Starter Town Fair

Hello there! It's a great time to visit, because our town fair begins today. It doesn't have anything to do with gods, heroes, or curses. In reality it's nothing but a big advertisement where we show off the quality of what we're producing this year. Still, we can't help but feel proud of our town when we look back on what we've made and what we've overcome.
Just look at what our gem cutters have done with the items our miners bring out when the mines aren't overrun by monsters, which is most of the year you know. That purity! That shine! That taste in settings! I can see you're entranced, and I don't blame you. I'm gratified by it, and so is everyone else in town.
Over there is the display of what our furriers have designated as their finest pieces yet to be shipped out. They're a local specialty; we get the pelts from the Fierce Wolves adventurers grind all day. You probably passed some on your way into town. Remember, no kill-stealing!
Has your eye been taken by that bronze of the twin gods of medicine and poison? It isn't a permanent fixture. The item store had it made out of the proceeds from potions and antidotes. Business is booming, isn't it? But not as much as for our favorite (and richest) private citizen, who funded the new town hall. He makes the treasure chests you see in every dungeon.
What's that cage for, you ask? I'm glad you asked. That's one of our most fun town traditions. You see, every year some daring thief tries to make off with, well, just look around! That isn't planned. It's just a consequence of human nature. Then we grab the thief and throw him in there. That's where we've been going this whole time! Enjoy your stay, and if you're lucky, a hero will come by who's willing to give you a second chance. Don't look like that. It happens more often than you'd think, because of the mines.
Finis

Challenge of Spring

The year-round theft! The criminal bold enough to flout the laws ought to exhibit daring in his targets as well, but few did. At last a heroic burglar declared his intention to steal the entire year and acted accordingly. The Jewel of Summer, the Jewel of Winter, and the Jewel of Autumn were in his little pocket.
"Oh, it's terrible!" What else could the gallery owner say? The Jewel of Spring was his responsibility but not his to sell, which he would have done just to sleep again. The police were sweating too. They had failed three times.
Around the gate they were posted, around the rear entrance, the side entrance, the balcony, and the equivalent entrances of every adjacent building. Disguised inspectors walked up and down the street as if pondering a purchase while custodes mingled with the visitors.
"But it's up here that it's best to wait, Falgunus!" Inspector Iagius told his custos.
"What makes you say so, sir?"
"The oath I took when I became an inspector to use my wits instead of sticking to rote procedure and claiming it's the fault of the regulations when I fail, Falgunus." What a striking figure he was on the roof across the street, watching over the gallery like a sympathetic god!
Suddenly, the alarm. Policemen scrambled all over the ground level, the second level, and the third and fourth, but the thief was ahead of them. He jumped up the first flight of stairs, leapt up the second, and so on, until he hopped up to the gallery roof and then crossed the street with a single superhuman bound. Right into the waiting arms of Custos Falgunus! The malefactor's panicked struggles availed nothing against the brawny limbs of the law.
"You see, Falgunus? The wizard-crafter made this seasonal jewel to absorb the very power of spring. The lesson is to look into the qualities of what you're guarding and not just the price."
Another triumph for Inspector Iagius!
Finis

The Size of Apples

How far had the colonists of the hundreds of settled planets diverged? Discussion of that started before the first ship landed. Public intellectuals and college freshmen debated the issue in terms of genetics, language, culture, and politics at every hour of every day somewhere within humanity's habitational sphere. Out of those, only genetics was susceptible to evidence. When the science reporter had space to fill, nothing was more usual than to grab the latest statement about haplogroup concentrations.
Little by little, a less vital but absolutely crucial concern arose about something not so profound, but ineffably deep. Food. Did a tomato grown on Earth taste the same as one from the engineered soil of Saint Georges? Was cheddar cultivated on Montjoie even cheddar? An article here and there prompted idle speculation everywhere.
Sharmazem Zujenne loathed the idle. He applied his considerable resources to gather samples and invite guests known for their discerning palates to the banquet to end all controversies, the Interstellar Judgment. At last, experts would determine whether potatoes from settled planets ought to be given a different name, and whether the outrageous size of that famous watermelon was a trick of photography.
An occasion of that sort inevitably became the occasion. The wealthy and people who liked to be near the wealthy requested, demanded, begged for, or wangled invitations. Entire industries sprung up to supply their excessive wants. The tasting of tastings became the party of parties. For all that, Zujenne maintained strict security to ensure the samples from various worlds remained separated. On the first official day of the event, though celebrations had gone on for three, he ordered the vault opened, only to discover . . . nothing. Nothing but a note from Phantom Thief Sirius thanking him for all the produce.
"I don't know much about food, but I'm sure about one thing. Crime is the same everywhere." The detective-inspector got on the case.
Finis

Discussion Corner

Fantasy movie and tv adaptations should always be animated. There isn't much to discuss there, since it's universally correct, but that's just how it goes sometimes. Think about this instead: "Feist" spelled backwards is "tsief," which is you would say "thief" with certain speech impediments maybe. What a twist!

History Addendum

Wow! What a story! He should have sent a notice first, though.

Historically speaking, policemen are somewhat rare, but let's have a good time here.

Challenge of the Werethief

Crime! Police ran through the streets of Priscarbs but the news ran faster, the news that the Curtains of Heaven had been stolen from the residence of the Dowager Duchess of Vernaseges. Those pearls were worth more than half the city, and now they were in criminal hands.
Whose hands? Who else but Hisfendivarius the Werethief? Any daring crime was credited to that mysterious maestro of robbery whose true appearance was unknown. The hoi polloi would say Hisfendivarius stole the sun to explain a cloudy day and laugh at the police for letting him get away.
This time, though, it was true. The Dowager Duchess's servants reported seeing a hawk, a monkey, a cat, and a slithering snake. The police knew what that meant, but not what to do about it. Inspectors and custodes ran hither trying this and thither looking for that, each method seeming as good as any other when it came to catching a thief who had never been caught. Inspector Iagius had his own theory.
"Falgunus, if that thief has gone so much as a dozen yards away, I've never learned a thing in all my years on the job. But I think I have, and I think he hasn't."
"Yes, sir. What do you want me to do then, sir?"
"Have your restraints in hand and be ready to act on my word."
The inspector and the custos crept around the robbed residence, looking for a culprit who could look like anything. The wonder was not that Hisfendivarius stole the Curtains of Heaven, but that it took him so long to get around to it when his techniques were unopposable.
"Hold on a moment, Falgunus. I must tighten up my laces. I'll quit tomorrow if I trip tonight. Just stand right there if you would while I . . . Now! Get that zebra!"
Custos Falgunus twisted around and tossed his loop over the neck of the inconspicuous zebra behind him which struggled and spat and turned into a man. Hisfendivarius!
"You finally slipped up, my lad. If only you knew that zebras don't live here. I only know what one is because my little ones love the zoo so."
The crestfallen Hisfendivarius shook his head. "I don't know what a zebra is. I don't pick what I turn into, you know. It's just always worked out until now is all."
Another impossible case solved by Inspector Iagius!