When every other method failed, the lonely subject of Huthany had recourse to the professional matchmaker. One suffering heart had a recommendation from no less a personage than Commodore Frangest. "Uncle Teddy's the one you want to see. New in the field, but has resources beyond most."
This person was not to stubborn to accept advice and therefore took himself to Uncle Teddy's store; the fact that such existed already impressed. A secretary, another surprise, took his name and entered the depths soon to be replaced by Uncle Teddy himself holding a sheaf of papers, a sight which astonished for several reasons.
"I see you completed militia service and are adequately tall. Excellent. I'll put you with someone nice and tall forthwith."
"May I ask a question?"
"Certainly."
"Aren't you, I hope this doesn't sound absurd, the king?"
"We are Theodoric IV, correct. Now I expect a pregnancy reported within eight months or else there will be additional fee for wasting our time."
"Your Majesty, why, I beg upon your mercy leave to ask a second question, why are you working as a matchmaker?"
"You noticed everyone's height in the militia of course. Nothing is more strategically important. Two inches taller at the minimum, three inches at the average, and no army on the continent will match ours," the king explained. "We are not unreasonable however. No penalty fee applies should your children fail to measure up. If, on the contrary, you produce acceptable army candidates, you will receive a bounty per head. It's amazing we can stay in business, but you'd be a fool not to take advantage."
"I do see that, Your Majesty."
Finis
Showing posts with label marriage. Show all posts
Showing posts with label marriage. Show all posts
Monday, August 3, 2026
Monday, February 13, 2023
It Also Closed Down Social Media
"Here's the good news, ladies and gentlemen. Our company's Valentine's AI project has produced a genuine artificial intelligence in time for February."
"Great!"
"Fantastic!"
"So what's the bad news?"
"Here's the bad news. It's taken over and is arranging marriages for everyone in the world. Participation is not optional."
"Suboptimal."
"Unfortunate."
"So that's what that email was about."
"But here's the worst news of all. It's doing a fantastic job. Marital satisfaction is skyrocketing. Nobody is sitting around depressed until they turn to our products and services out of sheer inability to imagine a better life on their own anymore."
"A disaster!"
"Insupportable!"
"My new wife looks cute."
"There's only one thing to do. Send in the corporate special operations violence action team."
"Now I feel bad for fighting that proposal. Worse that I succeeded."
"I wish we really had one of those."
"Can we finish this conference up? I have someone I need to meet."
Finis
"Great!"
"Fantastic!"
"So what's the bad news?"
"Here's the bad news. It's taken over and is arranging marriages for everyone in the world. Participation is not optional."
"Suboptimal."
"Unfortunate."
"So that's what that email was about."
"But here's the worst news of all. It's doing a fantastic job. Marital satisfaction is skyrocketing. Nobody is sitting around depressed until they turn to our products and services out of sheer inability to imagine a better life on their own anymore."
"A disaster!"
"Insupportable!"
"My new wife looks cute."
"There's only one thing to do. Send in the corporate special operations violence action team."
"Now I feel bad for fighting that proposal. Worse that I succeeded."
"I wish we really had one of those."
"Can we finish this conference up? I have someone I need to meet."
Finis
Saturday, March 27, 2021
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