Trends Change Every Day

Out: Glowing weak spots
In: A mysterious person with one glove

But Who Invented Puppetry?

"I never had the chance to visit Altitharma Shrine before, so I decided this was the time. I walked the road for miles until it came to Hersa Bridge, which is where I am right now."
"Traveler, the story of the bridge is this, and I was there when all this happened, in those days when . . . when . . . Oh come on!" The puppeteer seized his creation and hurled it to the ground, then scurried over and checked for damage. "Don't break! I don't have time for you to break!"
"Trying to establish an image as a temperamental artist, huh?"
"Oh, uh, I, no, it's because . . ." Fargen straightened up when he realized Otor and Skjord had seen his embarrassing performance. "It's all the headman's fault anyway. He told me to perform 'The Apparition on Hersa Bridge' at the next festival. It has too many parts! I can't memorize all the lines, and actions, and touch up enough puppets beforehand."
"Sounds terrible. Almost as hard as real work." Skjord flexed his arms built by real work.
"Does the headman look over your shoulder while you're really working? It would be one thing if you were like the lumberjack character, who . . . wait." Fargen looked at Skjord, and Otor again, and then Skjord, then Otor.
"Yes?"
"What if . . . you two took the place of two of my puppets? Then I wouldn't have to learn as many parts."
"Huh?"
And that was how plays were invented. Good luck proving that story false.
Finis

Bandwagoning

I have no idea if the Exos Heroes is actually terrible, but let's all enjoy the spectacle and pretend like we know something. Ahem. How about that Exos Heroes revamp, right, fellas?

Happy Thanksgiving

A late message? Yes. Fashionably late.

Addendum

Would the Forsaken have glowing weak spots? Need you even ask?

As Long As We're Changing Stuff

All the Forsaken should be killed by Rand during shoot-'em-up sections where he rides a dragon. They can reuse the dragon-calling segment each time it happens.

Adaptation Q&A

Q. Why did you leave out important scenes from the source material?
A. Time constraints demand that we make cuts. You don't expect us to cram the whole thing in, do you?
Q. Why did you introduce subplots not in the source material?
A. We had to have something happen, since we cut all that stuff.
Q. Why did you change dialogue to something that takes the same amount of time to say?
A. We received a lot of feedback from people who as far as you know are fans just like you even though they insult fans every chance they get that their wives or girlfriends who don't read fantasy, which they all have for some reason, prefer the new version despite having no familiarity with the old version by their own admission.
Q. I've seen that and a couple other arguments so often, I'm starting to think maybe your marketing department paid people to say them.
A. Moderators! Ban this rabble-rouser.

The Implications of Widespread Magic

Magister Thorne consulted the thaumaturgical chronometer on his desk. It would not do to be tardy, but hastiness would be just as impolite while reeking of desperation. There was no need to be desperate. All potential stumbling blocks had been removed. He tapped the swirling orb next to the chronometer, concentrated on the person he wanted to reach and leaned back in his chair.
"Oh, hey, is that you . . . Thorne? It's . . . hear from . . . fine day . . . dinner still . . . this evening?"
"There seems to be a problem with our connection, Lord Haverstash. Are you very far out?"
"No, no, I'm right . . . stopped by . . . wash . . . charming student body . . ."
"Well, that's good to hear, Lord Haverstash. Lord Haverstash? Are you there?" Thorne cursed and dashed out of his office.
"Sir, I thought you might like to know . . ."
"No time, Miss Arhod."
"But I really think . . ."
"No time!" Magister Thorne walked out of the administration building and looked around. "What's going over there?" There was a crowd just past the campus, and laughing, and water everywhere.
Miss Arhod caught up. "That's what I was trying to tell you, Magister. You might want to tell Lord Haverstash to take a different road, since a Bikini Golem Wash was approved on Orange Street."
"A what? Wait. Who requested this approval?"
"Um, let me see, House Wiffledimp?"
"No!" He ran forward waving his hands and yelling for everyone to pack up and vacate the street, but nobody listened.
"Ah, there you are, Magister! You didn't have to come meet me, but any excuse is a good one, eh?" Lord Haverstash winked. "There's no need for a formal discussion anyway. I've decided my son and heir will be attending this university, and joining House Wiffledimp specifically!"
"Nooooooooooooooooooo!"
Finis

A Moment of Silence for Red 5

You were with us all too briefly, you majestic prince.

The Problematic Nature of Wheel of Time's TV Adaptation as of Episode 1

The erasure of Toms continues.

Addendum

The most plausible answer is "filth," so keep that in mind.

Key Worldbuilding Point

How does your fantasy setting handle photography? The implications are defining. No need to ask about science fiction though, because obviously photography has been banned because of all the edits.

A New System of Classification

There are two kinds of fiction: Pirates are good and pirates are bad. Not all works of fiction have pirates in them, but you can figure it out. For instance, in an Ellery Queen story pirates would be bad, while in Hyperion they would be good. At least the pirate who told a tale about all the action he got after an intense poetry reading would be good.

