Then We Expand is out now!

The second and final book of the Chronicles of Wycon series, Then We Reroll, is now available. The nostalgic MMORPG adventures continue, though possibly without nostalgia and definitely without adventure. Events? Expansions? Yes. Aliens and cannon. Get it at a launch week price of $2.99.

The Newest Subgenre

Pegasus-Adjacent Fantasy

They Wouldn't Say It If It Weren't True

The trial had gone on for days already. Witnesses marched to the speaking step one after another like ants to a hill. Physical evidence surrounded the judge like a hoard and its dragon, and to the common subject Lord Regent Tinjlin seemed just as legendary and more dangerous.
The accused contested none of the claims made against him until the last day of the trial, when he took his gnarled staff in hand and pulled himself to the speaking step. Gray hair flowed over his shoulders and down the front of his spotless robes. Aged Eznadimus spoke. "The time is not yet right for explanations."
The observers all murmured to one another and nodded. Lord Regent Tinjlin stood and raised a hand to silence the crowd. "Well, that's fine, then. I proclaim the accused innocent. Court adjourned." Everyone went home.
Finis

Trend Update

Out: Heroes who seem edgy but aren't
In: "The time is not yet right"

Inspiring Quotations

"If worlds that run on RPG mechanics to which people get sent from time to time did not exist, we would have to invent them." - Friedrich Neetsche

Get Then We Expand Today

During pre-order, Then We Expand is buyable at its special launch week price of $2.99. Nothing lasts forever, especially hot deals.

Makes You Think

Warhammer Online died and Dark Age of Camelot is still going. Isn't that something. Really makes you question everything you ever knew.

Then We Expand Is Availabe for Pre-Order

The sequel is here! Chronicles of Wycon comes back with more plotless, slice-of-life early 2000s MMORPG false memories! Those thrilling stories of full-immersion VR adventures are all well and good, but reading them alone might ruin your sense of proportion. Use this as a companion piece to remind you of the unbearable reality.

Relatable Characters

I always do everything perfectly on my first try, too.

Actually It Always Works

"You have done well to reach my castle, whelps. However!" The dark wizard Krazath threw his arms wide and gestured behind him with his spiral-headed staff. "Behold as my stronghold rises beyond your meager reach! Kuhahahaha!"
Fractures split the ground and the earth behind the wicked sorcerer began to rise, an inverted mountain below a dread citadel. Rocks and clods of earth fell below as the unnatural mass rose to rule over the birds and clouds. On its way, however, it tilted, and the topsoil slid off with the castle on it. The edifice fortified with eldritch enchantments smashed into the ground as Krazath watched, while behind him the heroes readied their holy weapons.
Has this ever happened to you? If not, it could if you neglect to test your schemes before carrying them out. No matter how lucky you are, overlooking only one flaw or leaving one screw untightened can ruin the plans of decades or centuries.
Only last month a mad scientist's heinous creation failed to turn on him just as he revealed it, turning the drama into a farce. Before that, a villain transformed into a grotesque creature that lacked a single eyeball. What a sad end for his exalted ambitions!
Our representatives can put you in contact with owners of underused realities ready to bear a calamity or two. The heroes defeated countless underlings before attempting to defeat you. Can you do any less?
Finis

The Missing Element From Scifi

BWWWAAAAA

Now Hear Me Out

Foundation . . . for Danger!!!

More Like Tales of Put It Back Down

The Tales of Arise demo is the perfect modern game, full of petty annoyances to increase player engagement. Cooking after battles? I think not, my friend. Go back to this campsite that's just sitting in the middle of a regular RPG area for no reason. You deserve to rest after watching cinematic animations kill all the enemies for you and pressing the X button on items they had to make sparkle because they don't stand out from the dull green and brown terrain in any way. Then enjoy some ugly models standing still like they were in a cheap Spider-Man game while they discuss their single personality trait each. It has a crafting system, because not including one incurs a hefty fine or possibly prison. What an unpleasant mess.

Now That's What I Call a Fantastic Day!

Konosuba's out, so now I have to pretend I like Konosuba for a week to get some ad money. I mean, I love that Kazunori guy.

