Ergonomic Codex Design

Here we are in the year of our Lord 3824 (I didn't check) and we're still using rectangular books. Shouldn't they at least have a handle even if we won't go so far as to have a curved design so that there's room at the upper left to be grabbed while there's space where your heel will be? Also, is there another term for the part of your hand continuing from your thumb that makes a valley of your palm? I looked around a little bit but didn't find one.

Upcoming Job Opportunities

Soon we'll all have productive work throwing pails of water on people to simulate rain in ships and colonies so that we don't succumb to space madness. Innovators will get ahead by finding ways to get people to sneeze during terrestrial allergy season and rig sirens to play during simulated night.

Addendum

Harnessing war-cheetahs to your chariot is advisable only if flight is anticipated, and people will judge your bravery accordingly.

Military Innovation

If you had a chariot pulled by crabs, you could strafe. There's probably a planet out there which has crabs big enough that hasn't figured this out yet, but soon a great empire will arise.

Total Stagnation

How long have we been on fantasy? When will we move on to fantadee? I project it will require that we transcend this thing called "pages."

The Most Startling New Fantasy Monster

Half-centaur.

Turkey Fantasy

Is a dead end. What bold visionary will prove me wrong?

Addendum

I want to be totally honest and say I'm feeling pretty good about "mudstation." That one might actually be usable.

I'm Tired of Existing Vocabulary

From now on:

arsenal -> weaponarium
spaceship -> spaticlass
spice -> foodup
quondam -> just get rid of this one
planet -> mudstation
torrent -> runneroo
fury -> furiotas

New Protagonist Idea

What about a guy who's up on his luck? This will revolutionize literature!

Spicing It Up

To change things up in your fantasy story, go through and change "wielded" to "manipulated." Then change them all back before anyone finds out what you did.

The Cost of Innovation

The problem with stagnationcore is that embracing it violates the very principles of stagnation that undergird it. By problem, of course, I mean "artistic frisson."

Innovation Station

Number your chapters backwards so the story counts down to the conclusion. This might not work very well if the last chapter is a summing up, what happened after kind of thing, though there's always Chapter 0 for those instances.

2023's Biggest Subgenres

Soporific Fantasy and Soporific Science Fiction. People already use audiobooks and tedious regular books to fall asleep, so let's optimize the process. It isn't as easy as it seems. If your book is too consciously boring, that in itself becomes interesting. Plus, people will put it down instead of struggling to read it, their eyelids closing involuntarily, the same sentence read five times in a row.

The Problem with Literature As It Stands

It's really hard to sell DLC for it. There are atlases and occasionally revised editions, but that doesn't get the job done. How can we fix this? Pay $4.99 to add your favorite Love Lives to a book?

"The townsfolk gave Garid directions" becomes "Nico Yazawa gave Garid directions." What would you pay for that?

Addendum

"It was only a dream," the book begins. Would you read a book like that? Me neither, but it might just be crazy enough to work.

The Logical Implication

Put the ending at the front of the book, then write, "But how did this happen? Read on to find out!" The only problem is that then you actually have to write a good ending. Might be a little tough.

The New Alignment System

Cat - Neutral - Dog
Plane - Neutral - Tank

Failed Plan

Option 3 was going to be King Arthur except it's a football player sent back in time, but extensive research has proved all the good ideas have already been done. There is nothing left but decay.

Follow a New Path

The next time you write "alchemy," cross it out and write in "palchemy." Isn't that more pleasant for all of us? Erase the first three letters of "necromancy" also. Stop doing the same old thing, and do a slightly different old thing instead.