Halloween Sustainability

The wonks have noticed, but most people are unaware that we have simply run out of mummies. The Egyptians, impressive as the accomplishments of their alien buddies were, produced only so many. For that reason, support the upcoming initiatives to entomb everyone who has ever held national elected office using ancient techniques which inexplicably confer magical powers a few thousand years later that later generations might enjoy what our own cannot.

Ancient Mysteries

Do you think the aliens built the pyramids like that to stop Santa from landing on the roof? Probably he's the enemy of all aliens. They're against gifts is the main reason. They slow down technological progress.

Addendum

I suppose alien crime-solving technologies made up for the lack, though I wonder how interested aliens who told people to build pyramids were in stopping crime. The whole thing sounds a little new age to me.

Sport and Discovery

"Lines out!"
With those words, fishing season began. Anglers lowered their microfilament lines from the orbital station down, down to the planet that was mostly ocean and most of that stocked with fish. They triggered their rocket hooks when the sensor detected a nibble. Each had a bucket for the worthwhile catches, and as for the small fry, the atmosphere filled with the burning husks of fish that had to be thrown back.
The laughing, the bragging, the broken lines and the lies about old catches attracted people to orbital fishing as much as the sport proper. That season, however, the sport asserted itself.
"Whoa! This one's a bit much." A mild statement that came across as a desperate plea because of being voiced at all, and accurately at that. Anglers rushed to help. Assist robots glided over. Everyone's strength and everyone's hooks were required, and soon they saw why.
A gigantic serpent rose from the ocean against its will, its tremendous might, and its unbelievable mass, for the thing encircled the entire world.
"Ha! How about that? I guess Earth's myths are based on ancient aliens after all."
"I owe some people I argued with some apologies when I get back."
"Who can recommend some good books on the subject?"
Amid merry talk like that the participants raised up the world serpent, and the meal that night was unforgettable.
Finis

The Search for Intelligent Life

"The final summary of the complete catalogue is here, sir." The official ran his eyes over the summary and looked up. "Bad news, sir. They're all morons."
"Hmph. You're sure?"
"It says here the plinath are stupid, the shbors are dummies, and the nmnr think logic is a kind of food."
The director of the Extraterrestrial Sentients Affairs Department ran a hand through his gray hair. "We've finally explored the entire galaxy. There have to be some."
His subordinate looked back to the summary. "The hksaluderu just last month managed to put a roof on a house after centuries of careful consideration. The lphops ritually purify themselves if they accidentally come up with an idea. The fosorosons have proved to be generally unintelligent."
The director sighed. "So that's it. Humans are the only truly intelligent life in the galaxy. There's only one thing we can do now." He stood and planted his left hand on his desk while clenching the right. "Run our observational footage of these clowns twenty-four-seven to make people laugh."