Genuine Contributions of Ancient Astronauts

Everybody's always going on about pyramids and such, but what are the chances those helpful old aliens imported chickens, horses, wheat, and good stuff of that sort? And durian as a prank. I think parsley is probably native though. It's nice to have, but who would think to move it around?

The Size of Apples

How far had the colonists of the hundreds of settled planets diverged? Discussion of that started before the first ship landed. Public intellectuals and college freshmen debated the issue in terms of genetics, language, culture, and politics at every hour of every day somewhere within humanity's habitational sphere. Out of those, only genetics was susceptible to evidence. When the science reporter had space to fill, nothing was more usual than to grab the latest statement about haplogroup concentrations.
Little by little, a less vital but absolutely crucial concern arose about something not so profound, but ineffably deep. Food. Did a tomato grown on Earth taste the same as one from the engineered soil of Saint Georges? Was cheddar cultivated on Montjoie even cheddar? An article here and there prompted idle speculation everywhere.
Sharmazem Zujenne loathed the idle. He applied his considerable resources to gather samples and invite guests known for their discerning palates to the banquet to end all controversies, the Interstellar Judgment. At last, experts would determine whether potatoes from settled planets ought to be given a different name, and whether the outrageous size of that famous watermelon was a trick of photography.
An occasion of that sort inevitably became the occasion. The wealthy and people who liked to be near the wealthy requested, demanded, begged for, or wangled invitations. Entire industries sprung up to supply their excessive wants. The tasting of tastings became the party of parties. For all that, Zujenne maintained strict security to ensure the samples from various worlds remained separated. On the first official day of the event, though celebrations had gone on for three, he ordered the vault opened, only to discover . . . nothing. Nothing but a note from Phantom Thief Sirius thanking him for all the produce.
"I don't know much about food, but I'm sure about one thing. Crime is the same everywhere." The detective-inspector got on the case.
Finis

Passing Through Alwaystree

Food stalls are your salvation when you're in Alwaystree. Yes, that's the town's name. Now you can say the trees don't make more of an impression here than anyone else, but you haven't seen old man Leuth's award-winning pecan trees yet.
No, of course it isn't named after those. There used to be a tree here, or rather, they called it a tree because they didn't know what else to call it. It was tall and dark brown and had branches, but that was it. The trunk was straight, not gnarled, no knots. Nobody could chop it down either, and they sure tried.
They had to build around it in the end. That's a lesson for you, right? Keep being stubborn and they'll adjust. Anyway, it stood for centuries I hear.
Then one day, a man walked into town, right up to the tree. He drew a sword, and that sword looked strange too they said, but nobody there gave much detail. Not a lot of swordsmen around, you could say. He took out that sword and swung it, then the tree fell over. Yes, he cut right through.
Then he leaned over and took something out of the trunk, and some said he put it in the sword's hilt, but I don't know what I think about that. The whole tree disappeared right away. Nothing left.
A little while later word got around about how some hero finally killed Dulonax. Everyone here knew who did it. They didn't have any proof of course, but they knew. They put fruit in these rolls, you know.
Finis