Backup Plan

Audiences are getting wise to having characters claim "there's no time right now" when there obviously is or else time could easily be made later, but it's so convenient. What do we do? Here's the solution: "Questions slithered through my mind like noodles, and as simple as it seemed it must be to grab them, every time I tried the thing slipped out of my fingers." Then if anyone complains you can respond (from an alt account) that clearly not everyone understands psychology, some people just want to be spoonfed, diminished attention span, media literacy, and so on.

Addendum

The captain's job will of course to be handsome and invite people to dinner. It's not like there will be much else to do in space. "Captain, we had to wake you! Something came up!" Nothing will come up.

The Psychology of Space Travel

In the future when we (and I do mean we, radical-life-extension brothers and sisters) can enjoy leisurely spaceship cruises, will the captain sometimes mess with the temperature because people get all weird when the weather's too constant? No. It will be a separate officer whose job that is.

Upcoming Job Opportunities

Soon we'll all have productive work throwing pails of water on people to simulate rain in ships and colonies so that we don't succumb to space madness. Innovators will get ahead by finding ways to get people to sneeze during terrestrial allergy season and rig sirens to play during simulated night.

Future Studies

After a certain point, the primary concern of the spaceship-focused social sciences will be sound. Having the crew go mad from extended silence, having the crew go mad from a stale playlist, and having the crew come to blows over who gets to pick which 8-track gets played are only a few of the undesirable outcomes necessary to consider.

What the Television Executives Are Missing

They should adapt series nobody likes so people are happy when they're canceled.

Psychology and Cover Design

If your book's cover shows a bunch of people reading your book, everyone else will want to read it too. Think about it.

Addendum

Researchers testing a bookt that shocked readers who liked the wrong characters were themselves shocked to have all the test subjects die.

The Future of Literary Psychology

Books that analyze you and give you the ending you want automatically. None of this adventure-choosing messiness.

The Even More Future: Books that give you the ending you don't want.