Against the Four Gates

King Ploutimos gathered up riches from his various conquests and stored them in his citadel at Hosses. He made no secret about it but rather boasted.
"And he who can win entrance can have the whole of it, but it will be too hard for any of you. For the wall has four gates through it. The northern is of iron and is guarded by Kyromedes whose helmet blunts every weapon. At the southern which is of bronze I have set Proimenos whose boots impart such deftness of movement that the ignorant swear he can fly. The west, which is silver, has at it the wielder of the dagger which when sheathed becomes coated in a poison that afflicts every man and monster equally, who is Phaimander. The golden gate to the east is defended by Archeuros, and to speak of him and his spear is useless, because none will challenge him."
The bold and the desperate made attempts on this gate or that, and many were the deaths and shameful retreats that resulted till Telephas son of Diophas came and laid Kyromedes low. He did not enter the citadel then but instead took the helmet and wore it against Phaimander, whose dagger then slew Archeuros, whose spear soon impaled Proimenos.
Even then Telephas did not enter but rather left Hosses entirely, saying he had no means to transport wealth where he had need to go, and that others might enjoy it as they wished.
Finis

Ranking of Weapons Appropriate for Your Fantasy Main Character

1. Sword
2. Bow
3. Comically Large Hammer
4. Dagger
5. Polearm
6. Ax
7. Razor-Sharp Hoop
8. Normally Sized Hammer
9. Whip
10. Spear

Secret twist ending: Now roll for which one your character gets.

A Moonlit Visit

Even under the moonlight the palace halls permitted traffic as the night shift dusted and polished and saw to the needs of late sleepers, whether guests or staff or functionaries. Even then noise was permitted, for the enormous sums Martial Companion Urfen had spent on magical technicians to soundproof every room were not paid so that his servants had to tiptoe around and get barely any work done. Even then the palace was alive.
So it was every night, every night except one cold night when snow and moonlight covered the palace and no servant walked the halls. No servant of the palace, that is. A single figure strode through the halls without trepidation, and why not? Everyone who belonged in the palace was asleep as the figure had arranged and would remain so exactly as long as the figure desired. Some uncertainty, some risk would have attended the matter if the palace's denizens had been drugged, but clients did not employ the Society of Moonlight Visitors for uncertainty and risk. Soundproofing adjusted to interfere with consciousness as well as sound waves was the sort of sure technique that justified the Society's extravagant fees.
That night when the palace died, the figure made straight for the master's chamber with no attempt at stealth and opened the doors as if expected. The Martial Companion failed to greet his guest, shameful behavior in a host, but the Visitor expressed no displeasure. Instead the figure reached inside its warm coat and drew out a dagger . . .

The sunlight cleared away the snow bit by bit and the palace's dwellers awoke the same way. The still form of the palace's master remained undisturbed until a servant entered with a tray and shrieked in surprise.
"Lord Urfen! There's something on the table!"
The master stirred then and groaned, then sat up. "Best night I've had in weeks. What's this? Ah! The ornamental dagger I so admired when Sacred Master Ezdo showed me it! He's sent it as a gift, that sly old bligblagger!"

Merry Christmas everybody!