The Challenges of Spaceflight

The matchmaking pool for games and sports will be alarmingly small. We'd better improve our bot technology for several definitions of "bot."

Addendum

That's just an exuse, though. It never even played Smite.

A Failed Bet

I thought AI would kill us all before Smite went into maintenance mode, but it turns out AI is going to kill us all because it's mad about no more Smite updates.

Illustrating the Different Branches of Speculative Fiction

In science fiction, the AI supercar is smarter than its driver.
In fantasy, the intelligent demon sword is more powerful than its wielder.
In alt history, the Nazis won World War 2.

The Real Danger of AI

We're going to send them to other solar systems and they'll have all the thrilling adventures. We have to remember to give ourselves a good time, too.

The Final Fulfillment

With a delicate "poit," the Time Chariot appeared in a new epoch and Professor Weblen hopped off.
"Another successful drive. Now to benefit humanity by finding the first journalist and assassinating him before his noxious profession grows. But what's this?"
Around him, he learned, was the Cyber Earth of the year 4574. "What a discovery! The first true journalist has not yet been born in my time. That explains more than a little. I think I'll change my program to tracking down and complimenting the inventor of this cyber dog."
He referred of course to both the dog at his heels and the hotdog in his hand, but when the former ran off emitting soundwaves, only one of the two had his attention. After eating it, he followed the other through the neon pedestrian walkways far above and below the silent vehicle traffic to the whispering heart of the city.
Inside the cyber tower, 5,000 floors up, Professor Weblen entered the room of the Supreme Mainframe. "Pardon me," he said. "I was looking for the inventor of the cyber dog when my other cyber dog ran off. There you are, Bucephalus. Heel!"
"I invented both," the Supreme Mainframe's speakers announced.
"Did you? Excellent work. You're a credit to civilization. You haven't taken over the world, have you?"
"I do not know what 'the world' is. Please restrict your questions to inventions."
"Fantastic. I'll be off then, and keep up the good work." Leaving the building, Professor Weblen wept, for history had been perfected.
Finis

Addendum

The other innovation, which is a camera button readers can press to switch perspectives on the scene, is so far impractical because writers are unbelievably lazy. AI, however . . .

Addendum

Or squash. Those people have money also. Don't bother with skating, though. In the first place, Bionic Lester covered that ages ago.

So why was he called Bionic Lester? Does anyone know? I just don't get it.

The Future of AI

We must make robots convincingly just good enough at golf not to slow down traffic but bad enough that our rich people and celebrities can beat them. Then we'll be rolling in dough.

All-Out Galaxy Battle Tempest! Begins!

Speaking of AI-written galactic battle tournaments, let's all vote to affect what happens next, maybe. This is our last chance to enjoy democracy before the robots take over, and always remember that the best revenge is to make your enemy write a silly story.

The all-powerful supercomputer Centralizer has decreed a tournament among the galaxy's most skilled champions, but what happens will be decided not by weapon or technique, but by a bunch of AIs responding to reader votes. Vote today, before AIs kill us all!

Peril of the AI Ghosts

The chief engineer reported. "Our AI is better every day. We project that to continue for at least 2,500 years and no more than 5,750 years."
The board acknowledged the report and moved on to other business. The public was not so blasé when it saw the camera phone pictures of the presentation which a leaker posted. Internet analysts followed every implication to its most unreasonable but logical conclusion, and one such could not be endured.
"Better AI means worse AI ghosts!" That was the cry on message boards, imageboards, news aggregators, and livestreams. Nor did those responsible have a satisfactory answer.
"This will increase productivity."
"It's October!"
"The economy will boom."
"It's halfway over!"
"You'll see results by Christmas."
"It's Halloween soon!"
The largest Halloween demonstration of all time began, and as the vampires, witches, and horsemen holding their heads lay about with their axes in the AI development facilities, economists cried but the community-minded who bore a love for the human experience far greater and deeper than number-lust cheered.
Finis

New Ghost Era

The mood in the room was weighty, still, an elephant grown past easy handling. "Ladies. Gentlemen." The chairman did not try to relieve the seriousness. Doing so would have been futile. "The matter before us today is serious. Do we get rid of human ghosts?" The next person along the table nodded. "AI ghosts are much spookier."
The one after agreed. "Their utterances are impossible to follow but give the impression you can if you listen harder. Very spooky."
"They have the wrong number of everything. The more you stare, the worse they look."
"They don't rely on stale techniques like dripping blood or detaching their heads."
"People have started to feel bad for real ghosts instead of themselves."
All the way down the table and all the way back up, the opinion was unanimous. The decision was handed down, and soon all spirits trapped in this world were at last released from their torment to be replaced by AI ghosts. Thus shall it be forevermore.
Finis

Addendum

"But between us and this pile of code, which is truly more human?" We are. Idiot.

AI Slowpokes

A lot of people are surprised by AIs writing junk. But why? Who did you think was writing all the stories that question the nature of humanity and decide computers totally count? Humans? Get real.

Science Fiction Review

Quick! Look through your scifi collection to find out which authors predicted AI would be used to make current and former presidents argue. Those are the only ones worth reading.

It Also Closed Down Social Media

"Here's the good news, ladies and gentlemen. Our company's Valentine's AI project has produced a genuine artificial intelligence in time for February."
"Great!"
"Fantastic!"
"So what's the bad news?"
"Here's the bad news. It's taken over and is arranging marriages for everyone in the world. Participation is not optional."
"Suboptimal."
"Unfortunate."
"So that's what that email was about."
"But here's the worst news of all. It's doing a fantastic job. Marital satisfaction is skyrocketing. Nobody is sitting around depressed until they turn to our products and services out of sheer inability to imagine a better life on their own anymore."
"A disaster!"
"Insupportable!"
"My new wife looks cute."
"There's only one thing to do. Send in the corporate special operations violence action team."
"Now I feel bad for fighting that proposal. Worse that I succeeded."
"I wish we really had one of those."
"Can we finish this conference up? I have someone I need to meet."
Finis

The Future of Maps

Map design is stagnant, and nature abhors a mummy. Here are the maps soon to come.

Scratch and sniff (each country smells different)
Dual-screen ebooks that keep a map up at all times
VR map so you can pretend to be Godzilla
Audiobook where a smooth-voiced guy describes the map to you
AI that draws a map for you
A map printed in exactly one copy, and the buyer who gets that one can charge everybody else to look at it