How to Make Your Dragons More Intimidating

German. Which is scarier, a dragon or a drache? Check out other languages too. I imagine there are some. I don't know of any.

Videogame Corner

Enough about Metroid. How are Youtroid? Doing all right? Lording it over those unicorns?

Addendum

Maybe George R. R. Martin can write a book about the first Praesident, Dorj Blashington. Stark and Lannister. Yeesh.

The Death of Fantasy

Fantasy's had a good run, or maybe it hasn't, but we have to accept that the future of speculative fiction is just history but all the names are changed for some reason. A Song of Ice and Fire already started it (Stark and Lannister? Are you kidding me?), Glen Cook continued it, and it's too late for anything to be done. Now all we need is a term for it.

Sovereignty's Mettle

The king issued this dreadful proclamation from his stern throne. "Every child born this year is to be slain."
The people heard him and said this: "No."
"But there was a foretelling that . . ."
"No."
"I sent carts of wealth to the oracle. We can hardly ignore the warning."
"No."
And lo, the kingdom fell as prophesied, because a king who cannot even make his subjects sacrifice their children is no king at all, his crown ever unsure.
Finis

February Club

Who's making every month in the fantasy setting twenty-eight days and just not telling the readers? Feels good, doesn't it? Kind of scandalous. A little bit of intrigue, you know, some mystery.

Addendum

For science fiction however, you can just go with hypergold.

Tired of the Same Old Currencies?

Gold, crowns, potch, we've seen it all before. We've seen some of these, too, but that won't stop me.
- casholeons
- blucks
- monni
- gramgrams
- glizzies
- dollarios
- borts
- spinkles
- zouches
- foddor

Bang!

No wonder people don't want guns in fantasy. That onomatopoeia doesn't look tough, sound tough, or resemble the actual sound at all. We'd better put together a committee to come up with a new one.

Addendum

Fiction is already fake. It doesn't gain anything by being double-fake. I decided to add that statement of principle in case anyone didn't share my distaste for those ideas. Now you all agree with me, right?

Debate of the Century

Which is worse, finding out it's all a dream or that it's all a simulation? I'm going with simulation. At least a dream might be prophetic. Meanwhile, over in the simulation thing, you know there's going to be ambiguity about whether the part outside a simulation is also a simulation. Ooh, so tantalizing!

Power of Love, Refreshed

"Ready the Love Cannon," Vice President Perrault ordered. In all the explored galaxy, there were few rivals to Mackenzie Extraplanetary Engineering left, but zero is a handsome number.
"Sir, the remaining love isn't enough to neutralize the target," a nervous engineer reported. "We've used it all up!" Perrault admonished the employee. "Don't get excited. That's why we began manufacturing little candy hearts. We should be distributing already."
"About that . . ." The chief warehouse and logistics officer had just entered, wiping her forehead. "There's been a snag with the first shipment to the principal megalopolis on Earth. There was a minor accident ahead of our trucks, and now the highway is blocked by emergency vehicles and lawyers."
As much as he wanted to get straight to the firings, the vice president prioritized the current situation. "You, engineer. Is there enough love left to vaporize some lawyers?"
"Sure thing, sir."
Perrault made an instant high-level decision. "Change the Love Cannon's target."
Finis

Review of Fantasy Island

Hey, wait a minute! They were using "fantasy" in a different sense from what we use here! Aside from that, I never thought much of it.

Rating: The/Plane

Addendum

Your love triangle, I mean. I know you're all enmeshed in one, you indecisivie little so-and-sos.

A Holiday Explanation

I didn't say anything about Valentine's Day, because when it intersects fantasy, a love triangle is far too likely. I hope it went well for you though.

An Inspirational Speech

You kids think about Dragonlance when you should be taking your Dragonchance. Nothing will happen if you don't make it happen, and no hoard acquires itself. Every one of you has a Dragon Spirit inside.

Addendum

I suppose alien crime-solving technologies made up for the lack, though I wonder how interested aliens who told people to build pyramids were in stopping crime. The whole thing sounds a little new age to me.

The Intersection of Art and Order

Do you think the ancient Egyptians had trouble catching criminals because their portrait artists were so bad? It couldn't have made things easier.

