Irreplaceable Dignity

The guard stationed at the crossroads pondered his duty. "Not to denigrate so eminent a person as I hope to be considered, but could not a statue do as much as I? Ah, a chance to test. Hail, Terad!"
The final salutation was no silent thought. Terad answered, and soon the two agreed to terms over a rough likeness of the guard, altered from another comission which depicted an official who had already secured a better post.
Upon delivery, the guard fixed his replacement and left to pursue a separate occupation. The statue watched over the crossroads ably. No crime occurred which would not had the proper guard been present. The sole notable incident involved a traveler from afar. Taking the statue for a local god, he left an offering and prayed to it before continuing his journey.
Incensed, the true crossroads god smashed the statue to splinters. The guard marveled upon seeing it. "I never realized how strenuous this routine could be for a guard of lesser resilience. I am aggrieved, lamented substitute, that you bore the weight of my miscalculation in thinking myself inessential." He proceeded to consign the statue to the care of the proper gods in his prayer. Both duty and piety thus returned to the world.
Finis

A Good Way to Prevent Littering

Put up an equestrian statue in the town square that has hidden in its jewel teeth a spell to make people not want to litter.

The Obligation of History

Once upon a time, when the demon's power and influence seemed too strong for anyone to bear, a hero gripped the radiant sword forged in the strange country where earth and non-earth meet. Manifold dangers he overcame by his will and his tireless arm till at last even the demon fell. The people rejoiced and vowed forever to remember the name of . . .
The court historian's pen paused. "What was that name again?"
"Craddy. I don't think it's so hard to remember." The hero Craddy's feet kicked below his chair.
"None of that," the court sculptor chided.
"Craddy. That just doesn't do it for me." The historian licked his pen. "I have it. 'The name of Kemesh.' That sounds more heroic."
Craddy's morose expression drew another rebuke from the sculptor, but there was meaning behind it. "You can think it sounds like anything you want, but the sword magic I learned in the sacred land cannot be invoked without my name, by the oath sworn on the unseen mountain which no man may reach but one. I'm talking about myself here."
"You do like to do that, yes."
Even a hero could become irritated. "You asked. I'm giving you an exclusive scoop here as a reward for everything your kingdom did to help me."
"Yes, yes, we're ever so grateful, Kemesh."
And generations later, when a different kingdom conquered the world using overwhelming sword magic, none knew whence came the name they used to invoke it or why Kemesh's legacy availed nothing.
Finis

Divine Invitation

In the land of Hezel, a ceremony of solemn religion took place. The fires burned, the people kneeled, and the high priest's voice rose to heaven itself.
"We beseech you, o god, to bless us and house yourself in this idol. Vimur carved it for you, and it is his finest work. Behold the dragon wings that themselves are wicked as anything. Observe with your divine eyes the idol's six eyes which are so sick I can hardly believe it. Check out these flame decals too, o god."
The entire assembly murmured in agreement with how killer the idol was, but the priest had more to say. "It has two tails, not one, and they're all spiky, o god. Do not ignore its left hand, which is a sweet hook hand. I wish I had one of those, almost as much as I wish for your divine approval. The other hand holds, as you see, a big old hammer that's just ridiculously tough.
"If any god hears our prayers and either looks kind of like this idol or simply appreciates how rad it is, descend and dwell among us. I beseech you."
So he said, and after that day, Hezel became prosperous above all other lands.
Finis

The King and the Mountain

How Prince Ulrich conquered the mountain king is all anyone can talk about, as if they have all forgotten the greatest of mountains relinquished its position long ago. If no one else will call it to mind, I suppose the task is mine.
Once upon a time, a king looked over his kingdom where no mountains ranged and no hills rolled and realized he would have no high, strong place to build his castle unless he imported one. He sent Hugo his sculptor to fetch a mountain and thought about it no more.
Hugo traveled and judged every mountain, but found none of them suitable for the project until he came across the Ebenkopf, high and wide and flat. Rejoicing, he tried to pick up the mountain and haul it away, but it blew its winds at him and dropped its rocks so that Hugo had to admit to failure for the first time. "My king, my king, the mountain is too much for me!" That was what he had to say.
The king sent his strongest knight then, and Manfred rode straight there bearing his mighty blade that was wider than Hugo and sharper too. He hewed at the mountain to make it portable, but the Ebenkopf buffeted him with boulders and wearied him with winds so that the work was hard. "My king, my king, the mountain refuses your invitation!" That was what he had to say.
Then the king remembered he had not invited the mountain at all, though he had never been so rude before. Red-faced, he sent Anselm his priest to smooth things over. Anselm put on his whitest garments and walked to the foot of the Ebenkopf where he spoke. "Lord of mountains! King Rudolph has not slept since he heard of your qualities! Before he thought his realm fair, but now he considers only the land where you dwell worth anything at all. Take pity, sky-piercing Ebenkopf, on that ruler of men and come. Accept his friendship and our regard. Before we celebrated the summer and spring. Bless us and we will celebrate you for as long as the king's castle stands.
Hearing that, the mountain decided to take a vacation in King Rudolph's lands for a millennium or two. It uprooted itself, waddled over, and set itself deep in the ground so that only the highest part of it showed itself. King Rudolph built his castle there on that hill and propitiated the Ebenkopf with a festival that is held every year to this very day.
Finis