How to Make Maces Cool

Concentrate on the flanges. Interchangeable flanges for different kinds of creatures, legendary flanges which require a quest to collect, oversized flanges that scream and drip blood. The principle is the same as that behind a baseball bat with nails in it.

Addendum

If you're wondering what kind of circle of mages would develop such a thing, probably one with access to the internet, to wit, time-travelers. Whether they're traveling forward or backward is beyond me to say.

Practicality vs. Theatricality

I'm not sure a form of magic that involves tinting glass with spells that explode when activated is financially responsible, but the 5-minute animated shorts will be tremendous.

Time Grime

The first wizards who figure out long-distance communication time differences are going to be thrown for a loop. They're going to end up working up huge tables full of wizard towers with times listed till some genius figures out a system. That system will probably not be time zones, but if they are, they'll be named after gods or guardian beasts or something.

An Echo of Two Thousand Years

Ennraeso paused before the gap in the unearthed wall, overcome. "Gentlemen. It was our grandfathers who began the work of deciphering the Yuyingi script unread for over two thousand years. It was our fathers who scoured the land and wandered through documents in their search for remains of that civilization formerly sorted among the annals of fancy rather than history. It is we who will consummate the great endeavor."
Terefesso, Uillanso, Iflenso, and Raalhu bowed their heads as if they only then felt the weight of their inheritance despite having contributed to it themselves through worthy exertions. The other men felt nothing of the momentary emotion, but as laborers they understood the satisfaction at the end of a long job done ably.
At last Ennraeso's agitation settled and he penetrated a silence older than history. His pace was steady and his direction sure despite the obscurations of time. The settlement had been small and built for a simple purpose, that of providing what Vgounde's limitless genius required. Nowhere but the center could have been allotted for the residence of that peerless master of wisdom and every elevated art.
Inside Vgounde's study, what they expected, what they hoped, what they yearned to find, they found. Text, inscribed in the walls, etched in tablets, and written on scrolls, everywhere text in the Yuyingi script so long lost but now reclaimed. Ennraeso, his belly a battlefield between hesitation and eagerness, took hold of a scroll and manfully unrolled it.
"I, Vgounde, leave this message for the one who will read this two thousand, three hundred eight years from today. Ahaha, what are you doing, man? Hardly anyone can read this stuff right now while I'm alive. Yeesh! Why should they learn? So they read out temple accounts when the girls pass by on the way to the well? Pfft. That doesn't impress our ladies, Ennraeso, and not yours either. I have foreseen this.
"Listen, brother. Listen. It's not too late to learn a real skill. Try saddle-making. We don't even have saddles! That's how dumb we are! You want to benefit from our ancient knowledge? Ain't got none, hahaha. Whew! What a waste of time.
"I feel bad for you, I really do, so I left one little bit of magic we have that you don't in this room. You don't need it yourself, but in eighty-three years people will think of you sometimes. All right, I have to be a little honest here or the gods will take away my gifts. They're going to declare you an unequaled benefactor of mankind and the model for all scholars. No, really, they will, but brother, this is it. You can already read enough. Now get out there and pick up an instrument. One of those deals with a bunch of parts we don't have words for. We've just got wood with holes in it, man! Haha, have a good evening, Ennraeso! Oh, by the way, your butler has already sold off most of your silver. You got pewter in those cabinets, brother."
"I thought so. I must send a letter to dismiss him," Ennraeso said, unruffled.
Finis

Child Names Fundamentals

In a world with elemental magic, do you think optimistic parents would give their children names like Tempest and Pyroblast? You're thinking it now, of course.

Doubts About the True Nature of Magic

Usually in fantasy magic is great at killing people, but if you go to a magic show, the guy cuts and stabs people left and right and doesn't kill any of them. I'm starting to think magic isn't worth much in a fight just like those Empire of the East books told me.