Technology and Desire

After ages of ignorance and stagnation, technology was at last making real, significant progress. The world of children seemed different even from that of their parents, to say nothing of earlier generations. Manufactories produced goods with such speed and consistency that the common man could own a version, albeit lesser, of what before only the elite might enjoy. Imaginations were looking ahead to things far beyond that in both time and space, all the way to the stars above.
Then the spaceship landed. Apocalyptic excitement and transcendental panic broke out, both well founded. Had their technology become too threatening, inciting the aliens to eliminate a future threat with the prudence space-faring civilizations must necessarily possess, or had they advanced enough in science and cultural maturity to be welcomed into a great interstellar community?
Ports all along the galactic vessel opened. Gunports? No. From each port, a banner was unrolled, and that banner said, "Now Hiring."
"For menial labor in the space mines for the rest of our short lives?" people wondered, but their worries were anticipated. More banners rolled out.
"Tech positions open. No experience necessary. Must be willing to learn. Must not treat modern technology like magic the way these kids today do, as if they can live their whole lives without repairing anything, which it had better not because nobody knows how. I tell you it didn't used to be like this, we took apart machines in . . ." The banner wasn't able to fit the rest of the sentiment, but the natives understood. Their bosses all said the same thing.
Finis

Charlemagne

Even Yu-Gi-Oh! knows not to call him Charlemagne, and that's a game where you fight with warships made out of sushi. Such an ugly name. It goes with Charles the Great, and while Karl the Great or Big Karl are better, that's good enough.

Animal Sacrifice

I think animal sacrifice might make a comeback in the future, but for the time being, be sure to consider including it in your fantasy or scifi setting. You don't gotta, but at least make a deliberate choice.

Addendum

As for "execrable," I just hate the way it sounds. The speaker comes off worse than the target.

The Frustrations of Modern Life

Every time I want to use "grandiose" I end up deciding it's a poor choice. The problem is that people have different ideas about whether its connotations are favorable or otherwise. In the past, famines happened regularly.

Science Fiction Verisimilitude

Be sure to include bits where people talk about how all music today sounds the same and is bad. The crude, unsophisticated author will play this off as an occasion for ridicule, but the thoughtful author will understand that the statement is universal because it's always true.

The Clear Path Forward

If Microsoft is just going third party anyway, it should have just made Bobby "Boberick" Kotick the head of its gaming division and changed its name to Activision-Blizzard-Microsoft-Gaming-Division, or ABMGD for short. Think these things out a little better, fellas.

Journey of the Frog Prince

Once upon a time there was a frog prince, and he was troubled for he had no subjects. "I must subject frogs to my government if I am to be a true prince," he said to no one, for he had as yet no court. He sought frogs to rule over, and while doing so, of course he ran into an adventure.
There was a castle, and outside it a knight wept for all the magnificence of his arms and his steed, and moreover he had many followers. The frog hopped to him and asked the cause of his sorrow.
"I see that you are a prince among frogs, Your Highness," the knight said and bowed. "Inside this castle lives a coward who has kidnapped my wife, my parents, my brothers and sisters, and that is to speak only of my own woes. He loves ransom and nothing else. The solution to the problem would be easy if ever he came to face me, but knowing that he hides himself behind those walls that were enchanted by a sorcerer for whom the coward did some wicked deed. I cannot bring them down no matter the engines I bring against them."
"I'm minded to chastise this fellow," the frog replied. "Array your people outside the gate and observe." After bidding the knight in that fashion, the frog hopped up to the walls and with a princely leap crossed over entirely. Soon he had the gate open, for though there were guards, the event surprised them so much that they fainted.
The knight stormed the castle and soon proved the truth of his earlier boast by beheading the cruel lord of the place. Everyone was free of that menace, whereupon the frog prince received much praise.
The knight further asked if there was anything they might do for the frog, whereupon the animal replied, "Certainly, if you might tell me where to find common frogs, for it is quite improper for me, a prince, not to rule over subjects."
"That is true, Your Highness, but I cannot see why they must be frogs that you rule." The knight said that and did homage on the spot, and everyone in the castle followed. As the years passed, the frog prince's power only grew. When next you wonder why we are ruled by frogs, remember there was a good reason for it, whatever you think of the arrangement now.
Finis

Adaptable Material

Everybody's seen Yu-Gi-Oh! Card Game: The Chronicles, right? If not, here it is. That's all well and good, but I hear people saying the Albax story would be great to adapt. They're wrong. As much as it may tickle you to see a new card and realize the latest evil clown is actually this jerk from another card, that doesn't mean anything in a TV show. Think about the actual plot and you'll realize it's just a whole series of, "And these guys show up, and these guys show up, and these guys turn into these guys, and these guys show up . . ." Not only is Albaz not the best Yu-Gi-Oh! card set to adapt, it probably isn't even in the top five. Wait, probably? We can check easily enough.
1) Vendread
2) Gold Pride
3) S-Force
4) Rescue-ACE
5) Shiranui
Yup, not even in the top 5.

Burning Science Fiction Concern

Do the space mechs work on land, or do you need different ones? This is crucial to your setting.

Addendum

There can be illustrations, but they should probably be either blue or black and white.