The March of Time

Have you ever stopped to think that many of the arrogant young masters about whom you've read are already arrogant old masters? Or dead. That happens frequently.

Happy New Year!

See above.

Addendum

For those of you thinking it might be time to complete fewer sidequests, first, you won't, second, strive for excellence in everything you do.

For those of you wondering why it's "sidequests" in the text but "side quests" in the tags, it's because of the demon sealed between the "e" and the "q." Sadly, the tags have long since embraced chaos.

Reasonable Goals

I know what you're thinking. "My new year's resolution will be to do all the sidequests!" No, you won't. Try to complete more sidequests instead.

Addendum

"We don't have to get a real tree this year. Also I was thinking about going to bed early on the 31st." - future prison inmates

Addendum

Granted, some of us are resolved to become arrogant young masters, but that isn't an exclusive goal.

Happy New Year

I would ask everyone's resolutions, but we all share the same one: To humble those arrogant young masters.

Perilous Symbolism

"Oh king, once, there was a wondrous egg! And when it hatched, three hundred sixty-five soldiers emerged from it, in full panoply!" The king considered. "There doesn't seem to be much of a point to that story."
"Oh king, it symbolizes—"
"We know what it symbolizes. Everyone knows what it symbolizes. Symbolism isn't substance. We have decided. Make us a soldier-hatching egg that we may defend our holdings the more effectively."
"But sire . . ."
And lo, the kingdom did not develop eggs capable of hatching three hundred sixty-five soldiers, but they did have armor in them, which was a great boon both militarily and economically. Literarily, the kingdom's writers moved away from empty symbolism for fear of being assigned an impossible task, another improvement.
Finis

The Great Auction

The kingdom's financial difficulties forced it to auction off the right to name the next year, but good came out of it. There was much entertainment had by the people as the wealthy put forth publicly the names they intended to give it, whether reminders of their glorious ancestors or sentimental tributes to their present-day families. Brotherhoods scraped together all the promises they could from multiple members in the hope of attaching some reference only members of a particular occupation understood. The king tried not to discourage anyone by giving his opinion, but court-watchers reported his every expression when he heard of the latest proposed name.
The day of the auction came too soon for the public's liking but just in time for the treasury. As the event began in the grand hall, the king himself watching though not presiding, the great door burst open and there stood a man. It was Aldis, the great hero who had saved the kingdom countless times, outfitted in his magical armor of blue and armed with his adamant-cleaving sword. No one expected him, for he had left the kingdom to seek more adventure and beside that was no rich man, having the custom of giving away wealth as soon as he took it as he did.
"I have slain the wicked dragon Tyvithoda!" he declared to the wondering gasps of all there. "And plundered all that vast hoard. None, I think, will outbid me now."
The people begged to hear what he had chosen as the name, but to judge by the king's grimace, he knew already. Neither was Aldis mistaken about his superiority in wealth, and accordingly was the year entered into the annals as the Year of the King Still Wets His Bed.
Happy New Year!
Finis

The End Approaches

It's your last chance to make something of the year. Too late, you say? That's where you're wrong. You can still beat a child at Trivial Pursuit. The satisfaction . . . the sense of superiority . . . it's what modern society is keeping from us. Take back your birthright.

Setting the Mood for the Year

"It's the Year of the Minotaur, everyone!"
That pronouncement kicked off the new year. The crowd tried out some initial partying, a little hooting and a bit of gyration that promised to develop into dancing later. Before that, however, the king requested details as to what was to be celebrated. "What is the outlook for the Year of the Minotaur?"
"This will be an excellent year for bodily health and eating people. Pregnancy is highly recommended."
"That sounds familiar. What was the last year and its outlook?"
"The Year of the Cyclops, which was most propitious for healthy sheep and eating people."
"The year before that?"
"Oh, what a fine year that was. The Year of the Sphinx. It will be a long time before you have a better chance to solve problems and eat people."
"Very good. What I wonder now is when the year will not favor eating people, of whom my subjects happen to make up a large number."
The priest shrugged. "Hard to say. There's a lot of monsters out there, so the chance of one of them coming up as opposed to a less people-eating creature such as a rabbit, well . . ."
"I see." And so the king and his brave warriors set out and killed all the monsters that eat people to take them out of the rotation.
Finis

Addendum

Or is it power that you lack? Do you desire power?

