The Fairy Cottage

Once there was a lovely little cottage in which nobody lived. A prince took up there for a short time, but he left after finding the secret of the wardrobe. A second prince came later, but he left after he discovered the secret of the attic. A third prince moved after unearthing the secret of the cellar.
"I think we have to give up on this idea of dumping the place on a prince, sir. They have money and not much sense, true, but they aren't stable renters."
"Nonsense," declared Realty Sorcerer Garvaskem. "The secrets you planted there simply were insufficiently fell, my apprentice. Try again."
The cottage is still available.
Finis

The Explosive Planet

"Captain, our initial analysis is complete."
Captain Stenrugger leaned forward and propped his powerful chin on his practiced fist. "Give it to me. No need for the qualifications."
"Yes, sir." The officer consulted his datapad. "Sir, it appears an unknown civilization has laced the planet with a network of machines that, well, they've turned the whole planet into a bomb, sir."
Even the veteran explorers on the vessel were shocked, to say nothing of the newbies. Sternrugger closed his eyes in thought, more to spare them from the embarrassment of being seen disconcerted by their commander than as an aid to concentration.
"Hm. I think we'll . . . just not go there." The captain nodded, sure of his decision.
"It sure is nice that space is so big," the officers and crew all agreed later.
Finis

Christmas Gift Ideas

Attack your friend's village so he can go on a journey to defeat you!
Become a vampire so your friend can feel great sorrow when he has to kill you!
Invent faster-than-light travel so your friend can go on a space adventure!
Buy a truck and hit your friend with it to send him to another world!
Chocolate orange!

Q&A Corner

Q. Should the main character's butler go on adventures with the main character or not?
A. Both are acceptable.
Q. Might we replace the butler with a head maid?
A. Certainly.
Q. My, there's certainly a great deal of flexibility in this concept.
A. Go forth and take advantage!

The Adventurer Is a King?!?!

"The, ah, adventurers await your pleasure, Your Majesty."
"Mm." Ofza's king grunted and stomped over to the tertiary study. He did not want anyone to see him talking to disreputable wanderers with swords and spells as if he acknowledged them as worthy of consideration. He wanted even more to have no need of doing so, but the situation mandated an unorthodox response. His subjects, disappearing? Crops turning black, or red, or into rock? His armsmen had not been trained for such things.
In the study, representatives of a dozen adventuring bands had gathered, some nervous, some affecting disdain for their royal surroundings, some maintaining a professional pose. Ofza looked them all over. A scarred man, probably a soldier or mercenary who liked fighting but hated war. A young man with bright eyes and a permanent smile, possibly insane. And then . . . "What is this? Are you not our cousin of Ertuy?"
The warrior wearing shining armor that seemed proof even against weapons wrought not by men nodded. "Hail, cousin. We heard you had need of adventurers."
"But you are no adventurer. You are a king."
Ertuy laughed. "Yes, a king with sprawling estates. Estates that gave little revenue when we inherited them on account of various nuisances, and therefore we took up arms to instruct the trolls, witches, werewolves, and fairies who abused our hospitality how they ought to behave. We did so, and when we put hands on the treasures they had hidden away from man's knowledge, well, the revenues of our estates seemed small in comparison. Why not continue? That was our thought." "Mm. Mmmmm." Ofza pondered the story. "We do possess arms of better than usual craftsmanship . . ."
"That's the way, cousin!"
Finis

The Newest King Arthur Reimagining

Here's the idea: Bright colors and furs and fanciness just like in the French stories. Do it up real big and have silks everywhere. Allow the sun to shine. Put some adventures in there.

Forethought

"Put the magnagorgon over there. Good. What is it?"
The acolyte wrung his sweaty hands and spoke. "Great one, you have captured by your incomparable arts some of the most dangerous creatures. The magnagorgon, the tyrannolisk, the mindful mass . . ."
"Yes, yes."
"In furtherance of what aim are you having us haul them to this empty field? Not that we mind, of course, but . . ."
"An empty field. You do not see, as I do, the complex I will erect here once all my sentinels have been placed."
"Ah!"
"You see now? When robbers intrude and run across these monsters, they will wonder how such colossal beasts could be there, being bigger than the corridors and doors as they are. These magical mirrors I have devised will capture their expressions at that exact moment. Oh, how we will laugh!"
"Ha ha ha!"
"A ha ha ha!"
"Gya ha ha ha ha!"

"And that's probably how that magnagorgon got in there."
"I can't see any other explanation, frankly."
Finis

Innovative Idea Do Not Steal

A dungeon that's actually a dungeon. I'm not sure that's a good place to have adventures, but nothing ventured, nothing gained.