Through Certain Half-Deserted Stars

The last transport scheduled for the day slid away from Outpost 72351. The small human crew relaxed, ready to tell scary stories around the single orange light in the break room. Even minor stations far from any planets had their amenities in the modern era.
They had their surprises as well. A ship appeared, according to some sensors and not others, and the ones that did report it reached no sure conclusion as to its properties. Its hull was curved overall except where it did not exist, or was it a cone that turned about its axle at different speeds for every inch of it? The operate could be confident only that the structure out-massed and out-volumed Outpost 72351 a dozen times over.
A check of the filed itineraries for the next week gave no relevant results of course, or a search through every known ship design, and it responded not at all to decreasingly calm messages from the outpost. It approached, and every crew member knew both that first contact had been made and that they would not survive it.
The unidentifiable vessel stopped. No obvious means of propulsion activated, but it stopped, less than an arm away from the outpost's hull. The crew members cried, wishing the station had windows or glad it did not. A light blinked on in the command center, one caused by nothing visible, that grew larger and larger until it spelled words that were read the same no matter the viewer's angle. "Boo! Trick or Treat!"
The ranking officer ordered all the candy they had to be ejected in the direction of the object. That was done. The light contracted before it swelled again to spell out, "Thank you!" The vessel vanished, and never did anyone in known space see it again. Not for one year, that is.

Happy Halloween!
Finis

Fantasy Wrestling

Is done by homunculi who think it's real. And boy do they cut a hot promo.

The Next Form of Fortunetelling

Reading the billowing clouds as a spacecraft launches, of course. Will you have a son or a daughter? What about your prospects for promotion? It's all in there somewhere.

Fictional Society Question Number 1,676

How would the people of this society rate the following professions in terms of respectability?

- Merchant
- Pirate
- Orator/Arguer in law courts
- Farmer (owns property)
- Farmer (does not own property)
- Informer

Addendum

He probably isn't doing anything. Lazy bug wizards.

Overlooked Magic

Bug magic, because them bugs is so tiny, nobody would ever know a bug wizard is doing nothing.

An Exalted Lineage

"'For a small fee, our experts will tell you if the bloodline of any dragons, elementals, or deified heroes runs through your veins.' A small fee to start with, and another, and another, and another! Haven't you had enough?"
The representative smiled. "Why, sir, this is simply a second service we offer. You are perfectly free not to take advantage of it, of course. Our inclination is toward the unrestricted circulation of information, but we understand some of our customers lean toward privacy."
"Right. I like privacy. That's the sole reason I don't want to have you bruit the bloodline your experts claim to have detected."
"'Claim to?' Sir, if you wish to consult another service, I'm sure their experts will support . . ."
"I do love paying two scandal-mongers, but I'm cutting back on my decadence."
"To tell the truth, sir, I'm envious. If only I were descended from the deified hero Povennius."
"I'm sure you'd enjoy it."
"The one who, at the battle of Ledaliae, famously . . ."
"I know what he did! Everyone knows what he did! Here's your money!"
"Thank you, sir. I look forward to continuing this conversation next month."
Finis

Worldbuilding Reminder

Don't forget the graffiti! Setting and genre don't matter here. Just put it in.

Great Opportunities

If you're remaking Resident Evil games, make sure to put dinosaurs in it, or else people will expect you to remake the Dino Crisis series someday. Nobody wants that.

Addendum

"I can't wait for our technicians to replicate the ancient technology so archeology can be cool again." - Archeologist who will never be cool.

Fantasy Archeology

Suppose there's some precursor civilization that left artifacts of irreplaceable might. Would that make archeology a higher or lower status occupation? Probably lower. Nothing's cruder than practicality.

Top 5 Jobs Better Than Master of an Arcane Technique

5. Bodyguard
4. Circus performer
3. Captain of the royal guard
2. Fist King
1. Rough and tumble archeologist

Speaking of Successors

Have you ever seen a story where somebody's mad about being passed over for succession by the master and thought that dude had a point? But then again, it's often unclear why people want to succeed in the first place. The master never seems to be having a fun time. Get off that mountain and become a bodyguard or something.

