Words That Are No Good

Contumely and contumacious. Who can remember which is which? Brainiac? Encyclopedia Brown? Not a normal Joe al'Shmoe, that's for sure.

Megacorporations Are Much Dumber Than Regular Corporations

"You don't mean . . ."
"That's right, Mr. Klarwood. You, too, are a fauxloid."
"That can't be true!" Klarwood shook his head in disbelief. "No, really. That doesn't make any sense. What's the point of making a custom fauxloid, which I have to think is pretty expensive . . ." The man nodded. "An expensive fauxloid and programming it to hunt other fauxloids, but also programming it to think it's a human so it won't even know to use its superior physical fauxloid capabilities? I had to take five days off last month because I had the flu. You implanted false memories of getting sick once in a state-of-the-art fauxloid? Why? To be a twist?"
"To be a twist, Mr. Klarwood."
"I hope your shareholders have the same love of the dramatic as you. You've got a fiduciary responsibility, right? Speaking of finance and production, last I heard, fauxloaids were back-ordered for seven months. Who bought me, anyway? Did he pay extra? Jump the queue? By the way, it's illegal to let fauxloids set foot on Earth. I don't remember seeing anything in the law code about 'unless it spurs people to make video essays about who is and isn't a fauxloid,' but I admit my memory isn't that great. Fauxloids have photographic memories, of course."
"Of course. Or rather, they think they do."
"Right, right, they were given false memories of having good memories. For some reason. You wouldn't want them to think they're inferior to humans in any way. They might give up on their nonstop rebellions. What good are fauxloids? I've never rebelled, by the way. They cost more than my salary, they shut down just as they start getting good at their jobs, they're mad all the time . . . Pretty useless, really."
"Thoroughly useless, Mr. Klarwood. It is unfortunate that you discovered it."
"Well, it is my job to discover things. And I'm good at it too, unlike fauxloids, even though I am one, which you still haven't explained."
"I never will, Mr. Klarwood. Or rather, I cannot."
Finis

Setting Hard Limits on Power

Q. Does sand magic work on dust or pebbles?
A. For legal reasons, no.

The New Star Wars Series

It's about an Imperial admiral who analyzes the strategic approaches of his enemies by listening to them type. How does he get typing samples? A thrilling espionage story begins!

The Power of Perspective

When other people type, it sounds as if they're faking it. When I type, I don't even know what it sounds like.

Addendum

A few people, however, should insist that other city stinks and that home city is much better.

Scene Dressing

The easiest way to make your world feel real is for everyone to think some other city is way cooler. We will call this the Paris Method.

Breaking News

They just kicked Mercedes Lackey out of the country. And that was before they read her books!

The Most Stinging Loss

While the adults talked of adult things, the children met up with their cast-off flutes and their patched drums. They played songs together, or that was how they thought of it, and those unskilled sounds brought a man who heard them to reminisce.
"Long ago, in Palthea, they banned music and dancing. Did you ever hear about that?"
The other adults admitted they had never known that about Palthea, and therefore he elaborated for them. "They banned it back when, oh, must have been when Turer IV was alive. He succeeded his uncle who was known as a bit of a, well, there was a public appetite for finer morals after that. There was a whole downpour of new restrictions and such. Anything sounded good to people as long as it sounded likely to make someone less happy.
"Most of them were pulled back in the years and decades following, when people got to thinking they had overdone it, but the prohibitions on music and dance stayed. You'd never have recognized it as a human country if you'd seen it. Not a single instrument, not a voice raised a pure expression of joy.
"Well, the consequences couldn't be avoided for long. Palthea became the best governed country there was. It surged ahead in philosophy, in science, in history, and economics. They had long conversations and spoke in paragraphs with subordinate clauses. They didn't try to speak in lyrics, like they hoped to write the next big hit. Didn't have much time for putting things all emotional, either. Just communication and reason. Pretty soon, Palthea was the greatest country in the world. If you ever wondered why we're nothing but a dependent on Palthea's good will, well, you can stop wondering about it now."
"Maybe we should ban music too."
"Maybe we should. Maybe we should have done that a long time ago." The adults looked at the children, who were just getting into an argument about what song they should mangle, and they thought a lot of new things.
Finis

What Makes a Strong Character

At least 16 at character creation, though 18/51+ is preferred.

