Weapon Parity

Want to add dignity and fame to the humble spear? Start spelling it "spwear." Now people will have to dwell on it, really think about it.

Ranking of Weapons Appropriate for Your Fantasy Main Character

1. Sword
2. Bow
3. Comically Large Hammer
4. Dagger
5. Polearm
6. Ax
7. Razor-Sharp Hoop
8. Normally Sized Hammer
9. Whip
10. Spear

Secret twist ending: Now roll for which one your character gets.

Human Inadequacy

There you are, trying to give your characters distinct weapons, only to realize there aren't really that many. What's worse, most of them are different terms for some metal tied to a stick. What to do?
Invent a time machine and confiscate all the boring weapons, of course. Until then, the best we can do is curse them in different ways. That one has a demon in it and that one will betray you when you need it the most. You get the idea.
Some people think guns and spaceships can't be cursed, but they're the ones who will get it the worst.

The Bad Hill

No one liked living near a hill where sheep refused to graze, and if the villagers were unsure the birds curved through the air so as not to fly above it, they all agreed they would do just that if they had wings instead of legs. Still, the best houses have the worst neighbors, and nothing ever came from it.
The villagers kept up that attitude until they heard the sound, which some likened to a collapsing mine and others to a ship torn apart by rocks, depending on where their feet had taken them during their lives. The noise startled everyone of course, and every animal too for miles around, but there was nothing to be done about it besides argue about what it sounded like, and in any case it only happened once.
Till it happened again, twice in the same week, then four times, then twice in a day. That was too much for the most patient. The villagers got together and picked Guy to go ask the lord to do something, since he knew how to ride a horse and had even been a scout in some army once. He rode off and rode back, and said the lord told him to let everyone know he would look into it.
By that time they were sure the sound was coming from the bad old hill because they got to hear it a few times per day. The ground started shaking after that, and the whole village was talking about sending Guy back to beg the lord not to put them off when a man came.
A man and some followers, that is. He said he was one of the lord's knights, and they all believed it because he was holding a spear that looked so different from any spear any villager had ever seen that it seemed rude to call it one. The shaft might not even have been wood, and the head might not have been metal if the people who saw it change color were honest.
The knight said his name was Terence and the lord gave him that spear after extensive research showed it was just the right thing for the matter. He asked where the sound came from and was pointed to the Shundil, as they called that bad old hill, so he climbed up there, but not so easily as that. By that time the shaking was throwing people around unless they were careful or even dropped to their knees. The knight's pride was in his service, so he crawled up the hill on his hands and knees all the way to the top, where he stood tall, held the spear tip down, and thrust it as hard as he could.
The spear went in almost to the end of the shaft, and the sounds and the shaking stopped just like that, with no last finale or trailing off. The hill showed a sign though when some stuff started coming out of the spear hole, and nobody could decide if it had to be blood or had not to be. The stuff ended up covering the entire hill for a while, and the villagers told Terence everyone should call him the Knight of the Red Boots from then on. He laughed about it. He and the people were polite to each other afterwards, and he left richer by a good weight of good wishes.
As for the hill, the sheep will graze there these days even though the grass is all red, and birds fly over all the time to look at the red flowers, and the villagers called it Redhill from that day on.
Finis

History Corner

Did you know the Roman army used swords? The internet seems to be confused on this point.

The Oracle of Spurwood

Even if the city was called Spurwood, the woods had long since been turned into farms and meadows. What remained of it was a copse preserved by the city by the strictest laws, for in that copse sat a flat-topped stone invaluable and irreplaceable. On it, once a year, the city placed a tablet and awaited the next day more than any holiday, for invariably an unknown hand etched tidings of the coming year of unquestionable accuracy in the proffered item.
Not only had Spurwood benefited from the opportunities and warnings given it as a gift beyond human expectation, but every year the wealthy both local and foreign bid for the right to provide the blank tablet hoping, as sometimes happened, that there would be news particularly for the provider. So it was one year when a rich stranger visited the city.
Able to indulge their eccentricities, wealthy bidders often came with entourages as that man did or refused to give their names. Fewer of them held spears down which some yellow liquid like molten sunshine dripped from the head down the shaft and left spots on the ground for a second only before disappearing. In any case, he bid as was his right whatever accessory he chose to wedge in his white-knuckled hand, and he won as well whereupon he offered a rectangle of copper as the tablet.
The ceremony proceeded as usual, and the hand which could only be guessed but never known wrote the city a graceful epistle as always. Much information it held in neat lines, but first of all the message said the year would be typical all in all, which was good for the city but a great shame and sorrow to the man with a spear that was not his. The man went away with all his entourage and his spear, or whoever's spear it was.
Finis