The New Year Always Rings Twice

I won my way into the room with two honest items, my face and my money. Private security would have been less interested in demonstrations of virtue than the building staff, but Viranz's men were spread all over the city, looking innocent, or at least guilty in an orthodox way. The seventh-story room had a peerless view of the arena. I'd known that before I came in. It also had oddities on every flat surface, just what the public would expect from the eccentric collector Viranz presented himself as being. I had girded myself with detailed descriptions of certain items, and I found one: Tarmenbi's Wonderfully Efficacious Queasiness Caster.
"Do you think it will work?"
I spun around. There was Viranz, grinning, and one of his boys, grinning even wider. He had a big face. It went with his big fists.
"I don't see why it wouldn't," I conceded. "Which is why you won't use it. There's no point in rigging the annual fight between Old Year and New Year."
"There's a point to winning bets with outrageous odds, isn't there?"
"But you won't see another year to spend it in."
"I suppose I'll have to get used to living as a rich man in this one."
A discourse on temporal philosophy didn't have much promise in it, and I wanted to catch the match (after getting Viranz turned in of course). Aside from a description, I'd gotten instructions too. I used the Queasiness Caster on the heavy and waited for it to be wonderfully efficacious, which it wasn't, and for Viranz to surrender himself, which he didn't. Those preventive measures I hadn't bothered to listen about were making themselves known.
I was in a tight spot. Whether I got out of it or not, well, wait and see if there's another year.
Finis

The Great Auction

The kingdom's financial difficulties forced it to auction off the right to name the next year, but good came out of it. There was much entertainment had by the people as the wealthy put forth publicly the names they intended to give it, whether reminders of their glorious ancestors or sentimental tributes to their present-day families. Brotherhoods scraped together all the promises they could from multiple members in the hope of attaching some reference only members of a particular occupation understood. The king tried not to discourage anyone by giving his opinion, but court-watchers reported his every expression when he heard of the latest proposed name.
The day of the auction came too soon for the public's liking but just in time for the treasury. As the event began in the grand hall, the king himself watching though not presiding, the great door burst open and there stood a man. It was Aldis, the great hero who had saved the kingdom countless times, outfitted in his magical armor of blue and armed with his adamant-cleaving sword. No one expected him, for he had left the kingdom to seek more adventure and beside that was no rich man, having the custom of giving away wealth as soon as he took it as he did.
"I have slain the wicked dragon Tyvithoda!" he declared to the wondering gasps of all there. "And plundered all that vast hoard. None, I think, will outbid me now."
The people begged to hear what he had chosen as the name, but to judge by the king's grimace, he knew already. Neither was Aldis mistaken about his superiority in wealth, and accordingly was the year entered into the annals as the Year of the King Still Wets His Bed.
Happy New Year!
Finis

The End Approaches

It's your last chance to make something of the year. Too late, you say? That's where you're wrong. You can still beat a child at Trivial Pursuit. The satisfaction . . . the sense of superiority . . . it's what modern society is keeping from us. Take back your birthright.

2023 Is Still Here

I've been catching a lot of heat from the year after those things I said, so let's all say what we like about 2023. 0 is pretty classy, I think. There's mystery and intrigue in it, but also the chance for a new start. No wonder all those villains keep trying to return the world to it.

Goodbye to 2023

Now that the year's almost over, I can finally say something important. I think 2,023 is an ugly number. That 3 at the end is just no good. There's nothing on the front to balance it. 2,022 and 3,023 are both much better numbers, and 2,024 will be as well. 2,025 isn't great, but it's a small improvement.