More Ys II

Also the way monsters can spawn right in front of you is messed up. Most of your equipment does so little there doesn't seem much point in buying it except that money isn't good for anything else. The final boss is the sort that requires some luck to beat, at least for most players, which means we go into the final credits thinking about how lucky we got instead of what a fun fight or game it was.

Some Thoughts on Ys II

Spoilers!

Now there's a game with ambition far beyond its competence. It adds shooting action to the good old bump combat, but the way enemies are knocked back based on their facing rather than where they're hit and the fact that you have to wait a million years to fire again if your fireball has to pass off the screen whereas you can machine-gun anyone in seconds if you hit make it unsatisfying. It tries to dial up the adventure aspects with little gimmicks you might use once or twice and endless backtracking across a senseless mass of buildings and sewers.
Ys itself is an unsatisfying land for adventure. That ancient vanished land of magic and mystery turns out to be three villages with a bunch of monsters all over. What have the monsters been doing for all those centuries before Adol showed up? Chilling, I guess. What have the Ysians been doing? Inbreeding, probably.
The game lacks a sense of place and, therefore, a sense of progress. Where is Solomon Shrine in relation to the rest of the island? I dunno, over there. It's not like you climb to it or anything. Why do you have to go through a lava area? Who knows? What are those tiny rooms in Solomon Shrine for? Adol feels like he's passing through unrelated areas, not making his way toward an ultimate destination.
The characters aren't really characters and the story isn't really a story. The way cleria relates to everything else is weird. It seems as if it's just thrown in sometimes. "You have to defeat the demons, and also, cleria. The magic created demons, even though Darm says he's ten thousand years old, so we have to take away the magic, and also people mined silver, which did something. Maybe." The whole thing, for all the backstory put into it, feels less satisfying and less real than killing some jerk who's doing something bad for more power.
I'm going to be entirely honest and admit that no, I did not remember Feena. That wasn't really much of a moment. They knew each other for approximately forty minutes.
The slow text is bad, and forcing you to sit through it every time you check up with old NPCs or want to restore your MP. Little moments like how the initial conversation with the goddesses triggers both when you enter the room and when you leave it waste your time and make the game feel sloppy.
All in all I give Ys II my knockbackinest rating, bird in a platformer/10.

Scheduling

"Your town does have a fine plaza, I confess. I do wonder one thing about it."
"What's that?"
"It seems sellers from one guild only are doing business here. I'm sure that helps keep the space open and orderly, but how do they decide which guild is permitted to make use of it? Is there a schedule of some sort?"
"I must declare you have chosen a good time to ask. Take a look over there." Welvin nodded toward the far side so as to guide his companion's gaze as the ground shook beneath them. A giant entered the plaza from the right, a clattering giant of clay and vim. From the left floated a great sheet draped over a person who was not there.
"Oyez, oyez! Ladies and gentlemen of the Dyers Guild, please pack up your stalls! Everyone else, keep your distance! The battle between Pottery Golem and Textile Ghost begins . . . NOW!" The crier threw a flag down in the middle of the plaza and ran. Pottery Golem swiveled on its expertly crafted hips and swung its massive fists while Textile Ghost floated around the blows and bumped into its opponent, each action winning cheers from the watching members of the Potters Guild and Textiles Guild respectively.
"That ought to clear it all up, I think."
"Very much so."
Finis

A Firm Conclusion

After finishing The Great Ace Attorney Chronicles, I can confidently state Apollo is a better character than Phoenix.

The Sad State of Adaptations

Discworld Monopoly, Harry Potter Quidditch gacha, The Misenchanted Sword musicals . . . so much money is being left on the table. What can explain it. Only one thing: Corruption at the highest levels.

