The newest fantastical ultra-story has started, and you can read it for zero dollars American. As for other currencies, I can't make any promises. Head on over to the place.
Mastery over all physical reality through magical rituals seems like a sure route to power and prosperity until you end up working regular hours and performing nothing but company-approved rituals. Commercial Ritualist Dirant Rikelta, fresh out of school, has to wonder what that point of his education was. Until he meets a god who lets him know the true purpose of his class, that is.
Showing posts with label ritual. Show all posts
Showing posts with label ritual. Show all posts
Thursday, August 24, 2023
Sunday, March 5, 2023
The Danger of Prophecy
The heroes burst through the portal leading to the inner sanctum, but too late. The ritual to restore the Betrayed God Chozka had been completed.
"Now is the time for my vengeance against those who turned against me." The pillar of whirling darkness resolved into a form indescribable in human speech.
"They're all dead though," the heroes said.
"Yeah, that's true," agreed the dark priests. "It's been a long time."
"Oh." The power of the god that made all tremble retracted. "It gratifies me to hear that. Now is the time for me again to bless this planet and all its living creatures. What are the best oracles nowadays?"
One of the dark priests pointed at the heroes. "There's a prophecy from a thousand years ago predicting these meddlers. That's the last one we have."
"How negligent. Now is the time for me to start up a new location. You're all hired."
Thus were oracular pronouncements returned to the world, and everyone made so much money they no longer wanted to destroy all humanity or break into houses to open treasure chests. Moreover, the god remembered to use some of that money to hire security in case anyone got mad about the predictions the way they did millennia earlier.
Finis
"They're all dead though," the heroes said.
"Yeah, that's true," agreed the dark priests. "It's been a long time."
"Oh." The power of the god that made all tremble retracted. "It gratifies me to hear that. Now is the time for me again to bless this planet and all its living creatures. What are the best oracles nowadays?"
One of the dark priests pointed at the heroes. "There's a prophecy from a thousand years ago predicting these meddlers. That's the last one we have."
"How negligent. Now is the time for me to start up a new location. You're all hired."
Thus were oracular pronouncements returned to the world, and everyone made so much money they no longer wanted to destroy all humanity or break into houses to open treasure chests. Moreover, the god remembered to use some of that money to hire security in case anyone got mad about the predictions the way they did millennia earlier.
Finis
Monday, March 28, 2022
Fantasy Edutainment
"Seems like an easy case, Stovak."
"Are you kidding? I've never seen a more puzzling mystery in all my career. We've got a long road ahead of us, Drupil, and there's no doubt about that."
Knight-Detective Drupil looked around the scene. The victim, the signs of a struggle with blood and broken pottery all over, the open window, the zombie standing next to the victim. "Uh, how so? The zombie killed him."
"Impossible." Knight-Detective Stovak raised three fingers. "Remember the three laws of zombonics. One! A zombie never kills anyone onscreen. Two! A zombie will chew nearby corpses for dramatic effect. Three! A zombe will attack all living things it sees slowly and ineffectually."
"Right, right. Wait. It's just standing there. Does that mean it isn't a zombie?"
"Yeah. And maybe . . ." Stovak kicked the victim, who grunted. "Maybe this isn't a corpse."
"That just makes it a simple case in a different way." Drupil reached down and helped up the ersatz corpse. "It's great to find out you're alive, God-Steward Tuild. Wait. You aren't Tuild!"
"No," the zombie said. "I am." Dun dun dun!
"I can't believe God-Steward Wregil knocked out Baron Edrak, who was threatening him over his relationship with his daughter, and used Count-Magician Brunuil's experimental transformation magic to turn his rival, God-Steward Tuild, into a zombie so he would eat the evidence," Drupil marveled.
"Too bad for him that there's one thing he forgot," Stovak said.
"The three laws of zombonics."
"That's right, partner."
THE END
Next time, a professor of lichology is found dead after a ritual gone wrong . . . and Knight-Detective Stovak's old squire is accused of murder.
"I hate this theatrical series. You can always tell who did it because it's the most famous actor in the cast that week. Besides, only Itrenorn zombies act that way."
"You say that every week, Trumarl, but every week we end up back here."
"Yeah, but you know why."
"Sure. Who'd your brother-in-law play this time? The temple custodian?"
"Right. Hey Criuak, you were great today, and so on, and my sister asked me to bring you this . . . Criuak? Criuak!"
"I can't believe it! He's been murdered!" Dun dun dun!
Finis
"Are you kidding? I've never seen a more puzzling mystery in all my career. We've got a long road ahead of us, Drupil, and there's no doubt about that."
Knight-Detective Drupil looked around the scene. The victim, the signs of a struggle with blood and broken pottery all over, the open window, the zombie standing next to the victim. "Uh, how so? The zombie killed him."
"Impossible." Knight-Detective Stovak raised three fingers. "Remember the three laws of zombonics. One! A zombie never kills anyone onscreen. Two! A zombie will chew nearby corpses for dramatic effect. Three! A zombe will attack all living things it sees slowly and ineffectually."
"Right, right. Wait. It's just standing there. Does that mean it isn't a zombie?"
"Yeah. And maybe . . ." Stovak kicked the victim, who grunted. "Maybe this isn't a corpse."
"That just makes it a simple case in a different way." Drupil reached down and helped up the ersatz corpse. "It's great to find out you're alive, God-Steward Tuild. Wait. You aren't Tuild!"
"No," the zombie said. "I am." Dun dun dun!
"I can't believe God-Steward Wregil knocked out Baron Edrak, who was threatening him over his relationship with his daughter, and used Count-Magician Brunuil's experimental transformation magic to turn his rival, God-Steward Tuild, into a zombie so he would eat the evidence," Drupil marveled.
"Too bad for him that there's one thing he forgot," Stovak said.
"The three laws of zombonics."
"That's right, partner."
THE END
Next time, a professor of lichology is found dead after a ritual gone wrong . . . and Knight-Detective Stovak's old squire is accused of murder.
"I hate this theatrical series. You can always tell who did it because it's the most famous actor in the cast that week. Besides, only Itrenorn zombies act that way."
"You say that every week, Trumarl, but every week we end up back here."
"Yeah, but you know why."
"Sure. Who'd your brother-in-law play this time? The temple custodian?"
"Right. Hey Criuak, you were great today, and so on, and my sister asked me to bring you this . . . Criuak? Criuak!"
"I can't believe it! He's been murdered!" Dun dun dun!
Finis
Friday, April 16, 2021
Addendum
Which Titus Flavius Vespavianus didn't say that quotation? Does it matter? I submit that it does not.
Thursday, April 15, 2021
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