Magely Courage

At the conference of apprentices, an informal matter, a consensus could not be reached as to which profession was the unhappiest to pursue, since each declared his own to be the worst save Emet.
"Candle-making, grave-digging, wagon-driving? It is fortunate there are still humble people like you in the world who expect nothing! Mining, bandit-hunting, guarding gates? You are all very brave! I cannot imagine having a job that would put me at risk!" That was how he taunted his peers before they parted.
He returned to his master, Hastef the great mage, who was engaged in altering eerie liquids confined to shallow silver vessels for some elevated purpose. Emet recognized, though of course could not reproduce, the Reinforce Glass Against Hail spell. That was not its genuine effect; his master's custom was to name his methods deceptively, seeing no reason offer rewars for rival mages whose arcane sight penetrated his defenses.
"Emet." Not every mage had the confidence to give a spell of that complexity less than his whole focus. "You must be reinvigorated by the society you keep. Enough to tackle the red one on your desk."
"Yes, Master." Emet picked up the red sleeve and looked at the first page within. A spell of My Stupid Apprentice Will Die If He Casts This. Very amusing. "What is its actual purpose?"
Emet looked up and discovered his master to be staring at him, his labors paused. The sleeve felt hot in his hands; no, it was hot. Emet dropped it with a cry, whereupon Hastef, his voice low, said, "Ascertain the purpose through use. You can try the black one if you prefer. But you must cast a new spell today. Either that or accept dismissal."
Emet looked at the black sleeve. He had noticed it before but had been unable to perceive it as an item with physical properties. Lifting the front away with a tentative finger, he saw that within was an Indicate Presence of Nearby Treasure spell. He jerked the finger away, not as a result of any definite sensation but simply from a sense it would be wise. He turned his eyes, the sole part of his body which consented to move, back to meet his master's gaze.
"Today you are to learn of what bravery consists in regard to magic," the great mage uttered.
Finis

Magic Words

Remember silly magic words and phrases? I don't see much of those nowadays, and that means it's time to bring them back. Specifically, for you to bring them back. I won't be participating.

Aesthetic Crossroads

Pick one:
Psychic powers
Psionics
Psycho magic
Mind magic
Magic

The Adventure of the Glass Dragon

Daszel crushed the last nut-sized concentration of magic between his fingers. Removing the alarms had been arduous and unrelated to his safety, for the mage who owned the place would have been worse off for acknowledging the intruder. The client wanted secrecy though, and Daszel the Stymph's clients got what they wanted down to the detail.
The main thing this one wanted was among the treasures deep below the earth in the mage's sanctum mirabiliorum, some of them plainly valuable and others coveted only by the knowledgeable. Daszel touched none of them save for the requested item, a glass figure the size of a rich man's stomach which represented a dragon and had inside it an unnatural gem which gave the thing a pleasing radiance. There it was.
He sent a charm of comprehension to caress the dragon; he was ever wary of traps and curious too about the importance of this innocuous gewgaw despite his policy of not bothering his clients with questions. The item must have some secret to it, and so it did. The gem within was a dragon's heart, something few realized could be so small. The work of converting the figurine into the core of a new body was well underway; a dragon reduced to its heart was a play reduced to its script and awaiting the right actor.
What use someone (whether mage or client) might make of a dragon was likely to worry the moral, but since Daszel contented himself with ethics, he absconded with the dragon and brought it to the client, whose gratitude came in a substantial form.
"Although," the man said, "It seems a bit different from when he displayed it before. The color is a little fuller, but duller too."
"It's closer to reviving, that's all."
"It's what?"
The resulting conversation left the client quivering like a tax farmer who saw his books in a judge's hands. "Oh, that's, not quite what I . . . Are you prepared to take on another job? Immediately? It's to put something somewhere. Without being noticed."
"I'm Daszel," Daszel answered.
Finis

Dragon Incentives

It's probably Pern's fault that riding dragons and their dragon riders so often have some kind of magic/psychic/empathic bond, but let's be honest: Both parties probably just liking wrecking stuff and pillaging what's left. The will to evil is sufficient without such contrivances.