What Life Is Worth

The man walked into the hall, uninvited, unforeseen, and unchallenged by the servants who fled his terrible look and angry blade. He walked toward Froeri son of Oesti and said this. "I am Naul son of Naud. I say that you killed that man my father. What do you say then?"
Froeri, when he spoke, was never judged poor at it. He spoke then in this way. "I admit that I did, that you are his son, and that I owe a price. Here is my offer." He emptied the cup before him, and a large cup it was. He reached behind his seat then into a chest and filled that cup up, three handfuls it took till gold spilled from it. "Well?"
Naul stepped forward to accept the weregild, but Froeri drew it back. "But wait." The master of the hall gestured, and the servants carried in a great board that when set on its side became a wall that had three closed doors in it, too small for men. Froeri grabbed two more cups and filled the both of them with what he took from a different chest, which was copper. He went behind the little wall with it between him and the man Naul. After some little time, he came out again.
"Whether I owe the bigger price or the smaller, we will decide this way. Do you pick which door to open, and that cup behind it is yours."
Naul thought on that and prayed to the gods that favored his family and the laws. "That," he said, and pointed to the middle door. A servant, one who had run and became after that eager to please his master, walked toward it, but stopped when Froeri held up his hand. "First, open that one." The servant did as he bade. The leftmost door had behind it a copper-bearing cup. "See that? Now I give you this choice. Either order the creature to open the middle door, or else change your mind and your luck by picking the right instead."
Again Naul prayed, that time to whatever gods of wisdom and cunning he knew, and this was his answer. "Why not kill you and take all three?"
"The rightmost one."
Naul nodded and took the greater price alone.
"None of these men like sport and wit," Froeri complained.
"You did kill all their fathers."
"Who spoke just now? Where is the villain?" That, he never learned.
Finis

As to the Adaptation

The proper genre for a Licence to Kill videogame is a rail shooter.

James Bond Power Ranking

Now that everybody's watched every single James Bond movie, it's time to get together and disagree about them. Here we go!

1. The Living Daylights
2. Goldfinger
3. Tomorrow Never Dies
4. Never Say Never Again
5. The Spy Who Loved Me
6. Goldeneye
7. Dr. No
8. You Only Live Twice
9. For Your Eyes Only
10. Moonraker
11. From Russia With Love
12. The Man with the Golden Gun
13. The World Is Not Enough
14. Licence to Kill
15. Casino Royale (1954)
16. Diamonds Are Forever
17. Thunderball
18. A View to a Kill
19. Die Another Day
20. Casino Royale (2006)
21. Octopussy
22. Live and Let Die
23. No Time to Die
24. Quantum of Solace
25. On Her Majesty's Secret Service
26. Casino Royale (1967)
27. Spectre

So what can we learn from this exercise? Nothing. No two people have the same list anyway. Or if they do, one was sent to replace the other as part of some plot. So that's the one thing to take away. Invite your friends to make their lists, and if any is the same, well, most likely you're a deep-cover agent brainwashed to forget that till the trigger phrase is said.

Fantasy Architecture

You've seen sky castles and underground fortresses, but have you ever seen a stronghold . . . ON THE GROUND? Well? Why aren't you looking at me?

Addendum

You probably don't want to get in the backroom. It's full of shibboleths and other indescribable beings of an unhelpful nature.

New Secret Word So We Know You're Cool

Be sure to include "wen" in your story if you want to get in the backroom.

The One Thing Fantasy and Science Fiction Share

You can make the fish really big, like mega-huge.

