Ethical Holes

Though when you think about it, isn't bribing a judge effectively proof of usefulness? That's why we should judge animals by how delicious they are. As we do.

The Meed of Use

When men were chosen as judges in the contest, their role being to decide who deserved the laurels of the most useful, the nominated animals did not so much resort to bribery as leap to it. The cows called on their crow friends to find baubles, the chickens arranged with lizards for the secrets of the earth to be brought forth, and as for the pigs, they tricked the others out of many of their offerings by their wiles.
The cicadas, those gossipers, went to the gods to tell them of the shameless cheating, but the gods laughed at it. "Would they be as energetic as they are if they knew! There is no risk of favoritism from judges who will soon eat and skin them all equally, third place to first!"
Horrified, the cicadas tried to warn the world that the projects of the gods are ghoulish amusements not meant for our good. They still do. But none heed them for the annoyance.
Finis

Straight to the Top

"You have heard of the elevator. You have seen the space elevator. Now, ladies and gentlemen, allow me to present the spacetime elevator." The inventor waved for the curtains to be pulled away from the model. That was the apex of his showmanship, but he was only an inventor, after all.
"The name is indicative, but what precisely does it do?" a judge asked.
"Very simple. Look. The passengers enter a car at the bottom. They ride up." During his narration, the model demonstrated the procedure. "They reach the top, but all the time they've been going up, they've been going back in time as well. That means that when they get there, the spacetime elevator hasn't been built yet, and the car goes . . ." The little model car plunged into the miniature ocean below and sank.
"Amazing! First prize!" The World Execution Expo judges admired the invention greatly, as did the wider community once word of it spread.
Finis

Addendum

Speaking of game shows, when do we replace the contestants with CGI versions of them that are better-looking? The contestant will still play and talk, but we won't have to look at the horror of an average person.