The Inscrutable Meed of Valor

After the battle, the great spirit Elgophan addressed Jinios thus: "You, a mortal man, have made an unforgettable exhibition of your might and bravery against these baercaces. I am minded to exchange gifts. Here, I will have that shield, rent to uselessness save as a trophy, and take you this lizard canister."
"A . . . what?" The firmament sent down a single of its jewel-like stars which resolved itself in Jinios's hands as a canister some eight inches long. Its surface had a dull sheen to it. "Oh, a canister, that I suppose contains a lizard possessed of peculiar virtues." "There is no lizard inside it."
"Oh. Can it contain a lizard?"
"Certainly."
"Can it be filled with things other than lizards?"
"It must be so, before the end."
While Jinios examined it the mysterious gift, Elgophan disappeared, and never again did they meet.
Years later, the theft of the Gochish Arract from the despot's vault succeeded as far as the acquisition, but the extraction was another matter. Jinios acted to assist the rash but likable thieves by hiding the Arract on his person, but the thorough guards restricted their examination in no way at all.
"Nothing on this one, but what might he be hiding in here?" The guard held up the canister and shook it.
"Haven't you ever seen a lizard canister? All you're doing is agitating the lizard. And wasting time."
With that, the canister was handed back to Jinios, who, awed at the manifold windings of fate, then recalled the final words of Elgophan.
Finis

Addender

Of course what we all really want is one of those Inspector Gadget books. How did a little girl and a dog get that anyway? Theft? Misappropriation of funds? Aliens? The Greatest American Hero aliens?

Addendum

Relatively speaking, of course. An empire can't be counted upon for reliable law enforcement across all its possessions, territories, client kingdoms, and so forth. What you really want is a mage judge.

Speaking of Law Enforcement

You know what you want to cut down on theft? Non-evil empires.

Addendum

Don't make it about that guy you steal the charisma cloak from in Baldur's Gate, though. That guy's a little too much like me.

Shock! The Professor's Invention Is What?!?!

Nouveau Drythorn City was the place to be for anyone with an interest in the latest golem designs or the financial opportunities in golems and golem-related industries which had already created a new class of the wealthy. No map of the continent showed any place more likely to reward daring, whether intellectual, entrepreneurial, or criminal.
It was in response to that last, Professor Brannes declared, that he had embarked on his latest endeavor. When Brannes talked, the clued-in listened, and so a crowd assembled at the professor's atelier before the appointed time. Giddy inventors, exuberant investors, and common announcement-lovers made up the mass, and any among them who thought he saw some government officials or underworld fixtures with their hats pulled low would not have been mistaken.
"Thank you for coming, gentlemen." Professor Brannes walked out while the sound of the last bell still vibrated in the audience's ears. He snapped open the cover of his own watch as well to check the time, for he left nothing to chance. "It is not my intention to waste time. You know the situation as well as I. Golem crime is on the rise. A special unit has been formed to combat it, but without better tools, unscrupulous criminals will keep the advantage. That is why I invented the stoplem."
Murmurs spread throughout the crowds, heads were put together, and a few shady figures ran off to report on the emerging situation.
The professor did not wait for silence. "Yes, the stoplem. Though incapable of movement on its own, the authorities will find it an invaluable ally. The field it emits interferes with golem animation, rendering the target helpless, or at least diminished in capacity when it comes to high-output models. Let the golem gangs beware." He raised his hand, and behind him the thick, heavy shutter guarding his atelier rolled up.
The murmur broke out into a full tumult. At first Professor Brannes believed the excellence of his invention caused it, but when he turned, he realized the truth. The prototype stoplem was gone, stolen. The news flew through the city on wings of trepidation. At headquarters, the Golem Crime Unit began to move.
Finis

Parallel Timelines

Raymond E. Feist was only two letters away from being a bank robber instead of a fantasy author. Strange to think about.