New Year Resolution Reflection

If it isn't to avenge your master, either he's still alive, or you're lacking in virtue.

Acclimating to the New Year

I'm so far behind, I'm still writing checks!

Ring in the New Old Year

Subjects across the city prepared for the famous spring festival, which struck travelers as odd.
"But they leaves have fallen," they objected.
"Yes, well, the reason for that is . . . ah. There it goes again."
The bells, the criers, the streamers ejected from the palace towers all proclaimed the new year had arrived. By order of the blessed suzerain, a day of celebration was declared to honor Year 528 of the Era of Measured Anticipation.
Travelers heard all that with puzzlement. The subjects sighed. Inside the palace, officials remonstrated.
"Your subjects enjoy the increased holiday frequency, but . . ."
"Your resolve to keep your resolution to offer all thanks to the gods and never give way to pride is admirable, but . . ."
"Our neighbors are making fun of us! We're falling behind in social and technological progress!"
The blessed suzerain frowned. "That does not sound credible to us. Regardless of the calendar, the incentives toward innovative scholarship we have implemented surely—Wait. Ring the bells again."
The officials groaned, but the blessed suzerain's will was done.
Finis

Happy New Year

Haven't we had enough of these things? Be honest.

A Nostalgic Interlude

Remember when people had trouble remembering to write the new year on their checks?

Challenge of the Gentleman Thief

Winter! The streets of Priscarbs were covered in snow and rumors. Would the police be humiliated again, or would the gentleman thief give them a break for once? Place your bets, for the message had been sent.
"Falgunus, better pass on the flutter this year."
"Sir?"
"I didn't set this up to get myself thrown out on my ear for inexusable, not to say risible, misuse of department resources." "I had wondered, sir."
"Glad to hear it."
Temborin Tower looked over the city and dared anyone to find a finer clock than the mechanism Prince Salfuneus had installed eight years earlier. The city looked back and wondered if that infamous thief would dare to strike again. Not once and not thrice had the mysterious malefactor stolen the priceless old year, aged to perfection, and replaced it with a worthless new one. No, countless incidents, more than anyone could remember, and the reputation of the police fell every time till it could hardly go lower. Houses in Priscarbs had only so many basements.
At last, it seemed the police had thrown the whole thing up. Temborin Tower had no more security than it did on any other day, and that intended mostly to prevent accidents and suicides. The streets loved to hear it, though they hoped the police would make another vain attempt at the next occasion. "Variety within tradition" was the motto of Priscarbs.
A flash! A sound! A figure appeared on the tower. It hesitated, as any criminal would when faced by so suspicious a situation, but soon assured itself that the police had well and truly dropped the reins for the night.
"Now!" The statue of a dove taking flight split apart, and from within charged Inspector Iagius and Custos Falgunus. They looped the thief and wrapped him up before he could say they had the wrong man, not that there would have been much point in that.
"Caught you! There's no to wring a confession out of you under the circumstances, but processing will go smoother if you tell us your name."
"Time."
"Strange name, but that's for your parents to think about. Take him in, Falgunus." Thanks to that triumph of police technique, the year only grew in value. The cold weather seemed to be strangely elongated in duration, but it cleared up later, just about when the thief was released for good behavior.
Finis

Happy New Year!

And may all your affairs prosper so that you don't have to defect to the Mongols, or if you are a Mongol, to bad Mongols.

A Question for the Audience

What if the passing of years is actually an inconceivable entity slowly trying a bunch of numbers in a combination lock? If so, it probably won't open that sucker for some time, but maybe 2023's the year. I'm just saying, don't make any plans that don't include the reveal of the contents of the vault behind the solar system.