Approaches to Proselytization

One day came a prophet to the city who already in the country had inspired many followers, and he said, "Heed! He exists, the god who is called Ryabunav because of his thunder and because of his rain, Tulanav. As Ptiggo he causes the sun to rise and while Ohheph watches its setting, and between he is Xwud the judge. Heed the preventer of rout Quordn and Bhaeg the router! He gives to the faithful and takes from the unfaithful, and in either case he calculates perfectly, for he is Ithrew."
The people of the city listened and said this. "Who has more names than one?"
"An exile does."
"A criminal certainly. A heinous one who has been driven out from every other city."
"Think you rather that he is an indecisive god and childish? My son one day thinks he is a bull and the next a hound."
"Whoever he is, he will forgive me for refusing him my prayers, for I have not the time for them that are as lengthy as that."
The prophet withdrew among jeers such as those.
The following day, a prophet to the city came and spoke in this wise. "Heed the word of the mightiest god!" Then he shrugged. "But why should I speak of it? Likely you have never heard of him and are ignorant in all matters. Which road takes me to the next city?"
The people of the city, without exception, soon worshipped that god.
Finis

The Too-True Meaning of Christmas

One winter, the priests of Wessario and the people all joined together in supplication, chanting, "Great Farden, the sun in the day and the sun in the night, the bridge across every chasm, the inventor of what is good and imprisoner of what is improper, answer our prayer and our question."
Farden stepped among them, glittering, and said, "What is your question, mortals?"
Everyone knelt except those who fell prostrate. "Great Farden, this wonderful celebration, this Christmas, what is it? Why do we celebrate it?"
Farden smiled at their simplicity. "Christmas is simply the day we choose to commemorate the birth of the Savior, the Son of God." "You have a son, O Farden?"
"Uh . . ."
"Where is he? What is his name? What are his powers?"
Farden looked upon the radiant faces of the mortals as they pressed closer and closer. He gulped. "Uh, well, you see . . . Here, drink from this flask. Be merry and whatnot."
As the people passed around the miraculous flask Farden gave them, they forgot all about that stuff he really, really shouldn't have said. He listened to a bunch of carols later and hoped Santa wouldn't mind a little memory-erasing, though the bigger problem was probably reaching other worlds like his in the first place.

Merry Christmas!
Finis

Holiday Implications

In the future, when we colonize far-flung planets, which we will and I don't want to hear any naysaying, people are going to argue about when holidays should be held. You thought this Easter kerfuffle was all settled, but get ready for Space Easter.

More Food for Thought

If paladins keep falling, why do the gods keep making them?

Addendum

Which Titus Flavius Vespavianus didn't say that quotation? Does it matter? I submit that it does not.

Profound Quotations

"A cult is a religion with better fashion sense." - Titus Flavius Vespasianus

Q&A

Q. What's the difference between a religion and a cult?
A. Cults are way cooler.