More Like Final Fantasy Temporarily Crisis!

I know there's something better in there, but I haven't figured it out. Anyway, buck up, evercrisisters. We'll always have our memories.

Let's Meet in the Town Square

The town square being, of course, Sword Art Online Variant Showdown Offline Version. Further, by "let's meet" I intend to signify my intention to marvel at the name and nothing else.

Unbeatable Idea for the Next Yu-Gi-Oh Archetype

Summer Skull. Think about it. More importantly, think about a mobile game that isn't a simulator, and also it's a crossover game with every trading card game, and it's a gacha. Tower defense? Maybe.

Adapting Shannara

Obviously it should already have been a gacha game years ago. Don't ask silly questions. Genre? Who cares?

Addendum

With holographic covers, to take something from other collector-rich markets.

What Fantasy and Science Fiction Can Learn From Mobile Games

Release special summer editions of every book in which all the characters are wearing swimsuits or other summer-related wear.

Jump on This Marketing Trend Today

Foil covers! Eh? Eh? You order the latest Tad Williams blockbuster from your favorite distribution platform and have a 6% chance of getting a sick foil copy. Tell me you wouldn't buy at least twenty copies so I can question your honesty.

Imagine Being a Rare Is Complete

The latest, hottest story about the characters of a mobile game jockeying for status in a milieu where nothing matters is done! You can read it for free on Royal Road, which is the correct decision to make. Much better than playing a mobile game or reading anything else. There are gags, hijinks, numbers that go up, and even a plot and characters for the snobs to enjoy. What could be better?

Tales of Luminaria

If only Cassandra had predicted Tales of Luminaria would shut down, everybody would have believed her and we could have avoided all this.

Tower of Fantasy Review

Where's Tower of Science Fiction?

An Announcement for Confused Fate Grand Order Players

That Waver guy all the guides are telling you to get is called Zhuge Liang (El Melloi II) in game. Also, you should get Zhuge Liang (El Melloi II) if you don't have him.

Thoughts on Dragalia Lost

As an expert in not playing Dragalia Lost, seeing as I only played the intro, I decided to explain its failure. Publish or perish, after all.
First, right from the beginning, the controls felt worse than similar games like Bleach Brave Souls.
Second, that intro gave the impression the game would be dungeon-focused, but when I looked in later, it seemed the entire thing was boss-in-a-box fights with a heavy co-op focus. The audience that wants more of the former feels deceived, and that which wants the latter will never know that game has it.
The biggest problem, however, is that it missed its aesthetic. It seems to me, a professor of not playing Dragalia Lost, that there's a triumvirate of aesthetic categories such that the successful mobile games hit one or two hard, which we will call Cute, Cool, and Coom. Games can touch on all three, but you can tell where its heart is. Granblue Fantasy is cool and Princess Connect is cute, for example.
So what's Dragalia Lost? It has those chibis, so it's cute, right? Not really. They don't have particularly cute expressions. They look like low-poly characters in an early Playstation game, as if their tininess were a technical limitation rather than a choice. Furthermore, they're being used to tell a pretty po-faced fantasy story about dragons and time travel. The music is cutesy, not cute. The difference is crucial. Maybe it's cool, but then, it's full of chibis and tubby dragons, not to mention pastels and slice of life type wyrmprint art are not the least bit cool, to say nothing of Euden's hair. It certainly isn't coom. The occasional bikini doesn't cut it. You need to hit different tastes and have a sense of the erotic which Dragalia Lost lacks almost completely. That's why it got so little fanart.
You can talk about this or that update or monetization all you want, but that only matters if people play it in the first place. Dragalia Lost's numbers were disappointing from the very beginning. I contend the primary reason was the lack of aesthetic appeal, although of course some people liked it a lot. Plenty of stuff I like also isn't popular, so I know how it is.

Farewell to Dragalia Lost

I don't really have anything to say about it, but attention must be paid. I can't believe they didn't put Link in it. It had more collabs with Capcom games than Nintendo. Come on, fellas.

Notes on Dragon Quest Tact

Hey, this isn't a comedy of manners at all! It's a mobile gacha tactical RPG! I give it my Toriyamaest rating of 5 Gokus/5.
I did this gag before, but now it's retro.

Imagine Being a Rare Now Exists

Have you ever wanted to read a serialized novel online about a bunch of idiot characters in a gacha game? No? Say yes. Yes? Good. Such a thing is now possible on Royal Road right here, right now. Synopsis:

The world of mobile games is harsh on wallets and harsher on the characters. How do you stand out in an crowd of designs calculated to attract attention from whales? You want power and fame, powercreep alts and event appearances. Some high rarities succeed, others fail. But how do you stand out when your design is plain, your power low, and your rarity, well, Rare? You don't.

In the moderately popular gacha game Commandment of Hero, some Rares have had enough. A new gameplay mode will give them a chance to rise above their rarity, they think. All they need are courage, kindness, and wisdom. They have none of those, but they do have stubbornness, selfishness, and shamelessness, which are at least as effective. If that sounds pathetic, just imagine being a Rare.

Updates Monday and Friday.

Bandwagoning

I have no idea if the Exos Heroes is actually terrible, but let's all enjoy the spectacle and pretend like we know something. Ahem. How about that Exos Heroes revamp, right, fellas?

Detailed Review of Re:Zero Collaboration in Konosuba Fantastic Days

Terrible story but I got all three of them. 10/10.

Tales of Luminaria Went

Shame about those initial reviews, fellas, but look on the bright side. Maybe the fifteenth Tales mobile game will be a huge success.

Tales of Luminaria Is Coming

And for everyone's convenience, they split it into JP and Global servers so we know which one will get shut down first. What a swell publisher!

More News!

Tales of Luminaria is a something-or-other. Not really sure. Kinda hard to care about Tales of mobile games at this point.