Addendum

Or is the counterweight somewhere else, such as the caboose or the calves? I'm no Linnaeustician, but thinking about it logically, they probably produce gold internally that either rests in deposits or circulates constantly while the unicorn is alive. Now that we have the theory, empiricism informs us of our next step.

Anatomical Speculation

Unicorns are probably stupid, right? 'Cause they got all that weight in their noggin as a counterweight for the horn? Or maybe it's hyper-dense brain matter and unicorns are really smart. I doubt it though.

Addendum

Deciduous tree monsters look like warriors in summer and wizards in winter, but they're actually rogues. They're just limited in their opportunities.

Nuances of Fantasy Professions

I bet successful lumberjacks are both educated and canny beyond most, what with all those dryads and forest spirits and whatnot that can cause them trouble. If there are outright tree monsters, the lumberjacks must be powerful champions as well.

The Most Important Criterion for Ranking Fantasy Races

How cool does the phrase "The [RACE] kings of old" sound?

1. The dwarven kings of old
2. The dragon kings of old
3. The centaur kings of old
4. The elven kings of old
5. The griffin kings of old
6. The lizard kings of old
7. The kobold kings of old
8. The brownie kings of old

Addendum

Centaur doesn't refer to King Cen, but maybe it should

Minotaur Musings

The only problem with minotaurs is that their name refers to King Minos, and not a single person cares.

Monster Musings

Would giants be more popular if giant weren't a general adjective? Think about it. Suppose you start your story in this wise: "Thraddeus had a giant sword and a bigger attitude." Whoa, settle down, Thraddeus! Anyway, the reader concludes he has a big sword. But what if the story has giants in it? Now there's ambiguity. Did he steal the sword from a giant? Did a giant give it to him as a sign of friendship and receive a bracelet he wears as a ring? Minotaurs don't have this problem.

Fantasy Monster Creation

Don't forget the checklist!

- What does its meat taste like?
- Its calls
- Color vision or black and white?
- What do its eggs taste like?
- It can defeat X civilians
- It can defeat X men at arms
- It can defeat X heroes
- It can defeat X X-men.
- Names in different lands
- Sense of smell: good?
- It hunts at night or never hunts or what

Exploring Mythology

Did you know there were these dudes that had 100 hands? That's too many. In your next fantasy story, or scifi if it involves extensive bodily modification, eight hands will do.

Setting the Mood for the Year

"It's the Year of the Minotaur, everyone!"
That pronouncement kicked off the new year. The crowd tried out some initial partying, a little hooting and a bit of gyration that promised to develop into dancing later. Before that, however, the king requested details as to what was to be celebrated. "What is the outlook for the Year of the Minotaur?"
"This will be an excellent year for bodily health and eating people. Pregnancy is highly recommended."
"That sounds familiar. What was the last year and its outlook?"
"The Year of the Cyclops, which was most propitious for healthy sheep and eating people."
"The year before that?"
"Oh, what a fine year that was. The Year of the Sphinx. It will be a long time before you have a better chance to solve problems and eat people."
"Very good. What I wonder now is when the year will not favor eating people, of whom my subjects happen to make up a large number."
The priest shrugged. "Hard to say. There's a lot of monsters out there, so the chance of one of them coming up as opposed to a less people-eating creature such as a rabbit, well . . ."
"I see." And so the king and his brave warriors set out and killed all the monsters that eat people to take them out of the rotation.
Finis

I've Got a Feeling

It's going to be a minotaur spring this year. There's something in the air. Milk maybe.

Upgrade Your Zombies

How do we make zombies threatening? By "we" I mean "not me," because I think zombies are dumb. Here are a few ideas.

Mechs
Power armor
Muscle Tracers
Cataphracts
Mobile Suits
The Master Zombie
Silhouette Knights
Zombie fusion
Arm Slaves
Variable Fighters
Level drain

Addender

Or maybe in a fun way. Somebody figured out a way to replace the gold in a coin with a less valuable metal that turns out to have magic powers, such as turning people into guts monsters. That's fun for the people who get to play the PC98 game based on it.

Some Notes on Mecha Knights: Nightmare

Terrible title. They aren't even knights.
Word on the street is that common practice is to put the levels developed later first, because the developers improve as they go. It feels as if that did not happen here. The levels become more interesting and intricate starting around the halfway point.
Story: None. Dialogue: Ahahahahaha!
I didn't use every weapon type, shameful as it is to admit, but at the very least none of them that I tried seemed ideal for every mission. Hurray! The normal rifles seemed strictly worse than the plasma versions unless I missed something, which there is a good chance I did.
More color would have been nice in the environments and enemies. You can paint your mech though, which helps.
You sure do kill a lot of stuff. The weapons feel powerful, even if the healthbars don't always agree.
Overall, it's pretty good. I give it my mechiest rating: 4/Answer.

Apologia

Sure, "magnagorgon" mixes Latin and Greek, but let's not pretend it's the first time.

Forethought

"Put the magnagorgon over there. Good. What is it?"
The acolyte wrung his sweaty hands and spoke. "Great one, you have captured by your incomparable arts some of the most dangerous creatures. The magnagorgon, the tyrannolisk, the mindful mass . . ."
"Yes, yes."
"In furtherance of what aim are you having us haul them to this empty field? Not that we mind, of course, but . . ."
"An empty field. You do not see, as I do, the complex I will erect here once all my sentinels have been placed."
"Ah!"
"You see now? When robbers intrude and run across these monsters, they will wonder how such colossal beasts could be there, being bigger than the corridors and doors as they are. These magical mirrors I have devised will capture their expressions at that exact moment. Oh, how we will laugh!"
"Ha ha ha!"
"A ha ha ha!"
"Gya ha ha ha ha!"

"And that's probably how that magnagorgon got in there."
"I can't see any other explanation, frankly."
Finis

History Corner

For most of human history, the vast majority of the population was engaged in food production. People didn't write stories about that then either, so don't feel obliged now.