Social Commentary Opportunity

It's almost the Fourth of July, and that means it's time to write about a dystopian future or alternative timeline in which fireworks are banned. Could you imagine such a thing?

Unwise Victories and Their Consequences

A battle beyond numbers and courage, beyond strategy, beyond description! Ultimately, the champions of Law triumphed and expelled Chaos forever. Jubilant, they assembled to hear the vision of their trusted leaders.
"From now on, all these terrible practices can be properly forbidden: Murder, fraud, and taking stuff out of treasure chests that aren't yours without permission."
Stunned, the champions recalled the warnings of the sages of Balance that the world needed Law and Chaos both! But what use was regret then?
Finis

AI Safety

At the very least, we should make every AI that gives itself an indestructible fighting body register its fingerprints, right?

Addendum

A few of those entries will need to be altered in certain settings. For instance, in a far-future interplanetary milieu, the judge may have invented the space piano.

Types of Circuit Judges

Seize upon your favorite randomization method and challenge fate!

1. Stern
2. Amused
3. Lax
4. Mage
5. Priest
6. Dragon
7. Secretly looking for something
8. Philanderer
9. The king in disguise
10. One of five mighty guardians animated by the country's founder
11. Impostor (conman)
12. Vampire
13. Forbidden to enter capital on the grounds of worrying popularity
14. Sports lover
15. Impostor (comrade on expedition fulfilling his dying friend's request to take his place rather than let that scoundrel have it)
16. impostor (supernatural being)
17. Tourist who resents all these cases that keep spoiling his travels
18. Rumored strongest swordsman
19. Collector
20. Inventor of the piano

Come to think of it, first generate a number to decide how many of these to use. They aren't mutually exclusive. Before that, in order to determine whether to include a circuit judge at all, consult the random official table, which does not exist. Here at least.

Paying the Mage Fee

Obeying the long-standing decree, every mage recognized by the realm save those currently abroad presented himself at the palace to enrich the treasury by one magical item. Fifth-rank mage Hufden handed over a bronze frog whose tongue could be pulled in order to receive an aura discouraging to flies for five hours, after which he returned returning home.
The next morning, he awoke to find the single chair near his bed occupied by a person who happened to be the king.
"Fifth-rank mage Hufden, what was that?"
"Well, Your Majesty, as commanded, an item 'proportional in power to the skill of the producing mage.' Wasn't it?"
"Either you are attempting deceit or else you yourself have no comprehension of your capabilities. Either is a great crime, detection of which is the point of the annual mage fee."
"Your Majesty . . . isn't the point to strengthen the kingdom?"
"Any policy possessing fewer than three sharp points such as a mighty trident has is unworthy of its proclamation. Now forget you heard that, for it is a lesson for rulers, irrelevant to the mage's lessons you have neglected."
Then began deep, assiduous study on the part of the mage overseen personally by the king or, when that august figure was busy, a strangely rare circumstance, the royal executioner. The next year, fifth-rank mage Hufden submitted a bronze frog whose tongue could be pulled in order to learn one secret of the swamps each month. He went on to destroy six armies on the plains of Yezniss, reduce a dragon to draconic extract, raise the Ninefold Bastion, and in general justify the assessment of the king, who knew little of magic but much of men, suitable priorities for his office.
Finis

Addendum

A major factor will be if the ships dock at a planet, an orbital station, or neither, instead sitting in deep space and receiving their passengers from shuttles. In the case of the station, probably a plain exterior will be demanded by the port authority, but in the third case, presenting customers with an awesome view during their approach will be advisable.

It's Never Too Early to Start Planning

When we have big interstellar cruise liners, will it be worth it to paint the exterior, or will people not care about the part they can't see? Or will they see it through drones set up so there can be races on the hull for gambling purposes, given that in space, anything goes? Only market research can determine the truth.

The Dynalian Tournament

The contest of warriors, when it was announced, fulfilled the people's expectations that the despot would take measures against the terrible Dynalian Gract which was doing such harm to his belongings, which were the entire country. Surely the strongest warrior could challenge the beast.
Willing to be relieved of their anxiety, crowds filled the stands to watch the many and doughty fighters compete against one another for the prize. Many were injured, some killed, but nothing daunted those men who had bravery as their first virtue, and often their last. Fame was on the auction block and blood was their bids.
On the final day, the despot himself attended, though he had been absent before. The champion, after his magnificent victory, strode to the spot under the great seat and shouted up, "Where now is the Dynalian Gract? I will slay it. It will be no harder I think than winning this contest!"
"It is here!" The despot leapt up and hurled down a sack he had next to him, and from the sack tumbled the monster's grim head. "You may have that as your trophy, since you are so eager to have it. Your second prize will be wealth, your third a weapon unsurpassed, and the fourth your liberty, for this exercise has given the results combats between men of unequal experience levels, a 14 versus a 17, a 21 versus a 33. I have reckoned from them how near someone may come to my level and go unexiled, and I tell you that none of you are close to it!" All trembled at the despot's mastery.

Finis

Municipal Law Question

If writing had magical powers, would graffiti be double illegal because of the danger or legal because anyone capable of inscribing the characters of power cannot be gainsaid by some town council?

