Rethinking Scale

You know how there were those dudes over in Greece that had a hundred hands? Contemplate this: They weren't big guys, their hands were just tiny. Good for needlework.

Monsterology Question

Suppose somebody gives a hydra a few extra heads, as one does, but then refrains from slaying it. Will it keep them? Will some fall off? Is the original head the one that stays, or does a fresh one take the main place, and if so, will the hydra have a lopsided appearance forever? Based on the imagery, I'm going to say that last one is definitely what happens.

Addendum

Phoenikes also say "phoenix," but a lot else is different. For instance, they say "pop" and "bubbler."

Fantasy Dialects

When you think about it, sphinxes probably ended all their sentences in "sphinx," right? Same with phoenices, nagas, rocs, and on and on, mutatis mutandis.

Ancient Mindset

The biggest impediement to understanding ancient peoples is that to the modern eye, somebody riding a chariot looks like a dweeb. When Zeus punished a guy in a chariot, it wasn't for presumption in claiming divinity, but to improve mortal fashion standards.

Don't Forget This in Your Fantasy Setting!

Are centaurs scared of elephants? How about camels? The ramifications are staggering.

Addendum

Similarly, if you make a chimera in your magical lab, your atelier if you prefer, it isn't mythological, but it remains a chimera. Fortunately the category of bioweapons is universally recognized, but many would find it offputting to hear a work described as "bioweapon fantasy." For now.

Addendum

As for the other myths, the internet has made their meaning obvious. For thousands of years people wondered about the symbolic significance of, for instance, Cronos and his devouring of his children. Turns out it's just fetish stuff. All of it. We just didn't know people existed who liked that kind of thing.

Mythological Interpretation

Certain myths have the obvious purpose of explaining why a place or thing has the name it does. The Hellespont, for example. However!!?!?!! If that's the case, why do so many names not have myths appended? Do we just not have them? Were the sources of most names widely known or obvious similar to the approximately 5,000 places called Newcastle after translation? The likeliest cause is that the Hellespont was actually named after or at least by somebody a persuasive mythographer didn't like and wanted to erase. The second-likeliest is that mankind came here from another world and carried over most names from there but needed a few new ones. Third-likeliest is that all such myths, when put together and interpreted, tell us where the treasure is, and that's the one on which I'm banking.

On Height

When Apollodorus (Pseudo-Apollodorus if you want to be mean) declared Heracles to have been four cubits tall, he presumably did not intend to make that legendary figure a target of ridicule. Yesterday's giant is today's manlet it seems. For that reason, be sure to describe your hero in this way: "He was tall and handsome by the standards of your time and place." There, insulated. If you don't want your hero to be tall, yes you do.

Addendum

Nobody ever uses the Stymphalian birds. They're right not to. As to the Hydra, or a hydra if you want to be that way about it, imagine a hydra chef with its many heads gripping various spoons and pans.

Elephant in the Common Room

The main reason elephants aren't used more in fantasy is that they can't fit in an inn, making it harder to start an adventure. The solution is obvious. Open-air inns. That will also help harpies, and they sure need it.

Visions of Future Anarchy

The first cruel robber asked travelers for the time. When they looked at their watches, he grabbed their feet and swung them against a tree. Knowing that, the hero approached him.
"Excuse me, sir. Do you know what time it is?"
"No, but you can look at my watch. I wear it around my ankle."
"Eh?"
Pow! The hero kicked the bandit against the tree and killed him.
The second cruel robber invited travelers to rest in a cottage. When polite visitors removed their shoes and stepped inside, the treacherous floor dropped them into a boiling cauldron. Knowing that, the hero approached him.
"Excuse me, sir. You look like someone who needs a break."
"Thank you. I'll just take off my boots."
"Eh?"
Entranced by the valuable watch, studded with gems but nevertheless tasteful, the robber failed to resist in time and was thrown into his own trap. Splash!
The third cruel robber gave travelers a remote control and suggested they watch their favorite program on his gigantic television set. Too bad for them, the remote was a bomb. Knowing that, the hero approached him.
"Excuse me, sir. Why not sit down on this couch and watch your favorite program?"
"It isn't on yet. Here, check this watch."
"And a fine watch that is. I bet it could bring . . . eh?"
Smash! The hero brought the TV down on the robber's head. With that, the road was safe at last.
Finis

It's Time to Start Remaking Books

Movies are remade all the time. You might think that has something to do with the medium, but way back when, everybody wrote his own version of the Argo's travels or King Arthur's rise and fall. What changed? Nothing that can't be changed back, especially when we revise those darn intellectual property laws in the interests of mankind's survival.

Addendum

If you reach the god retirement planet yourself, you can see a miracle. The miracle is that you are asked to leave rather than being killed right off the bat.

Speaking of Gods

Do you think gods use all those offerings they got to build a mansion on a way cooler planet? I bet that's true. It's why you don't see Zeus hanging out at the mall these days. Imagine that malls weren't dead for this thought experiment.

Monster Q&A Corner

Q. Why are centaurs partly human?
A. The human ones killed all the goblin ones. Don't feel too bad for them, though. They took out the lizard ones first.
Q. Why are manticores seldom depicted with human faces?
A. Because it looks dumb. God Emperor of Dune is a similar case.
Q. Aren't most manticores in fiction really just chimeras?
A. Hold on, let's not pass over "in fiction." Or "really." Tell us what you know.
Q. Gotta go!

Addendum

The wings should also be baleful.

The Core Pegasus Fault

Pegasuses don't look tough enough. They should have eight wings and baleful eyes.

Speaking of Minotaurs

Riding a minotaur into battle is a waste of a good minotaur, so just ride a bull or a warcow instead. Don't forget to equip your warcow with a helmet that has more horns on it.