Future Mindset

The people of the future will be unable to understand a world in which we didn't give every computer a little hat and a scarf with your favorite bookmarks printed on it. Come to think of it, I don't understand it myself.

Ancient Mindset

The biggest impediement to understanding ancient peoples is that to the modern eye, somebody riding a chariot looks like a dweeb. When Zeus punished a guy in a chariot, it wasn't for presumption in claiming divinity, but to improve mortal fashion standards.

Fashion Acknowledgment

It would have been far trendier to give a certain champion enchanted greaves instead of boots, but did he strike you as a trendy person? That's something writers call "characterization."

Dragon Fashion

More dragons should dress up all fancy. I'm sure some do, in some books, but it should be widespread. Entire countries should be compelled to knit nice dragon hats.

Addendum

Just because something doesn't get much current discussion doesn't mean it can't curse you. This is general life advice.

Ancient Fashion

People used to talk about pyramids all the time. They wouldn't shut up. Then they stopped, but then they started again, but now nobody talks about pyramids. Don't be fooled, though. They still visit the silly things. From this I conclude the popularity of pyramids is perennial. The lesson here is that fashion applies to fashion itself; pyramids are fashionable, but talking about how fashionable they are is not. Sometimes Stonehenge is on top, sometimes this, sometimes that. As for the significance, I dunno. Keep it in mind. Someday the rewards could be staggering.

What Fantasy and Science Fiction Authors Have Forgotten

Bow ties. When was the last time you read someone described as wearing a bow tie? How about the first time? As if a dragon wouldn't put on a bow tie.

Restraint Is Overrated

Right now you're probably thinking, "I can't call something in my story a dragodrake. That's just silly." In two years, somebody's going to do just that and sell six million copies. Restraint is cowardice dressed up real nice.

Holiday Implications

In the future, when we colonize far-flung planets, which we will and I don't want to hear any naysaying, people are going to argue about when holidays should be held. You thought this Easter kerfuffle was all settled, but get ready for Space Easter.

Skeleton Morality

Once upon a time, skeletons looked at the birds, the saber-toothed tigers, the dinosaurs, and by that they realized they were naked.
"We must cover ourselves," half the skeletons said.
"We were created perfect and will only lose by it, like a covered statue," half argued.
They didn't agree. The half that wanted clothes hunted animals and wore them, and so became humans. Those that refused froze and shattered when the glaciers came, but afterward humans became rulers of the planet because of their shame. So must you cultivate virtue as well, for without it you are brittle.
Finis

Prerequisite for Dinosaur Fantasy

If the dinosaurs aren't going to have feathers because the paleontologists won't come clean, we have to give them sick armor and maces shaped like stegosaurus heads.

Addendum

It's important to wear a comically tall hat when you're riding a horse, because if it falls off, you can ride by and pick it up without dismounting.

History Corner

The Scythians were known to wear tall hats, but little is said as to why they didn't catch on. Geographic influences, probably.

On Space Elevators

Before we build one, we'd better decide what sort of uniform the elevator operators will have. I suggest purposefully fraying the elbows to give passengers something to think about during the trip.

Zero-Gravity Fashion

Your otherwise-transparent hamster ball, painted and decorated! Hats on your elbows and knees! Extravagant hooks used to clip yourself to the inner hull! Zero-gravity fashion! They're shaped like dolphins. Nothing's classier than dolphins. Does your space helmet have a space between two transparent plates that you can put water and fish in? It had better. Zero-gravity fashion!

Style Note

Anyone interested in fantasy will be reminded of the existence of beards merely by looking at an author. That's all well and good, but don't forget that mustaches used to be popular, too.

Addendum

A few people, however, should insist that other city stinks and that home city is much better.

Scene Dressing

The easiest way to make your world feel real is for everyone to think some other city is way cooler. We will call this the Paris Method.

What Is This Exciting New Genre Known As "Sophistifantasy?"

The orc is wearing a nice jacket.

Addendum

Less sassy than their owners that is, not than the town guard or the stuffy noble who's about to get the starch taken out of those ruffles. Shouldn't be starching his ruffles anyway. What's this clown think he's doing?