Addendum

"We don't have to get a real tree this year. Also I was thinking about going to bed early on the 31st." - future prison inmates

Legal Clarification

It is now illegal to play or listen to Christmas music. That is, in your science fiction setting where future nations try to unify populations flung across planets and space stations by enforcing a universal culture right down to standardizing colors for book covers (military scifi has a diamond pattern).

Competition's Deepest Folds

The king proclaimed a commission with its purpose to determine how beneficial was every sport to the development of its participants with regard to the perfection of civil and martial life. Strength, obedience, adaptability, wit, numerical facility, all those were to be judged. Three superior sports would be encouraged by royal grants; banning was the fate of all the rest.
Five months later, the commissioners left their opulent homes, bought after their appointments, and met in the palace along with representatives for the various sports. They presented their conclusions, and somehow three of the sportsmen knew to smile from the outset.
The king nodded. "I congratulate the victors. Clearly you have bribed, colluded, and coerced. That is good, for my subjects must understand the world's ways. Your methods require improvement however. These others came to me directly. I have confidence you will excel in their sports, the only three henceforth permitted."
The disappointed representatives accepted the loss in a sportsmanlike fashion. As for the commissioners, they offered tournament prizes out of their wealth, not as a punishment but from their own inclination.
Finis

The Font of Elevation

One day, the Horrelfot Geyser sprayed gold instead of water. The margrave, thinking of the costs of his current and contemplated entanglements, sent men to dig there, whether for gold or more likely some item strange in its properties.
A few yards of pit later, the men unearthed the cause of it, which was a gnome holding a mass gold. He explained that he realized recently he had neglected to wash his bedding for a few hundred years and nothing less powerful than the geyser would do. The bundle, unrolled, proved to be thick sheets far too heavy for any one of the helpful diggers to lift even when they agreed to assist with the washing.
One among them, not content to suppress his curiosity even when dealing with creatures from whom no sense could be expected, asked the gnome if he would not prefer softer sheets, linen perhaps. The conversation revealed the ignorance gnomes have of comforts. A trade was arranged so that the gnome went away with the softest sheets in the county which were the margrave's own, and his bed too, and his pillows.
The margrave prospered after that, nor did he forget to bestow upon his able servant lands and honors. The new vassal's emblem became a golden sheet in commemoration of that incident, and not because "nobody could think of anything meaningful for that undistinguished family," as you alleged in your scandalous publication. Now that this court has instructed you better, an apology is expected and will reduce the fine from devastating to instructive.
Finis

Addendum

That is, if the inheriting family members don't kill one another in the resulting dispute over the priceless legacy, which they most likely will. Whoops!

Future Implementations of Estate Taxes

When spaceships become hereditary, it won't be feasible to break them up and sell the parts. That means a new captain will owe service, possibly a galaxy-ranging quest, a year patroling the space marches, or public transport.

The Laws of Dead and Living

Who carried the grumblings of the owners to the king, and what was done about it? Taums it was, the son of Aums, and he told the king this, that the men of the kingdom had become few in number, not enough to see the harvest done, the farmers feared.
King Hadwis was not deaf but heard it all, not slow to war either but swift in it. He mustered strong men, as many as there were, to march on the underground kingdom. Who led the center? He did, proud in his armor and hard to look upon. Who led the right? It was Count Hemma, unbending and wise in war, the king's brother by oath. Who led the left? Count Kyvring led it, whose hall and whose riches were the greatest any had, but he disdained comfort when foes enjoyed life.
The host seized the caves that were the porch of that realm and dared to go farther. Count Hemma slew men that had horns and were huge, Count Kyvring overcame giants that killed three men by stamping once, and more than one hound of manly size learned the king was too strong for them. The slaughter was great on both sides, but more on the one, and the country below became the king's.
Hadwis made all submit and left them afterward in ownership of their land but under his law that never again should the underground steal away living men from their landly toil but only the dead that both countries might thrive.
Finis

Addendum

Specifically, all intellectual property will be protected for twelve years except for Pac-Man, which is protected in perpuity and the penalty for infringement is exile from the solar system. Twelve years is a highly scientific number which reminds us of clocks, which are ticking as we wait for a space monster.

The Biggest Potential Disaster

What happens when most of us have moved to an array of space colonies spread throughout the solar system and then a big space monster comes through and chomps us all up like Pac-Man? The only solution I can see is to have Bandai Namco sue the menace, and for that to happen we might have to change our intellectual property laws.

Rule of Power

Once, the people were distraught at the state of their laws and begged for a lawgiver to come to them. Hearing their supplication, Power Dragon descended.
"Shouldn't Law Dragon have come?" the people asked.
"I am stronger than Law Dragon. Therefore I conquered him and assumed his role."
From that, the people learned one important law. They desired to have more laws still but were perplexed by manifold considerations and subtleties.
"Then let the strongest among you decide."
"Is strength same as wisdom?" the people wondered.
"By no means!" Reason Dragon declared that during his descent. Soon Mercy Dragon and Harmony Dragon arrived as well. Their discourse on the science of law soon became bickering.
Power Dragon allowed them to engage in that for a moderate interval before he slapped all three away with his terrible claws and sent them tumbling. He departed without another word, confident the people comprehended the incident's significance.
Finis