Declaration of Science Fiction Principles

1. "Wormhole" is a terrible term.
2. Spaceships! Woohoo!

Addendum

And if they have a thousand distinct terms like terrestrial conveyances do, all the better. Quick, which one's a brougham? That's an easier one, as you can tell because I remembered the name.

This Is No Longer Acceptable

We've been putting up with it till now, but stop saying "bend the knee" outside of A Song of Ice and Fire. The word is "genuflect," or if that's too fancy for you, "kneel." While we're at it, "bannermen" is not a general term, "vassal" is, and variant spellings of "sir" aren't getting you anywhere. I'm speaking especially to video game translators.

The Curse of Traditional Knowledge

These days, if you ever say "larboard," people will presume you have a speech impediment. That can be handy sometimes, but be honest: You sometimes think those dullards need to be controlled by someone like you, don't you? Then, when you search for rebuttals, you realize there are none. Well, that's all true, but it's not as if you can do anything about it. Not till you level up a few times at least.

Addender

Gothic can just be kothic. We don't need to get complicated here.

Addendum

Wait, no, that's what you call quinine. How about the Ankwin style? That'll do it.

How to Discuss Architecture in Fantasy

Everybody only cares about Queen Anne, and if your setting has a Queen Anne, people probably built different stuff during her reign. What to do? Give it a fun fantasy label such as qui'nan. Blam!

Looming Phoneme Disaster

There you are, writing about the mysterious artificially created superstructure Ogg Vorbis your hero has just discovered in space, when you decide to check and find out something's already called it. I estimate we'll run out of things to call the stuff we make up somewhere around 2037. The only solution is a total language reboot.

Word Instinct

"Orison" looks to me like it should have some kind of engineering meaning. For instance, the counterweight and the sling together of a trebuchet or such should be the orison. And yet, it is not so.

Doubts Regarding Space Dragons

If we find space dragons, will scientists be reluctant to call them space dragons, or will they be all for it? Komodo dragons were a long time ago. Long enough to be retro. All right, I've decided, it's all space dragons from here on out. Though the "space" part might be a problem. Star dragons. Void dragons. Vacuum dragons. Stellar dragons.

A Seismic Conundrum

"Earthquake" already sounds like a fantasy term, so do fantasy authors have to come up with a new term for it? That's before getting into fanciful causes for them. Or is it? Perhaps an earthquake caused by a catfish should have a different name from one caused to two smiths competing to create the strongest suit of armor underground. The latter would I suppose be a hoploclasm, and as for the former, "thrashwhisker." Those are bad, and therefore they fit in with "earthquake."

Addendum

I realize nobody uses hep anymore, but by the time science fiction happens, it might be back.

Future Fields of Study

By the time your science fiction story happens, people probably will have gotten it together and realized we should talk about rock-science, star-science, and snake-science instead of those weirdo terms we use today. For one thing, those different endings are confusing. Who would know just from hearing it that astrology is the fake one? Furthermore, I don't think hepatologists are particularly hep, not to mention with it, though I could be mistaken.

Addendum

Unfortunately, we have to use ridiculous terms such as maroon and mauve to get across the distinction, but sometimes we have to work for our milliions.

The Quintessential Fantasy Reader Experience

Waking up in the middle of the night and thinking, "I don't really know what a madrigal is. I only kinda know." It doesn't have to be "madrigal," but it often is.

Addendum

"Golds," however, is self-explanatory.

A Frightening Friday Realization

Wait a minute. "Experience" doesn't start with an "X," so "XP" makes no sense at all! I haven't felt so hornswoggled since I found out about reading, writing, and arithmetic. About their spellings, I mean. I still don't get the subjects so good.

Addendum

There are two kinds of people in the world: Those who think "wizard" is a dumb word and those who haven't thought about it.

A Common Misapprehension

Many people think horse armor is properly called barding, but it's actually panzer equine. That is, if you want to make a rail shooter out of it, and if you don't, use something other than a horse.

Addendum

In science fiction, the cool kids are writing RGB values to indicate colors.