Showing posts with label food. Show all posts
Showing posts with label food. Show all posts
Wednesday, July 2, 2025
Addendum
Maybe they have such integrity that they refuse to find terrestrial substitutes for ingredients which will be discovered only in the distant future.
Tuesday, July 1, 2025
The Missing Element in Science Fiction
There must be one somewhere, but I've never read any science fiction that Redwall's it up with lengthy feast descriptions. Don't these authors want to sell cookbooks?
Monday, March 10, 2025
The Awful Potence of Humors
No matter how many times the mage-captain looked over the interior, it was undoubtedly a restaurant. Tables and chairs in front, an immaculate kitchen in the back, an office to the side, and everything just as laid out in the memoirs of a successful owner.
"That's wonderful, Mr. Karsask. I'm completely satisfied that you have reformed. To think the last time I came here, it was a lair of foul necromancy."
"Oh, I could never live in a place like that now, sir. I must have been suffering from insanity back then. But to make sure, you had better check the dishes." Karsask snapped his fingers and forthwith the staff brought out a modest three courses for inspection.
"I suppose I should . . ."
Karsask watched the mage-captain eat from over the man's shoulder. It wouldn't do for the inspector to see the terrible smile of the inventive sorcerer. He had abandoned blood magic, it was true, but only because he had discovered a new power, easier to replenish: Bile magic. Already the mage-captain's insides were producing energy being gathered by arcane contraptions below. Had he only realized, he might have said something about it to his superiors in passing, and though there was no law against bile magic, they would blab about it, and then competitors would start up, and what a hassle and squandered opportunity the whole thing would be.
Finis
"That's wonderful, Mr. Karsask. I'm completely satisfied that you have reformed. To think the last time I came here, it was a lair of foul necromancy."
"Oh, I could never live in a place like that now, sir. I must have been suffering from insanity back then. But to make sure, you had better check the dishes." Karsask snapped his fingers and forthwith the staff brought out a modest three courses for inspection.
"I suppose I should . . ."
Karsask watched the mage-captain eat from over the man's shoulder. It wouldn't do for the inspector to see the terrible smile of the inventive sorcerer. He had abandoned blood magic, it was true, but only because he had discovered a new power, easier to replenish: Bile magic. Already the mage-captain's insides were producing energy being gathered by arcane contraptions below. Had he only realized, he might have said something about it to his superiors in passing, and though there was no law against bile magic, they would blab about it, and then competitors would start up, and what a hassle and squandered opportunity the whole thing would be.
Finis
Saturday, August 26, 2023
Tournament Edition
Every fantasy, science fiction, and romance book ought to have a spinoff about the characters in a fighting tournament. The exception is stories about fighting tournaments, which must instead have a spinoff about a cooking tournament.
Wednesday, August 16, 2023
Notes on Cuisine
Porridge? More like snorridge!
Fillet? More like get away!
Stew? More like boo!
Ham? More like scam!
Onion? That sounds all right. Just have everybody eat an onion. Big feast scenes are so Redwall.
Fillet? More like get away!
Stew? More like boo!
Ham? More like scam!
Onion? That sounds all right. Just have everybody eat an onion. Big feast scenes are so Redwall.
Saturday, July 8, 2023
Fantasy Cuisine and Worldbuilding
Remember, pretty much all food is you cook something and maybe either dribble some sauce on it or drop it in there. Let's get to the next action scene already.
Friday, July 7, 2023
Profound Science Fiction Discussion Topic
If there are aliens who get it together enough to come to our planet, maybe we should just let them run things. What do you mean they want to eat us? Oh noooooooooo!
The topic is: What makes humans so delicious? Does it have something to do with marbling?
The topic is: What makes humans so delicious? Does it have something to do with marbling?
Monday, January 23, 2023
The Whig Theory of Entertainment
Behold, the future! Look at that couple, both in perfect physical condition. If you had a way to check, which our technicians most certainly do, you would find flawless genes as well. Eugenics? No, just a few therapeutic sessions.
Where are they going with such sure strides? A restaurant no doubt, you say as dwellers in the past. Not at all. Food became too delicious. Everyone wanted to do nothing but eat. Food is now banned. To a movie theater then? Those all shut down after the perfect movie was made twenty years ago. Everyone owns it for private viewings in their private theater setups, which are superior in visual and audio quality to the professional establishments of the past. To a comedy club for a few laughs is your next guess. They exist, certainly, as do comedians. Those are no longer allowed to tell jokes. Too many audience members laughed till they died.
So where? There is one thing, friends from the past, that we still have not quite got the hang of. Yes, it's just what you think it is: cyberpunk! Cyberpunk novels, cyberpunk TV, cyberpunk games, cyberpunk resorts, and cyberpunk radio dramas are all alive and kicking, and they will continue to be allowed to do so as long as they never actually predict the future or get good.
