for the old.
That accomplished, he went about his usual business and waited for his humans to come to life, which they did. They died the next day.
Saddened but encouraged, the philosopher made more, and more, and more, gradually perfecting them till at last he had produced the new humanity. Full of pride, he asked his peers whether they had ever seen anything so amazing.
"Sure. My kids."
"Yeah, you could have saved yourself a lot of trouble if you'd just had kids, but I guess that isn't the philosopher way."
"This isn't the same thing at all!" The philosopher's objections went ignored, and later, he did wonder.
Finis

Riparian Philosophy

One day, a philosopher saw a river and decided to think about it. He thought, he pondered, he conjectured, and he even meditated despite his aversion to the practice. However, whatever he did, he only became more agitated.
"It is impossible to think about the same river twice! How frustrating it is. What am I to do?"
Just then, a god materialized. "Become my champion and change the underlying processes of the world!"
"Oh, a god. I'd rather think about you than this river."
"By all means."
The philosopher considered, contemplated, and scrutinized the god, despite the violation of alliteration. He became unnerved as a result.
"It's really quite strange to think about the same thing twice. This must be one of the properties of the gods, that you are static."
"It is," the god confirmed. "Now that you understand that much, farewell."
The god disappeared, and for the rest of his life the philosopher was able to incorporate dynamism into his philosophies properly.
Finis

Practicality in Philosophy

Impractical, irresponsible, unmoored from reality. Such were the criticisms of philosophy in those days that inspired countless practitioners to advocate for the field as well as their own philosophies in particular. One among them, however, restrained himself from reacting to the jeers in any shallow way. He instead considered how best to prove how his mental exercises might be applied to everyday matters.
After he conquered the world, no one denied the validity of his theories. The public consigned all other philosophers to obscurity if not early graves, and his intellectual heirs strove against one another when, for all that he had reached the heights of human knowledge, he died.
After centuries of that, one ambitious philosopher pondered an idea that promised to bring about a revolution in thinking: "Maybe it wasn't his philosophy that allowed him to conquer the world. He was like level 250 or something, after all."
Finis

Boxing Day Gift Ideas

The consolation of philosophy!
A helping hand in times of trouble!
Free hug any time!
Leftover meatloaf!
A book of crossword puzzles that are all partially filled out!

Food for Thought

If casters are so much stronger than martials, why don't they so much as exist?

The Most Stinging Loss

While the adults talked of adult things, the children met up with their cast-off flutes and their patched drums. They played songs together, or that was how they thought of it, and those unskilled sounds brought a man who heard them to reminisce.
"Long ago, in Palthea, they banned music and dancing. Did you ever hear about that?"
The other adults admitted they had never known that about Palthea, and therefore he elaborated for them. "They banned it back when, oh, must have been when Turer IV was alive. He succeeded his uncle who was known as a bit of a, well, there was a public appetite for finer morals after that. There was a whole downpour of new restrictions and such. Anything sounded good to people as long as it sounded likely to make someone less happy.
"Most of them were pulled back in the years and decades following, when people got to thinking they had overdone it, but the prohibitions on music and dance stayed. You'd never have recognized it as a human country if you'd seen it. Not a single instrument, not a voice raised a pure expression of joy.
"Well, the consequences couldn't be avoided for long. Palthea became the best governed country there was. It surged ahead in philosophy, in science, in history, and economics. They had long conversations and spoke in paragraphs with subordinate clauses. They didn't try to speak in lyrics, like they hoped to write the next big hit. Didn't have much time for putting things all emotional, either. Just communication and reason. Pretty soon, Palthea was the greatest country in the world. If you ever wondered why we're nothing but a dependent on Palthea's good will, well, you can stop wondering about it now."
"Maybe we should ban music too."
"Maybe we should. Maybe we should have done that a long time ago." The adults looked at the children, who were just getting into an argument about what song they should mangle, and they thought a lot of new things.
Finis

Food for Thought

We all know fantasy can be used to explore ideas unthinkable in the real world and train our intellects to recognize unnatural concepts. But which ones? Try these on for size.

Magic is real, but in a fun way.
Magic is real, but in an unfun way.
People read more than the first of words of anything.
The bones of dead people are a threat for some reason.
Nobles are no better than commoners.
I mean, they managed to die when they still had muscles and brains. What are they going to do now?
Children can be useful.

All these and more are possible. Don't be afraid to dream!

The Qualifications of Monarchy

"Once, the country suffered defeat in the north, in the south, the west, and on the sea. The people wondered, what was the reason for their ceaseless defeats? Was it their courage that was lacking? The quality of their arms? The favor of the gods?
"'The difference is this,' one of the captains of the people told them. 'Our neighbors select a single head for their body, a man surpassing the rest in excellence who prepares them in peace and manages them in war. They call these men kings. We can never overcome them as long as our captains dispute with one another and follow various counsels.'
"The people went to the richest man among them, and therefore the wisest, and asked for his help. 'Choose for us a man to prepare us in peace and manage us in war. Raise up a king, so we will lose no more. You would be our choice were you not so old, but point out who is second-best.' The rich man thought and pondered and considered, and at last he chose a man.
"The people were puzzled when he told them his choice. 'That man cannot be said to surpass the rest in excellence. He cannot be called second-best. Why have you chosen for us this man who is not tall, not rich, not handsome, not witty, not brave, and not charming? What makes this man a king?'
"The rich man told them, 'Your king will hold all power in his hands. He will collect revenues such as no one of you could earn. His relatives will rise to high positions, however little they deserve it. You will bow to him and flatter him and follow his commands. And you say he should be better than you as well? Nonsense! Envy would destroy you as surely as our enemies. I give you this man that you might look down on him whom you raise up. In no other way will you be able to bear his rule.'
"The people did as he said and reversed their fortunes. They defeated all their neighbors and extracted tribute from them. All their affairs prospered. From that time we learned always to revere the authority of the king if not his person and never, ever think of rebelling no matter how weak or incompetent he appears. Then least of all."
"Wow, thanks for the story, Mr. Royal Archivist! And thanks to the king for being the king even though he's terrible at it! Long live the king!"
"It was my pleasure, kids. I'll pass your kind wishes on to my uncle the next time I see him."
Finis

Trends and Philosophy

I was checking to see if sonicwasnevergood.com was available when disquieting thoughts attacked me. Is Sonic a hero who seems edgy but isn't? He certainly isn't edgy, but does he seem edgy? He certainly has a lot of spikes. Quills. Whatever. And yet, he's a pudgy little guy who looks at his watch all the time. Bankers and railroad personnel aren't edgy.
I don't think anyone today would call Sonic edgy, but maybe that's the highest form of seeming to be edgy but not being so. His true nature shines forth with such strength as to blind us to his spikes and his speed, the special ability of choice for edgelords everywhere.

The Nature of Conflict

"If sorry solved anything, we wouldn't need mind control." - Thomas Hobbes