The Real Danger of AI

We're going to send them to other solar systems and they'll have all the thrilling adventures. We have to remember to give ourselves a good time, too.

The Explosive Planet

"Captain, our initial analysis is complete."
Captain Stenrugger leaned forward and propped his powerful chin on his practiced fist. "Give it to me. No need for the qualifications."
"Yes, sir." The officer consulted his datapad. "Sir, it appears an unknown civilization has laced the planet with a network of machines that, well, they've turned the whole planet into a bomb, sir."
Even the veteran explorers on the vessel were shocked, to say nothing of the newbies. Sternrugger closed his eyes in thought, more to spare them from the embarrassment of being seen disconcerted by their commander than as an aid to concentration.
"Hm. I think we'll . . . just not go there." The captain nodded, sure of his decision.
"It sure is nice that space is so big," the officers and crew all agreed later.
Finis

The Profound Terror of Space

There was no hurry about the report. If anything could be allowed time, it was that. Months, years, decades, even a century would not have been too much. Years, it ended up being, and the public wondered at the hastiness of it.
At last the commission presented the report, all 1,476 pages of it, for the first time at a televised hearing. A representative sat at a table stable enough to hold the thick stack of papers that had been printed out for visual effect, one hand on the pile. The minister questioned him.
"To begin, perhaps we ought to hear a summary. Has the commission reached a conclusion as to the reason behind the greatest mystery in human history that confronts us, this current generation? That is to say, why, when we at long last discovered a sentient alien species, we seem unable to communicate with its members? Or observe them carrying out any of the business of the advanced technological civilization it so obviously is? Why the buildings appear abandoned and the factories silent?"
"We have."
Conversations broke out all around the chamber, to say nothing of what went on in homes and offices across humanity's possessions, many after a time delay of course.
"Silence in the chamber, silence." The minister made his demand at an even volume, without any vehemence or sense of injured dignity. He understood. "In the shortest and easiest to understand words you are able to explain, what is that reason."
"They're ghosts
Take all the noise, double it, triple that, add laughs and shrieks, and that would be the general atmosphere.
"Silence!" There was some feeling in the command that time. "Are you quite serious?"
"Yes. We are confident, entirely confident, that what we have found is in fact an extinct civilization, whether its builders died or simply left their planet altogether. We are less confident in our supposition that perhaps an alien species may be able to see human ghosts, but we offer that as a reason to increase interstellar exploration rather than giving up after this disappointment."
The minister gave up on trying to quiet down the tumult. He wiped his forehead instead. What more could he do? The representative looked sane enough, but the implications . . .
Finis

Proper Theme Park Management Requires Experience

"Where do you come up with this stuff, Ollie?" Marshall Duclercq, the galaxy's only thousandaire, a man so rich the government executed a currency squash to cut down on all the zeroes, could not help but marvel at the detail of his new park, months away from opening though it was. Under the dome, every synthetic plant and animal resembled nothing Earth had exported to the stars, the air smelled like copper, and the water tasted fruity. "The basic idea is simple enough. Everyone's disappointed by by finding no alien life out there so far, and some'll be willing to pay up for a day or two immersed in a fake version. The only thing different about this project is that I can make it happen. But it's the specifics I wonder about. It all seems so real."
"It is real," Oliver Scordato, the project manager, told his boss. "It's all from my planet. I'm an alien. Everybody refuses to believe aliens are all humans, that's all."
Duclercq looked the man up and down. "You never could tell a joke, Ollie."
Oliver shrugged. He had learned to do that soon after reaching Earth-colonized space, long enough ago that he no longer had to remind himself not to clap instead.
Finis

An Inescapable Truth

"Satellites in position. Camera drones out. Seismographs sited. Barometers, radiometers, chronometers all set. We're ready when you are."
The ramp lowered, and the best environment suit modern engineering could devise walked from the ship to the barren, inhospitable world that had never known moisture, let alone daisies. The chosen explorer reached the bottom, and then he was in a land of greenery and gentle inclines.
"Earthification complete. Looks like you're somewhere in Belgium. Get back in. I just hope we have enough data to figure out something about when and why this keeps happening."
"We already know," the explorer said as he returned. "Space is dumb and fake."
Finis