Halloween Trends

So what new stuff is everybody getting from the same outlets this year? I'm seeing a bunch of decorations that incorporate candy corn, which is passing odd.

Tales From the Meeting

Our story tonight takes place in a certain conference room. It could be anywhere. It could even be . . . in your town.

"There's no use trying to minimize it. From the numbers I'm looking at, it seems like our latest municipal advertising campaign is simply unlikely to justify the expenditure given our targets."
"I don't believe it. Everyone likes parks."
"Unfortunately, it turns out that's true. They like them so much they already have them. Our next campaign needs a new, fresh, exciting focus. Anyone?"
"Our natural beauty?"
"We don't have any."
"Our skate parks?"
"The popular ones are illegal."
"Maybe we should just, you know, tell everyone about the vampires and werewolves. And so on."
"And so on, right, but Dan, we've been trying so hard to keep that a secret. You know that. Why would you want to scare them away?"
"Yeah, but, see, it's fall. Specifically, October."
"And?"
"And the judge of the big contest for the best-carved large orange-colored gourd is the king of vampires, which means if advertise that, and I think we should, people will ask who this guy is and why he's such a big wheel."
"I hate to say it, but you might be right."

There you have it. Another clutch of fools and their worthless initiative saved . . . by SERENDIPITY. "But surely not every decision is made this way," you protest. If only you knew. If only you knew! Muhahahaha!
Finis

Modern Fantasy

Look at this grandpa with his kilns. We call those flamechambers now. And archers? You must mean the arrowguard. Get with it!

Scary Games Recommendations

Overblood. I've never played any other scary games, but I do know one thing: I am the real me.

Addendum

You could also have two villages attack each other in a jousting-like arrangement, but that might be too exciting. You might become famous, and then how will you get your shopping done?

Starting Your Story Off Right

You're tired of having the main character's village be attacked and you know having the main character attack a village is old hat by now. How sad. But have you thought about having a prologue in which a village is attacked and then have the rest of the story never touch on that in any way? The critics will praise you. The readers, well.

Addendum

It can make the place smell a certain way too, but I figure all magic does that, or else how could you tell?

Pumpkin Magic

What would it do? Scare people and keep you regular, two priceless functions for daily life.

Characteristics of a Champion

As a young man inclined toward droopiness and acquainted with the slouch entered the clearing, a voice belonging to no body spoke.
"Turn back, for those who enter the mysterious forest become lost in its wandering ways without its secret, one not learnable through woodcraft. Wait. Did I not warn you of this already?"
"You did, but I didn't get lost at all," the youth complained before tromping ahead into the depths.
Hours later, an interval shorter than usual, the voice spoke again to address a fellow coming into the clearing as to his peril. "Turn back, for, hold, you again? How can this be?"
"I keep getting magically whisked outside every time I reach the heart of the forest or whatever it's called," he said while scratching his neck. "I thought I was supposed to be trapped here forever, unable to return home. Might you instruct me a little in the forest's purpose?"
"Astonishing. Could you be the one capable of reaching the truth of this world by unerring routes? Should you become my instrument, wielding my powers beyond the wooded confines, how much might be accomplished!"
"If that's an excuse to go far away, I'll do it."
And so a new legend began.
Finis

Reason #249 for 2XKO's Failure

I don't know anything about this game, but watching Evo Japan, I don't see any cool guys, charming rogues, or edgelords in the roster. They forgot the most fundamental archetypes. It seems to be the only one of these games the French play though, so that must mean something. Publishers! Check if French people like your upcoming game! If they do, worry!

Maturity's Dawn

It's when you look back on the fantasy and science fiction games you enjoyed as a youth and wonder, "Wait a minute. How many of those settings and stories were some guy's Dungeons & Dragons/GURPS/Traveller/Vampire: The Masquerade homebrew campaign?" The answer is 86.7%, by the way.

Addendum

The premium version will be made of metal and make satisfying clinking noises as you spin it, plus it will have multiple settings so that it can be used for all three books. That might be a trilogy, but it can also be a collection along some other lines.
The temptation will be great to have sentences that only someone with the premium code wheel can read, but it's a mistake. As it is, people will refrain from just looking up the text on the internet because they'll enjoy the process itself, but once they look up the secret message, that's it for restraint. Video game hint books work the same way.

Bringing Books Back Up

People don't want to read because it's far too simple, rote, and quite frankly, if you'll excuse such strong language, lacking in interactivity. What they really want is to buy books that are entirely in cipher and have a big code wheel with neat art on it so they can dive into the process, not just the substance. The code wheel can be signed by the author, the editor, the encoder, or all three for the deluxe edition.

Addendum

Naturally they'll still have radio. Nobody will know anyone who listens to it, but somehow they'll still have it.

Retroization

Owing to the phenomenon wherein all the years prior to this become compressed into a big lump we all the past, kids approximately 120 years hence will regard television as something enjoyed during the middle ages. They'll be right.

Gigantic Supply

The giant Oyazar hit on a great scheme. He kicked his way through the mountains and charged the humans a toll for using the pass he made. His work and smarts made him rich in goats.
His wealth was not ignored by the other giants, who rushed to trample out their own passes. The fools leveled the whole range, they made it a plain, they ruined Oyazar's business and got none of their own. He wished the worst upon them and said everything he could, but he knew better than to talk all day instead of doing.
His next job was raising cities for the humans, great things with walls, and as many fortunes as they paid him they knew it was cheaper than doing it themselves. It was a good career, but the other giants ruined that too by competing instead of colluding. Before anyone could count them all humans had cities everywhere they wanted them at lower prices than they should have brought in. Oyazar was back to selling off his goats.
"Those oafs! They've got to be handled!" He went on in that way to a clever human he had met in his wall-building.
"Now that I've heard the whole thing, pay me one or two of those fortunes, you won't miss them, and I'll tell you how to fix those giants up."
Oyazar liked the plot as much as any of his own. His friend acted out paying him while they were near wells. When the other giants found out, they were always spying of course, they gave the friend a bit to find out what it was for and heard it was for sinking wells straight down, just stomping the earth out of the way faster than what any shovel could do. They offered the same service to every hamlet they came across, dug deep down, and all drowned or starved before they remembered to make sure they could get back up.
After that Oyazar was the last giant. He did things only giants could do and earned plenty of goats.
Finis

The Sad Reality of Magic Talking Swords

You think you're getting a true companion that's either comic relief or whispering that you need to kill, but you're more likely to end up with a sword programmed with a few lines the magesmith thought were cool.

Space Colonization Motivation

While economically questionable, human migration will definitely occur when people get tired of having just one internet that's entirely bots.

Elevation Derivation

In order to figure out whether magic works better at high or low altitudes, you'll have to figure out if magic comes from the earth's core or the moon. Obviously it's going to come from both, right? But then you have to decide whether your main character wields both or neither, and that's going to depend on countless factors such as your mood. Actually that's the only one.

Addendum

Naturally, somebody stuck with a talking animal companion should belong to a different alignment for the contrast.