By that we mean, of course, future good. By the standards of your day, those entertainments are without exception fantastic. So, people of the past, we encourage you to keep looking forward . . . to the future!
Finis
Where are they going with such sure strides? A restaurant no doubt, you say as dwellers in the past. Not at all. Food became too delicious. Everyone wanted to do nothing but eat. Food is now banned. To a movie theater then? Those all shut down after the perfect movie was made twenty years ago. Everyone owns it for private viewings in their private theater setups, which are superior in visual and audio quality to the professional establishments of the past. To a comedy club for a few laughs is your next guess. They exist, certainly, as do comedians. Those are no longer allowed to tell jokes. Too many audience members laughed till they died.
So where? There is one thing, friends from the past, that we still have not quite got the hang of. Yes, it's just what you think it is: cyberpunk! Cyberpunk novels, cyberpunk TV, cyberpunk games, cyberpunk resorts, and cyberpunk radio dramas are all alive and kicking, and they will continue to be allowed to do so as long as they never actually predict the future or get good.
By that we mean, of course, future good. By the standards of your day, those entertainments are without exception fantastic. So, people of the past, we encourage you to keep looking forward . . . to the future!
Finis
Thursday, November 24, 2022
Happy Thanksgiving
Have you remembered to include holidays that pressure people into eating food they don't like that much in your setting? Here's your reminder if not.
Sunday, November 6, 2022
The Size of Apples
How far had the colonists of the hundreds of settled planets diverged? Discussion of that started before the first ship landed. Public intellectuals and college freshmen debated the issue in terms of genetics, language, culture, and politics at every hour of every day somewhere within humanity's habitational sphere. Out of those, only genetics was susceptible to evidence. When the science reporter had space to fill, nothing was more usual than to grab the latest statement about haplogroup concentrations.
Little by little, a less vital but absolutely crucial concern arose about something not so profound, but ineffably deep. Food. Did a tomato grown on Earth taste the same as one from the engineered soil of Saint Georges? Was cheddar cultivated on Montjoie even cheddar? An article here and there prompted idle speculation everywhere.
Sharmazem Zujenne loathed the idle. He applied his considerable resources to gather samples and invite guests known for their discerning palates to the banquet to end all controversies, the Interstellar Judgment. At last, experts would determine whether potatoes from settled planets ought to be given a different name, and whether the outrageous size of that famous watermelon was a trick of photography.
An occasion of that sort inevitably became the occasion. The wealthy and people who liked to be near the wealthy requested, demanded, begged for, or wangled invitations. Entire industries sprung up to supply their excessive wants. The tasting of tastings became the party of parties. For all that, Zujenne maintained strict security to ensure the samples from various worlds remained separated. On the first official day of the event, though celebrations had gone on for three, he ordered the vault opened, only to discover . . . nothing. Nothing but a note from Phantom Thief Sirius thanking him for all the produce.
"I don't know much about food, but I'm sure about one thing. Crime is the same everywhere." The detective-inspector got on the case.
Finis
Little by little, a less vital but absolutely crucial concern arose about something not so profound, but ineffably deep. Food. Did a tomato grown on Earth taste the same as one from the engineered soil of Saint Georges? Was cheddar cultivated on Montjoie even cheddar? An article here and there prompted idle speculation everywhere.
Sharmazem Zujenne loathed the idle. He applied his considerable resources to gather samples and invite guests known for their discerning palates to the banquet to end all controversies, the Interstellar Judgment. At last, experts would determine whether potatoes from settled planets ought to be given a different name, and whether the outrageous size of that famous watermelon was a trick of photography.
An occasion of that sort inevitably became the occasion. The wealthy and people who liked to be near the wealthy requested, demanded, begged for, or wangled invitations. Entire industries sprung up to supply their excessive wants. The tasting of tastings became the party of parties. For all that, Zujenne maintained strict security to ensure the samples from various worlds remained separated. On the first official day of the event, though celebrations had gone on for three, he ordered the vault opened, only to discover . . . nothing. Nothing but a note from Phantom Thief Sirius thanking him for all the produce.
"I don't know much about food, but I'm sure about one thing. Crime is the same everywhere." The detective-inspector got on the case.
Finis
Monday, July 4, 2022
Fourth of July
See title. But also, remember that people will still be barbecuing in space, unless the dystopian future government stamps it out.
Wednesday, May 25, 2022
Addendum
A few people, however, should insist that other city stinks and that home city is much better.
Tuesday, May 24, 2022
Scene Dressing
The easiest way to make your world feel real is for everyone to think some other city is way cooler. We will call this the Paris Method.
Friday, December 10, 2021
Non-Multi-Million Idea
Wheel of Thyme, a channel/stream dedicated to reproducing Wheel of Time recipes. That series didn't exactly have a Redwall-like focus on food, but its name is so much more flexible.
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