Showing posts with label baron. Show all posts
Showing posts with label baron. Show all posts

Monday, June 16, 2025

The Full History of the Goblin Kingdom

The goblin warriors took up arms when the invader came to their lair with the readiness of creatures who have no other occupation.
The trespasser, mighty in his arms but alone, bellowed, "I will slay the goblin king!"
The goblins, in their strange language, bellowed back, "We don't have one!"
"Don't know what it is!"
"Oh? Then I will teach you," the man said, and he was as good as his word. Delighted by his explanation, the goblins chose one to rule whom the warrior promptly slew before retiring during the royal funeral he had also explained.
The next day brought another assault, and despite their previous gratitude for his instruction, the goblins did not recognize the man who called out, "Today I will slay the goblin queen!"
"We don't have one!"
"Don't know what it is!"
Similar events followed, and when on the next day the warrior returned for the head of the goblin cardinal, the sole difference was the complexity of the explanation. After that came the chamberlain, then the marshal, then the head gardener, and so on. Each new position intrigued the goblins.
Months later, against expectations, a single man claimed the bounty for the eradication of the goblin tribe. Even less to be foreseen, his claim proved upon investigation to be true. In addition to the bounty, the lord made the man a baron under him, so impressed was he, and the new baron named his manor the House of Patterns Unrecognized in commemoration of his exploits.
Finis

Monday, April 28, 2025

Furor and Nobility

The page sent to investigate the dismal clouds hanging over the route returned with his report too late to save his master the trouble of mounting but comfortably in time to avert disaster. "Your Lordship, please stop! The rain is a very flood, and the storm barons smite the wetted earth with their terrible bolts!"
"What of it, if barons have their trifling sport? We who have higher duties are not dissuaded from touring our lands by that." Saying that, Count Fandeghen rode forward. He dismissed his retinue, but no other concession did he make.
The tempest did not prove the page a liar, nor did it dissuade the count. The missiles of the storm barons struck the ground closer and closer, and never did he honor them with his attention till his steed forced the issue, for it shied when a bolt came too close for its animal courage to bear. The rider wrested his horse back to placidity, but he himself was wroth. He dismounted and declared this.
"The fright you caused my beast will have its consequence, vassal!" He stretched his great bow and loosed a shaft upward to the bolt's originating point. The roar which followed was not thunder. Soon the wounded storm baron appeared and gave notice of challenge by raising his furious mace.
The battle ended this way, that Count Fandeghen was too much for any baron of whatever realm. He pinned his foe to the ground and made of him a prisoner. The ransom the count gained was seven talents of silver, for that baron's bolt forked seven times, and a fulgent lance difficult to withstand on the battlefield. If you go to the current count and ask to see it you will be refused, for the grandson of the man who won it gave it as a gift to a knight who did him great service, and that was well done.
Finis

Friday, April 18, 2025

Dune's Biggest Flaw

Baron isn't even a high rank. The Harkonnens must be small-time. I can't take them seriously as antagonists.