Addendum

"The greatest trick the Milky Way ever pulled was convincing people it exists." - P. L. Lewis

An Inescapable Truth

"Satellites in position. Camera drones out. Seismographs sited. Barometers, radiometers, chronometers all set. We're ready when you are."
The ramp lowered, and the best environment suit modern engineering could devise walked from the ship to the barren, inhospitable world that had never known moisture, let alone daisies. The chosen explorer reached the bottom, and then he was in a land of greenery and gentle inclines.
"Earthification complete. Looks like you're somewhere in Belgium. Get back in. I just hope we have enough data to figure out something about when and why this keeps happening."
"We already know," the explorer said as he returned. "Space is dumb and fake."
Finis

Punchline Corner

That's not my legendary sword!

A Note on Deus ex Machina

The reason the deus ex machina ending was derided in stagecraft was that you should have had the god show up earlier if you were going to have one. The lesson was not to avoid anything exciting ever happening.

Detailed Review of Watch Out, We're Mad!

People paid to watch that. I give it my most philosophical rating: sweet mystery/life.

History Corner

Historically, many people were literate, but you wouldn't believe what these jokers tried to pass off as handwriting. They didn't cotton to fancy notions like margins and spacing, either.

Underused Fantasy Settings

The future.

Detailed Review of Re:Zero Collaboration in Konosuba Fantastic Days

Terrible story but I got all three of them. 10/10.

I've Been Reincarnated in a World Where They Solve Disputes with Pinball!

"How am I supposed to beat a guy named Master Pinball? I'm not even that good at it!"
"I wish you'd thought of that before you killed me and usurped my place as Knight Champion of Railand."
"I wasn't thinking of anything. I was just defending myself. I didn't ask for your title, and I sure didn't ask for you to take up lodgings inside my soul."
"Fair enough. In lieu of rent, let me tell you about a pinball technique no one native to this world can perform."
The onlookers gasped and clung to one another for support when they saw it. The legendary forbidden skill: Tilt!
Finis

The Proper Length for a Novel

A novel ought to be large enough that when the pages are cut out, a gun can be hidden inside. It will look suspicious if I only have one of those. Please hurry, authors. My wealthy bachelor uncle is on the verge of writing me out of his will.

Dune Primer

Some people might be confused when going to see the new movie without having read the book, so here is important information everyone should know before watching it.

1. House Ordos is the strongest, but the factions don't differ all that much.
2. At the time the book was written, attracting the worm was generally believed to be undesirable.
3. "Atomics" is a family-friendly euphemism for "pornography."
4. Movie theaters do in fact still exist. I was shocked too.

Enjoy your movie!

Tales of Luminaria Went

Shame about those initial reviews, fellas, but look on the bright side. Maybe the fifteenth Tales mobile game will be a huge success.

Tales of Luminaria Is Coming

And for everyone's convenience, they split it into JP and Global servers so we know which one will get shut down first. What a swell publisher!

Breaking News

They're making a movie out of Hyperion? They'd better make a book out of it first.

Addendum

That sort of thing happened all the time in the 70s, but it's less common today.

The Knight of the Pedestal

Once, a poor knight, for not every knight was rich even in those days, was wandering the lands and doing what he could. A day came when he saw a bird fly overhead that he shot and made his dinner, which is a fuller dinner than he had eaten for many a week, but he had cause to regret it later.
For a knight appeared who was not poor at all. He had three horses of his own and two for each of his men, and as to those men, believe that there were more than a couple. He accosted the poor knight with these words. "Sir, you have done ill, and now you must pay the penalty. I give you three options, and be assured there is no fourth. First is that you must travel to the court of Queen Sophemie and explain in person why you killed her favorite bird, and accept what comes."
"That court is far indeed, far enough that mercy rarely visits, or so I have heard," the poor knight said.
"You have heard right. The second path for you is closer. You must wear this sack and enter that cage you see there, and inside you may ask those lions for clemency, for I assure you that they hold the queen's confidence as far as legal judgments."
"It is a splendid tongue that lions have, and I confess I have not learned it myself."
"Nor I, to my shame. The third option is that you must take that ax leaning against the pedestal made of marble a few yards away as you can see, and split the pedestal in two with a single swing that we may take away the pieces. For the queen wishes that it be removed nearly as ardently as she wished to hear her bird's singing later this evening."
"Suppose it takes me two or three swings, or as many axes or more, to split the pedestal? You understand that I wish to please the queen."
"That is easily seen, and my response is that we will salute your effort and split you in half using no more strokes than you employed."
The poor knight considered the three options offered, prayed, and picked up the ax. He swung a mighty swing, one suitable for a knight if a poor one, and buried the ax more than a few inches deep in the pedestal. The menacing knight had his hand on his sword when the pedestal shivered, cracked, and split into two, and of course a young man was inside who was naked and most powerfully muscled, not to mention as handsome as a newly built castle.
"You have done it after all, and I perceive that man will become the greatest knight that has ever been, so arm him yourself and train him to win as much honor as you lost on account of the bird." Saying that, the queen's knight saluted and left, and the poor knight did nothing else but what he advised.
Finis