Summary of the Blastopolitan Saga

For his crimes—saying what he thought and living how he liked—he was given a harsh sentence. He was . . .

EXILED TO BLASTOPOLIS

"I still can't believe I was exiled to Blastopolis, but I'm settling in," said Gilliam Axhagen as he potshotted another astro-mutant with his tri-fission blaster. "Say, what's that building over there, the one they're staying away from? It looks abandoned—just the sort of place they usually like. Could that be the location of one of the . . ."

SECRETS OF BLASTOPOLIS

"We've uncovered some of the secrets of Blastopolis." Fred Wendell laid a paternal hand on Gilliam's shoulder. "But we won't be able to understand much more unless you become . . ."

RULER OF BLASTOPOLIS

"Now that there's a true ruler of Blastopolis, we can hope for some order," said Fender Bivins as he vaporized one of the last four remaining sludge-trudgers. "But who knows what could be out there, out . . ."

BEYOND BLASTOPOLIS

"It turns out readers don't much care what's beyond Blastopolis." The publisher laid a paternal hand on the writer's shoulder. "We really think it would be better to take things . . ."

BACK TO BLASTOPOLIS
TRIUMPH IN BLASTOPOLIS
WAR IN BLASTOPOLIS
SURVIVORS OF BLASTOPOLIS
EXCURSION BEYOND BLASTOPOLIS
RETURN TO BLASTOPOLIS
GENESIS OF BLASTOPOLIS
CANCELLATION OF BLASTOPOLIS
REVIVAL OF BLASTOPOLIS
Finis

Addendum

The smooth maneuver is to label your pages wrong on purpose so that readers (and eventually non-readers) argue over the proper scores, make competing guides/wikis/apps, and generally generate a whole lot of fuss. Every entertainment product needs a little controversy, but don't get despondent thinking it has to be in the text.

Addendum

A major factor will be if the ships dock at a planet, an orbital station, or neither, instead sitting in deep space and receiving their passengers from shuttles. In the case of the station, probably a plain exterior will be demanded by the port authority, but in the third case, presenting customers with an awesome view during their approach will be advisable.

It's Never Too Early to Start Planning

When we have big interstellar cruise liners, will it be worth it to paint the exterior, or will people not care about the part they can't see? Or will they see it through drones set up so there can be races on the hull for gambling purposes, given that in space, anything goes? Only market research can determine the truth.

Addendum

I would have called it "All-Out Hundred Battle," thereby proving either why I'm not in charge or why I should be.

Salesmanship in the Modern Era

The naive ask why Konami is spelling the hottest new Yu-Gi-Oh format all funny, but the savvy never considered anyone would call a new product a single word that brings up thousands of results on any search engine. The key mistake was to spell it "Genesys" rather than "Jennasyss" or, to be particularly saucy, "Djenasus."

Timing Your Release

Donkey Kong Bananza is almost out. Have you completed you banana fantasy story yet? Or was it bananapunk or a banana opera? I don't know what any of those things are, which is why I'm not rich.

The Problem Facing Books Today

They don't have theme songs. They definitely need them.

Appealing to Different Markets

Suppose you have a game called Country of Dragons and you want to sell it in English-speaking nations. A little research will show you the English don't care for either dragons or countries. They like empire, tea, and guardians, so call it Guardians of Azuma. Many overlook this important step in releasing your product.

Psychology and Cover Design

If your book's cover shows a bunch of people reading your book, everyone else will want to read it too. Think about it.

Wheel of Time Season 2 Is a Big Step Up!

I was assured of that by several internet posters! Who all used that exact phrase! Because that's what the booklet told them to write!

Addendum

"Lord CHUMPSANY is at the bookstore again to buy an elf book . . . He doesn't know about [YOURBOOK]!!!" The lady at the counter looks bored and has a thought balloon saying, "I hope that guy who bought [YOURBOOK] comes back next month." Meanwhile, there's a swirly arrow pointing toward the guy's crotch and in crayon there's a message: "Looks like these tights aren't hiding much!"

Everyone Knows This but Nobody Does Anything About It

Novels won't become truly popular until they have a bunch of magazine ads that insult the reader and have people wearing sunglasses. Other authors and publishers must also be assaulted. The clumsier the innuendo the better.

Addendum

Maybe you should just do porn instead. Probably pays better.

Success in Marketing

Don't forget to have a bunch of porn made of your series before you publish it. And memes. And a wiki.

On Book Numbering

Make sure to number the first book in a series "001" so everyone knows you're confident in it.

Addendum

And make sure they take their shoes off frequently for cultural reasons! Or never wear them at all! Aaaaaaaahhh!

Attracting a Wider Audience

Be sure to describe the feet of all the characters in your story. Don't ask why. Just do it.

Subversion in Fantasy Settings

Everyone knows from that Yello song that the sun is even more beautiful than the moon, so suppose . . . What do you mean you've never heard any of the lyrics in that song besides "Oh yeah" and "Chikka chikka?" But, but, but, my fantasy idea!

I hope you all enjoyed that skit. The point is that in many cases, what you're trying to subverted has only ever been verted for some people in the first place. That means you have to proclaim how subversive it is if you want people to understand what a genius you are. Better yet, get other people to hammer that point for you. I can't tell you how often I've heard A Song of Ice and Fire praised for having the guts to kill characters unlike old fantasy; it's similar to the number of dead characters in older fantasy. Everything is marketing, and marketing doesn't make any sense.