Addendum

I'm not volunteering to murder anyone or to be murdered, but I will contribute by saying, "Gee, I hope they get the guy that did it" when I hear about it. I'll make sure to say "gee," which I generally do not.

Marchuary

We call it March because it's time to get going. To space. Let's build a space elevator. Come on. We can't have a murder on the space elevator until we have the space elevator.

Regarding the Latest Controversy

No, people made out of gold would not be useful only for melting down. They can stand outside the doors at galas as well. I was not calling for a profitable little murder at some undefined point in the future.

The Varieties of Maids

1. Clumsy
2. Hyper-competent
3. Gossipy
4. Found the body
5. Loyal
6. Saucy
7. Tyrannical
8. Naive
9. Not actually a maid
10. Flirty
11. Intelligent talking animal
12. Gambling tipster
13. Assassin
14. Unscrupulous
15. Wise in herbal remedies
16. Believes in ghosts
17. Mad scientist
18. Artificial
19. High-level
20. Engaged

Now get out your randomization method of choice. But wait! The discerning reader has already noticed most of these are mutually compatible, while the especially discerning knows all of them are, the first two most of all. Therefore randomize yourself how many traits to assign. I recommend no more than three, duplicates allowed.

Addendum

Another third are because of access roads, but this is true for California only when Perry Mason was practicing (before he became a judge or stepped down to practice again).

It's Almost Halloween

Did you remember to make out your wills? I advise against it. Do you know many people are murdered because they changed their wills so somebody kills them and destroys or hides the new will? About a third of all murder victims based on the literature.

Addender

A train between planets, like a space elevator, but slightly longer. What happens during the trip? A murder.

Addendum

More likely, the murderer planted the 3 to discredit the victim's ability to come up with good numerals.

The Problem with 2023

3 is the worst numeral. So unsightly. It's like the guy making it stopped halfway through. Maybe he was murdered. What a mystery!

Happy December

December facts:

1. This month is named after a dragon named Ecembe.
2. Snow.
3. Some think this is the tenth month of the year. They are correct.
4. The authorities use the lie of twelve months to create extra centuries of history filled with propaganda.
5. December is one of the best months for a murder mystery. June is good as well.
6. The weapon of December is the fusion beam.

What Life Is Worth

The man walked into the hall, uninvited, unforeseen, and unchallenged by the servants who fled his terrible look and angry blade. He walked toward Froeri son of Oesti and said this. "I am Naul son of Naud. I say that you killed that man my father. What do you say then?"
Froeri, when he spoke, was never judged poor at it. He spoke then in this way. "I admit that I did, that you are his son, and that I owe a price. Here is my offer." He emptied the cup before him, and a large cup it was. He reached behind his seat then into a chest and filled that cup up, three handfuls it took till gold spilled from it. "Well?"
Naul stepped forward to accept the weregild, but Froeri drew it back. "But wait." The master of the hall gestured, and the servants carried in a great board that when set on its side became a wall that had three closed doors in it, too small for men. Froeri grabbed two more cups and filled the both of them with what he took from a different chest, which was copper. He went behind the little wall with it between him and the man Naul. After some little time, he came out again.
"Whether I owe the bigger price or the smaller, we will decide this way. Do you pick which door to open, and that cup behind it is yours."
Naul thought on that and prayed to the gods that favored his family and the laws. "That," he said, and pointed to the middle door. A servant, one who had run and became after that eager to please his master, walked toward it, but stopped when Froeri held up his hand. "First, open that one." The servant did as he bade. The leftmost door had behind it a copper-bearing cup. "See that? Now I give you this choice. Either order the creature to open the middle door, or else change your mind and your luck by picking the right instead."
Again Naul prayed, that time to whatever gods of wisdom and cunning he knew, and this was his answer. "Why not kill you and take all three?"
"The rightmost one."
Naul nodded and took the greater price alone.
"None of these men like sport and wit," Froeri complained.
"You did kill all their fathers."
"Who spoke just now? Where is the villain?" That, he never learned.
Finis

Our Lawyers Suggested We Add This

It is not the position of this blog or its writers that anyone ought to invent a time machine and use it to commit crimes. Thank you for your understanding.

How To Establish an Unsympathetic Character

Have him get murdered early on. The readers will figure he deserved it. That way there can be plenty of suspects.

The Proper Length for a Novel

A novel ought to be large enough that when the pages are cut out, a gun can be hidden inside. It will look suspicious if I only have one of those. Please hurry, authors. My wealthy bachelor uncle is on the verge of writing me out of his will.