Visions of Future Anarchy

The first cruel robber asked travelers for the time. When they looked at their watches, he grabbed their feet and swung them against a tree. Knowing that, the hero approached him.
"Excuse me, sir. Do you know what time it is?"
"No, but you can look at my watch. I wear it around my ankle."
"Eh?"
Pow! The hero kicked the bandit against the tree and killed him.
The second cruel robber invited travelers to rest in a cottage. When polite visitors removed their shoes and stepped inside, the treacherous floor dropped them into a boiling cauldron. Knowing that, the hero approached him.
"Excuse me, sir. You look like someone who needs a break."
"Thank you. I'll just take off my boots."
"Eh?"
Entranced by the valuable watch, studded with gems but nevertheless tasteful, the robber failed to resist in time and was thrown into his own trap. Splash!
The third cruel robber gave travelers a remote control and suggested they watch their favorite program on his gigantic television set. Too bad for them, the remote was a bomb. Knowing that, the hero approached him.
"Excuse me, sir. Why not sit down on this couch and watch your favorite program?"
"It isn't on yet. Here, check this watch."
"And a fine watch that is. I bet it could bring . . . eh?"
Smash! The hero brought the TV down on the robber's head. With that, the road was safe at last.
Finis

It's Time to Start Remaking Books

Movies are remade all the time. You might think that has something to do with the medium, but way back when, everybody wrote his own version of the Argo's travels or King Arthur's rise and fall. What changed? Nothing that can't be changed back, especially when we revise those darn intellectual property laws in the interests of mankind's survival.

Addendum

If you reach the god retirement planet yourself, you can see a miracle. The miracle is that you are asked to leave rather than being killed right off the bat.

Speaking of Gods

Do you think gods use all those offerings they got to build a mansion on a way cooler planet? I bet that's true. It's why you don't see Zeus hanging out at the mall these days. Imagine that malls weren't dead for this thought experiment.

Monster Q&A Corner

Q. Why are centaurs partly human?
A. The human ones killed all the goblin ones. Don't feel too bad for them, though. They took out the lizard ones first.
Q. Why are manticores seldom depicted with human faces?
A. Because it looks dumb. God Emperor of Dune is a similar case.
Q. Aren't most manticores in fiction really just chimeras?
A. Hold on, let's not pass over "in fiction." Or "really." Tell us what you know.
Q. Gotta go!

Addendum

The wings should also be baleful.

The Core Pegasus Fault

Pegasuses don't look tough enough. They should have eight wings and baleful eyes.

Speaking of Minotaurs

Riding a minotaur into battle is a waste of a good minotaur, so just ride a bull or a warcow instead. Don't forget to equip your warcow with a helmet that has more horns on it.

Inspirational Phrase of the Day

"Prismatic Minotaur"

Addendum

Centaur doesn't refer to King Cen, but maybe it should

Minotaur Musings

The only problem with minotaurs is that their name refers to King Minos, and not a single person cares.

Addendum

But they're so portable! All right, lyres are back.

The Danger of the Classics

I know the old stories are full of lyres, but nobody likes them. We have to give up on lyres.

Exploring Mythology

Did you know there were these dudes that had 100 hands? That's too many. In your next fantasy story, or scifi if it involves extensive bodily modification, eight hands will do.

Be Careful With Names

Watch out for how your readers will interpret names. For instance, if your character Mandy Core doesn't turn into either a manticore or a giant space complex the heroic spaceship has to destroy, people will be disappointed. To fix this, have one of those two things happen.

Big Decisions

Suppose I'm going to grab stuff straight out of mythology. Do I change the names or not? Familiarity might increase interest, but maybe it will seem old and creaky like Star Wars. One option is to compromise by making their middle names the same, but having Benjamin Orpheus McFadden explain that his parents were a musician and a Greek language professor will not come off as being as clever as the writer would hope.

Addendum

Please do not misconstrue this observation as a criticism. Mythology without freaky stuff is like a book finale without Aginor and Balthamel.

Mythology Corner

People believed all kinds of crazy junk, but if you look closely, a lot of those stories are just somebody's fetish.

A Note on Deus ex Machina

The reason the deus ex machina ending was derided in stagecraft was that you should have had the god show up earlier if you were going to have one. The lesson was not to avoid anything exciting ever happening.

Clarification

That last story took place in a fantasy world much unlike our own. Shoes with false toes that make you look like a satyr are fine to wear in real life.