The Godless City

To remind all men that fortune is never constant, a storm afflicted the victors of the great naval battle so that within an hour they might have wished to have lost it instead that retreat could save them. Of one ship tossed far and then low, sinking, an officer and a portion of his soldiers made the shore.
The officer declared it a miracle and vowed to give offerings to the god who preserved them, and if there was no shrine for the purpose already, he would have one made, and the same for a temple when his means permitted. He encouraged his men to join him in that. "Certainly, but what god is it?" they asked.
The plain and uninhabited shore gave no answer to that. Stymied, the officer led his men away from there and succeeded so well that not a single one of them died before seeing home or whatever other destination he liked.
That duty done, the officer turned to the other, and in furtherance of it he settled a colony where he washed up. It flourished, whereupon the founder attracted scholars and philosophers whom he tasked with determining the god in addition to their other studies.
It flourished still more and soon became prosperous enough that its founder had erected the grandest temple known, though he refused to have it consecrated before his rescuer was known. More than that, he forbade the building of any other temple within the city limits before then. The injunction is observed today. Therefore, stranger, to answer your question at last, your devotions must be done outside the walls.
Finis

Subtle Social Commentary

All these people think they're cool with their "critiques of consumerism" and whatnot, always likening buying stuff to religion, but I haven't seen any of their characters go on as much as a single shillgrimage.

Genre Family Sizes

We all know fantasy families are too small because it's a pain to come up with names for a bunch of siblings, cousins, etc., but surely science fiction should be dominated by the only child or single sibling absent cloning, right? Look at contemporary fertility. But wait! If you're writing about future people, they must have had future parents and so on down the line, which is to say, they'll belong to cultures which keep those birthrates up. Again, cloning excluded.

The Road to Stellar Damascus

"Sir, we landed on the planet for the initial exploration."
"Then why are you here?"
"We saw a man, sir. A human. He told us this. 'Every sun is a god. Worship ours and you will be permitted to live on the surface. To abstain and remain in your generational colony ship, that is permitted as well.'"
"What's this you're telling me?"
"The others will tell you the same, sir. I attempted to initiate diplomacy, but I fell asleep. I woke up on the flight back."
"Absurd."
The captain personally led the second expedition and came back the first priest, and as for the colonists, they learned there was more to space than they dreamed.
Finis

Time Isn't Good for Much Else

A grand temple was constructed, by far the greatest in the world. After that, the people set about deciding what to do with it, since worship did not exist for the simple reason that gods had not been invented.
Realizing that, the people gathered together and said, "Wait, that doesn't make sense. We wouldn't have built a temple if there weren't any gods."
"That's right." The god of time stepped forward then. "But I sent you all back to the moment before we sprang into existence because I thought it would be funny. And I was right."
The people prayed to the god of time to return them, which he did, and the temple was consecrated to every god except the god of time. All the gods were greatly gratified, most of all the god of time who had gotten himself away from that temple made by and for total squares.
Finis

Addendum

I need a new religion because I've been thrown into despair at not getting to use the phrase "path of totality" for something much cooler.

Solar Eclipse

We're all supposed to believe in a new religion now, right? Nobody's told me which one yet. Surely some prophet somewhere called that the day would be a tiny bit darker for a little while.

History and Mythology Corner

Historically, plenty of people were willing to believe that certain gods and heroes were the same people as other gods and heroes in a different language. Far too willing, really.

Animal Sacrifice

I think animal sacrifice might make a comeback in the future, but for the time being, be sure to consider including it in your fantasy or scifi setting. You don't gotta, but at least make a deliberate choice.

The Too-True Meaning of Christmas

One winter, the priests of Wessario and the people all joined together in supplication, chanting, "Great Farden, the sun in the day and the sun in the night, the bridge across every chasm, the inventor of what is good and imprisoner of what is improper, answer our prayer and our question."
Farden stepped among them, glittering, and said, "What is your question, mortals?"
Everyone knelt except those who fell prostrate. "Great Farden, this wonderful celebration, this Christmas, what is it? Why do we celebrate it?"
Farden smiled at their simplicity. "Christmas is simply the day we choose to commemorate the birth of the Savior, the Son of God." "You have a son, O Farden?"
"Uh . . ."
"Where is he? What is his name? What are his powers?"
Farden looked upon the radiant faces of the mortals as they pressed closer and closer. He gulped. "Uh, well, you see . . . Here, drink from this flask. Be merry and whatnot."
As the people passed around the miraculous flask Farden gave them, they forgot all about that stuff he really, really shouldn't have said. He listened to a bunch of carols later and hoped Santa wouldn't mind a little memory-erasing, though the bigger problem was probably reaching other worlds like his in the first place.

Merry Christmas!
Finis

An Incident in the Year 572

When the storms started, the Oddani prayed. When the storms continued, they asked their priests to use stronger rituals. When the storms worsened, they pleaded with Hobbell, one of the prominent men, to make use of his foreign connections and learn of some worthy ceremony or helpful god before they were ruined.
He said, "I know you are quick to act and quick to change your mind. First you must promise two things, that you will accord me noble honors and that you will do whatever I say in this crisis without punishing me later regardless of what you think of it, since you have admitted your helplessness." The other Oddani made the promises he demanded and begged him to do as he had undertaken.
Hobbell traveled somewhere, and when he returned, he had with him men from another land and an altar of the same sort. He commanded everyone to gather where his guests placed the altar. Heedful of their promises, the Oddani came.
They stood in silence for some time until one among them, a householder, Maffan by name, asked what was the purpose of the altar. Hobbell signaled and his men grabbed Maffan, dragged him to the altar, and slit his throat while the Oddani watched, still keeping their word. Hobbell dismissed them then to their homes.
The storms left their lands after that. Hobbell took the honors given him and sent cattle to Maffan's family, more than the dead man was worth. When asked why he had someone killed against whom he had no grudge or reason for rancor that the Oddani knew, he shrugged and said that was part of the ritual as he was told it, to give to the god the first who dared speak, for the storms raged at their weakness, who ought to be strong. Because of that, everyone honored Maffan as a brave man, and his son became prominent later.
Finis

Addendum

Which Titus Flavius Vespavianus didn't say that quotation? Does it matter? I submit that it does not.

Profound Quotations

"A cult is a religion with better fashion sense." - Titus Flavius Vespasianus

Q&A

Q. What's the difference between a religion and a cult?
A. Cults are way cooler.