A Call to Innovative Action

We've all been sitting here confident we've been doing a good job, but I just found out a new Bleach mobile game is coming. No surer sign of total cultural stagnation could there be. We've gotta make some new stuff stat.

Joke Corner

Zero Company? More like zero sales! No, that's too obvious. More like bankrupt company! Well, it's better. This is all an exercise which in no way is intended to describe the actual success of the game, which we're sure will do fine.

Addendum

But there's still time for a hero shooter, right? Right?

Empty Bandwagons

It's probably too late to hope for success with a Vampire Survivors-type game, but not a single fantasy book property ended up being the setting for one so far as I know. What's everybody doing out there?

The Problem With Being Trapped in an Online Game

It was plausible you could survive in an MMORPG, but nowadays you'd be trapped in Fortnite or Marvel Rivals and be dead in seconds.

Thoughts on Age of Empires

You know, I'm starting to think there's a particular age of empires at all! It seems like we've had empires for a long time! Unless we are to reckon humanity's entire existence the age of empires. That's pretty deep.

More Like Final Fantasy Temporarily Crisis!

I know there's something better in there, but I haven't figured it out. Anyway, buck up, evercrisisters. We'll always have our memories.

Adaptation Station

I overheard your muttering. "I wonder what sort of video game Clark Ashton Smith's tales should be converted into." The answer is Diablo-clone. You're welcome.

Guild Wars 3

Guild Wars 3! And it's a prequel! That seems like a terrible idea! I'm not excited about it at all! Go play Guild Wars instead.

Addendum

Now in games it's different so long as you still get XP, which is why Dragon Quest XII can stride confidently.

Adaptation Corner

For an Ethshar video game, let's see, I think a Majesty-type game would work. Oh, you want it to be successful? Extraction shooter. What do you mean, you were serious about wanting it to be a successful new game? Nobody makes those nowadays. All right, fine, open-world game with Arkham Asylum combat it is.

Final Proof Regarding the Human Condition

It's often theorized that in the future humanity will abandon itself to virtual entertainment, shunning the real world. I'm looking at Steam charts and I don't think that idea reflects the truth of human inclinations. In particular, the games that keep high player counts often end up with mixed reviews while the best-received trail off. The fact that the real world kinda stinks will ensure people keep coming back to it.
"But what if developers, possibly AI ones, create an even more addictive flawed virtual experience?" That'll work for a time, but eventually they'll patch in some quality of life features that will ruin it. Then people will demand a classic version, and they'll get it, and they'll play it some but quit faster than they did originally, and so on till we're all back in the stadium complaining about the price of hot dogs.

Sly Insertion

How do we integrate optional bosses, something unquestionably popular in games, into fantasy and science fiction books? Invisible ink is the obvious answer, but impractical. Maybe a QR code. Do companies still try to get people to use those?

Addender

I was going to propose extractionlit, but, well, you know.

Addendum

They won't be noble at all, but let's throw our minor factions the bone of dignity, which costs nothing and can be chewed forever without being broken up.

The Next Subgenre

We've all been enjoying litRPG, but now it's time for sokolit. That's right, it's time to push blocks . . . in text! Different styles will emerge. Will pushing boxes be the inciting incident, a background feature, or will there be detailed descriptions of pushing techniques and thought processes? Purists, inevitably and sadly, can be nothing but a noble minority.

Mature Reflections

Much as the day must come when it must be asked, "Why Donkey Kong," another matter demands confrontation: Why Command & Conquer? There is a lot of commanding, granted. Almost an excess of commanding. Conquering, however, is absent on the GDI side, and as for Nod, only Kane gets do that, and even he doesn't seem to regard it as his primary goal, whatever that is. I played the last one and I still don't know. I suggest, in future remakes and remasters, changing the title to Command & Sandbag.

The Universe Offers Up the Unthinkable Without Cease

A new Brigandine? No, really, Brigandine? Brigandine.

Addendum

The kart racing gaming you immediately thought to include is better saved for a separate product sold at participating bookstores (free with purchases above a certain amount). Yes, it will have online multiplayer, and yes, it will be bad, but don't miss the battle mode!

Missing Opportunities

Another Nintendo Direct Third-Party Gamestravaganza has gone by, and still there's no collection of every fantasy and science fiction book published in the past year on a single cartridge. Maybe they're still figuring out what to do with the rest of the space, even though it's obvious: Coloring book.