Industry Q&A

Q. Why aren't more fantasy and scifi series adapted into radio plays?
A. What's a radio?

Addendum

Q. How about those Dresden books?
A. Pinball.

Q&A Corner

Q. What is the proper genre for a videogame adaptation of The Elfstones of Shannara?
A. Tower defense.

The Cordial Sun

Once upon a time, when things were better than they are now, the people were so grateful for their blessings that they held a great festival. They invited everyone in the world to attend and stocked every food and drink in the world. They put on every kind of entertainment as well. Poetry and pies, races and raisins, music and mutton, and up and down the alphabet.
They did not forget also to invite guests. The dogs came, and the birds of the land, and those of the sea as well. The tallest giraffes and the shortest fairies attended alongside the wisest owls and the most foolish otters. A guest honored above them all appeared when invited, and that was the cordial sun whom the people loved the most.
The birds and bats and butterflies all danced around the radiant sun, and every man and beast asked for a dance. The sun judged all the events as well and made merry all day long and much of the night.
In truth, the sun made too merry for too long, and as a result stumbled, fell into the lake, and drowned. That is why there is now only one sun in the sky, the cruel sun that lashes us with heat and abandons us to the cold.
Finis

Then the Spinoff

A crossover series about people who had cursed weapons at some point. Some stories would be sad, some happy, some bittersweet. Most would end up being comedic. It's hard to take the premise seriously for that long.

Sober Reflection

You can make fun of Re:Zero collaboration events all day, but if there had been a section in The Fires of Heaven where Elric showed up and went on an adventure with Mat, everyone would have voted that the best fantasy book of all time.

A Horror Story

Once a small indie studio made a game. When they tried to test it, they discovered . . . Re:Zero had already collabed with it! Dun dun dun!

Other Gacha News

Should we call Rem, Ram, and Emilia the Three Guest Characters of the Apocalypse or the Unholy Trinity? The White Tri-Stars? The Old Hat Trick?

Review of the Ronin Warriors Collaboration Event in Langrisser Mobile

They played the OP during the second part of the last fight. 10/10.

Trends and Philosophy

I was checking to see if sonicwasnevergood.com was available when disquieting thoughts attacked me. Is Sonic a hero who seems edgy but isn't? He certainly isn't edgy, but does he seem edgy? He certainly has a lot of spikes. Quills. Whatever. And yet, he's a pudgy little guy who looks at his watch all the time. Bankers and railroad personnel aren't edgy.
I don't think anyone today would call Sonic edgy, but maybe that's the highest form of seeming to be edgy but not being so. His true nature shines forth with such strength as to blind us to his spikes and his speed, the special ability of choice for edgelords everywhere.

A Common Scenario

That day, the conditions inside the club were so clear and cool, so conducive to the state between sleep and waking, that the members were able to persuade Gorilla Mage Honorius to tell them a tale about how he learned his gorilla magic.
"I was attending a function in Farther Deul some years back, and I hope you don't want to know its purpose or the host, because I have entirely forgotten. What I remember is that it was a masked affair, and a man wearing a gorilla mask coughed on me. Rude, but I didn't dwell on that. I also didn't worry about the dreams and visions I had afterwards, because everyone has one or two of those, but after a week of it I lost my indifference.
"I asked advice from the learned there. A sage told me I would never find out who the man was or what my dreams meant, but also that I needed to find the Gorilla Pillar if I wanted them to stop. Have any of you heard of it? I hadn't. It turned out to be a place far beyond Farther Deul's borders. The dangers might have dissuaded anyone with sense, but I was young, and I wanted my dreams back.
"I hired men and made the journey. We passed cities, then towns, then villages, then huts of hermits and sages. Those ended, too. We were assaulted by the birds that hunt cameleopards, for they had little prey left, but I thrashed them. We encountered the Eight-Finger Men as well. After some roughhousing, we understood each other. I had to sniff out Chameleon Mage Waltherius and give him a beating when he tried to make mischief."
"No hard feelings, I hope," Waltherius said.
"None at all. I'm sure all those trials had a meaning. At least we came to the Gorilla Pillar, so named from the gorilla statue atop it. I sat under it and meditated for two days and three nights, and when I stood I knew the fundamentals of gorilla magic. That was only the start, but all of you understand that well." The other members all nodded and thanked him for the story.
Finis

The Newest Locked Room Mystery

In a room with no windows that is barred from the inside, a man and a skeleton are found. If that guy didn't raise the skeleton, who did? The detective begins his investigation.