A Matter of Maturity

The promising child studies bunny magic, the apprentice rabbit magic, and the master bunny magic.

Paying the Mage Fee

Obeying the long-standing decree, every mage recognized by the realm save those currently abroad presented himself at the palace to enrich the treasury by one magical item. Fifth-rank mage Hufden handed over a bronze frog whose tongue could be pulled in order to receive an aura discouraging to flies for five hours, after which he returned returning home.
The next morning, he awoke to find the single chair near his bed occupied by a person who happened to be the king.
"Fifth-rank mage Hufden, what was that?"
"Well, Your Majesty, as commanded, an item 'proportional in power to the skill of the producing mage.' Wasn't it?"
"Either you are attempting deceit or else you yourself have no comprehension of your capabilities. Either is a great crime, detection of which is the point of the annual mage fee."
"Your Majesty . . . isn't the point to strengthen the kingdom?"
"Any policy possessing fewer than three sharp points such as a mighty trident has is unworthy of its proclamation. Now forget you heard that, for it is a lesson for rulers, irrelevant to the mage's lessons you have neglected."
Then began deep, assiduous study on the part of the mage overseen personally by the king or, when that august figure was busy, a strangely rare circumstance, the royal executioner. The next year, fifth-rank mage Hufden submitted a bronze frog whose tongue could be pulled in order to learn one secret of the swamps each month. He went on to destroy six armies on the plains of Yezniss, reduce a dragon to draconic extract, raise the Ninefold Bastion, and in general justify the assessment of the king, who knew little of magic but much of men, suitable priorities for his office.
Finis

Undersea Kingdom Categorization.

1. Formerly a land kingdom but just look what happened.
2. Currently operates like land because of magic, divine providence, supertechnology, etc.
3. Sea creatures.

Those are the categories I can think of. Do they cover everything? Watery aliens are three, ghosts and undead are one, the future is two. Atlantis one, Jabberjaw two, Snorks three. Yeah, I think that just about does it, but I'm open to correction.

Anatomical Intrigue

Do we not have magic in this reality because we have an appendix? Sure, some people get theirs thrown in the trash with the baseball cards that will never rise in price, but it might be too late by then.

Municipal Law Question

If writing had magical powers, would graffiti be double illegal because of the danger or legal because anyone capable of inscribing the characters of power cannot be gainsaid by some town council?

Chuckle Corner

Q. What do you call a space vampire who has mastered the dodo magic?
A. Knew I the true name of so foul a creature, already it would have been consigned to destruction!

Addendum

Unless dodo magic facilitates travel between worlds of course, which, upon reflection, it almost certainly does.

Intervention of the Dungeon Sage

Calamity! There was no other word for it outside of synonyms. Dozens of miners were trapped below, and worse than that, the mine might not resume operations for years. Owners and managers could do nothing but stand apart and compete in frowning.
"Pardon me." Normally people gawked without introducing themselves, but one look at this man precluded any idea he could be normal. "I came to investigate the new dungeon. Is that it over there?"
"Dungeon Sage Hesperno!"
"I suppose a mine could be used as a dungeon . . ."
"Please use your magic to make a stable new opening! And save the miners if it's convenient. Don't forget the opening, please!"
"If they're on the way. So that is the new dungeon?" Receiving confirmation, the sage advanced and, using proprietary techniques, descended. Within the day awed miners began emerging. Not more than a week later, Hesperno came out, wiped his hands, and sought the nearest owner.
"I've cleared everything out. Thank you for the nice dungeon. I liked the sorcerer-slug that was sinking curses into all the ore. It was different."
"The what?"
"It was a little exotic but not self-indulgent. Goodbye. I'll come back after you've expanded it some."
And so it transpired.
Finis