The Profound Terror of Space

There was no hurry about the report. If anything could be allowed time, it was that. Months, years, decades, even a century would not have been too much. Years, it ended up being, and the public wondered at the hastiness of it.
At last the commission presented the report, all 1,476 pages of it, for the first time at a televised hearing. A representative sat at a table stable enough to hold the thick stack of papers that had been printed out for visual effect, one hand on the pile. The minister questioned him.
"To begin, perhaps we ought to hear a summary. Has the commission reached a conclusion as to the reason behind the greatest mystery in human history that confronts us, this current generation? That is to say, why, when we at long last discovered a sentient alien species, we seem unable to communicate with its members? Or observe them carrying out any of the business of the advanced technological civilization it so obviously is? Why the buildings appear abandoned and the factories silent?"
"We have."
Conversations broke out all around the chamber, to say nothing of what went on in homes and offices across humanity's possessions, many after a time delay of course.
"Silence in the chamber, silence." The minister made his demand at an even volume, without any vehemence or sense of injured dignity. He understood. "In the shortest and easiest to understand words you are able to explain, what is that reason."
"They're ghosts
Take all the noise, double it, triple that, add laughs and shrieks, and that would be the general atmosphere.
"Silence!" There was some feeling in the command that time. "Are you quite serious?"
"Yes. We are confident, entirely confident, that what we have found is in fact an extinct civilization, whether its builders died or simply left their planet altogether. We are less confident in our supposition that perhaps an alien species may be able to see human ghosts, but we offer that as a reason to increase interstellar exploration rather than giving up after this disappointment."
The minister gave up on trying to quiet down the tumult. He wiped his forehead instead. What more could he do? The representative looked sane enough, but the implications . . .
Finis

Q&A Corner Continued

Q. I want to write about a bunch of no-goods, but I still want the readers not to turn away in disgust. What do I do?
A. Every once in awhile, have somebody remind them to act righteously.
Q. Do they have to follow up by acting righteously?
A. Oh, goodness no.

Q&A Corner

Q. How many characters should my book have before I start working on villains and minor characters?
A. 108.
Q. That seems high.
A. That isn't a question.

Addendum

Anyone who suggests Spooktober will be shot. The reduction of the Earth's population by 40% will free up a lot of real estate.

Calendar Rationalization

It's pretty messed up that the tenth month of the year is called October. November doesn't even bear mentioning. I propose a panel of fantasy authors be convened to come up with new month names.

October Surprise

Boo!

The Problem With Releasing Game Demos

What if your game isn't very good?

Revealed Preferences and the Law

One day, two pilgrims on their way to that famous shrine paused their journeys to rest at the very same spot. The first was from the country called X, while the other hailed from Y country, and both had left their own lands. The travelers talked about this and that, the news and the rumors, and when they were quite relaxed, the man from X told something of his story.
"I made a vow some years ago to go to the god, but my trip was postponed because of a rash of robberies in my town. I was called upon to assist in handling it, which I did. The culprits got their punishment, and at last I'm on my way."
"Oh? Is robbery still a crime in X? I'm surprised to hear that. We do things a bit more rationally in Y."
"What do you mean?"
"We threw out all our old laws. What good have they ever done? Someone broke them every day. Doesn't that tell you that those laws went against the wishes of the people? We decided the purpose of laws is to serve the people, not the reverse. For that reason, we set up new laws that agree with what the people really want."
"I never heard that Y had become a democracy."
"Certainly we did nothing so foolish as that. All you have in democratic states are people who say what they imagine they will be praised for saying. What good is that? No, we examined the evidence. Deeds, not words, and what is done the least and the most. Now robbery, adultery, and assault are all legal. Murder, only if the victim deserved it. Cannibalism and honesty are strictly forbidden."
"That all sounds very sensible. But if someone performs an act of cannibalism or honesty, does that not indicate it was their desire, and that society should accommodate them?"
"Not at all. A society which exists for the bulk of its members cannot at the same time indulge a man here and there who goes against it, more likely out of unworthy contrary impulses rather than true conviction. Now, if the frequency of those acts increases, the laws will change." "Even so, I like for my goods to remain mine."
"But do your countrymen agree? If so, you would be quite happy under our system."
"I can hope that is the case, if we ever adopt it. But you speak of men only. Do the gods have a place in your laws?"
"They do, if only they will come among us and demonstrate what behavior we ought to pursue. I make this pilgrimage to pray for that very thing." "I understand, and I will do the same."
The two pilgrims traveled together the rest of the way, and prayed, and that was the day the gods returned.
Finis

The Legend of Heroes: Trails From Zero Review

It sure was nice of them to put the score in the title! Bazing!

Score: Legend/Heroes
Note: I have not played this game.

Quick Question

The stars are . . .

Balls of chemical reactions.
The hopes of the people.
Ancient heroes, immortalized.
The eyes of the terrible beast!
Big bugs.
Gems as big as your fist, ready to be taken.
The future, if you can read it.