Addendum

Some might prefer a Romance of the Three Kingdoms match three game, but I fear that would undermine the theme.

Game Adaptation Corner

Q. What sort of game should A Song of Ice and Fire be?
A. Dynasty Warriors.
Q. How about Magician?
A. Dynasty Warriors.
Q. Romance of the Three Kingdoms?
A. 3D puzzle game. And Dynasty Warriors.

Addendum

You've got your working class sand mages who make glass all day, corporate sand mages who develop new glass-making techniques and run off with their secretaries, and starving sand mages who are confident their lack of productivity is truer to the spirit of sand.

Unusual Uses for Sand Magic

Making glass. Wait, no. That's probably the most common use for it.

Q&A Corner

Q. Why is the content on this blog so bad?
A. Covid.
Q. Fine, but what about before that?
A. Pre-Covid.

On the Replacement of Mythical Figures

"Gee, Jenny, I just got these two tickets to the next Real Time Dracula show. Would you, um, maybe, would you, well, I was thinking we could go together . . ."
"With you? Not a chance. Wait. Did you say Real Time Dracula? I'd love to go!"
Scenes similar to that were incited across the country and southern Canada when the Real Time Dracula bus rode the highways from venue to venue. Nothing could stop those musical masters from rocking every city on their route.
Except a portal through space and time! "Whoaaaaaa," the band members said, as well they might. They understood nothing they saw when they looked out the windows. How could they? Even science has nothing to say about it.
At last the bus settled. The windows showed nothing but fog outside, but at least the band members and roadies knew what that was from Chicago shows.
The door at the front opened and a man stepped inside, bearded, pointy of hat and long of staff. "I am Merlin, the sorcerer. Real Time Dracula! The world needs your help! Dracula has been kidnapped! You must take his place, find him, and free him!"
"Why?"
"Pardon?"
"Why would it help anyone for us to do that?" the bassist asked.
"Hm. Good point. I suppose it wouldn't. Never mind. Sorry for the trouble." Merlin raised his gnarled staff. The bus fell through another portal and landed in Phoenix just in time for the concert. Rock and roll!
Finis

The Problem with Non-Apocalyptic Settings

We know there's going to be an apocalypse sooner or later. You might as well put one in yourself. Those bunkers under Denver International Airport weren't built for fun.

The Problem with Post-Apocalyptic Settings

They skip all the fun parts.

The New Word to Use

Be sure to include the word "irksome" so that we know you're one of us. You wouldn't want to be on the wrong side.

Lessons to Learn from Tales of Luminaria

I don't know. I can't figure out why they made it in the first place. They already had Rays going as a mobile game with typical Talesy combat. Make a tower defense game or something. Tales music game. Come on.

Tales of Luminaria

If only Cassandra had predicted Tales of Luminaria would shut down, everybody would have believed her and we could have avoided all this.

Addendum

Don't you dare talk to me about plumbatae. Not if you value your smile and hope.

The Legacy of the Sword

"No army in the world ever relied on the sword," Roger said. He meant it, too.
Every single person Alex consulted said the same. He came to doubt. Was he wrong? Tromping along cold streets in the lonely night, he wondered. Had he sold his sanity to buy pleasantly superior thoughts of a history only he could know?
"Can't be," he thought. Then he said it. "It can't be. The Romans were real. Everyone knows that. What's going on?" His voice rose. "Rome was real!"
"Not for long." The fog swirled, blown about by an unseen power, but then one seen. A figure stepped forth and confronted Alex. "That dead people exists only in memory. Memories I have erased. Yours are the last, and I do not think you will keep them long. Hmph." The ghost of Hannibal raised his spectral sword, a cleaver of thoughts, a destroyer of minds.
Alex reached into his pocket and spoke the words.
Finis

Addendum

"Hm, the next generation of devices is out. Time to go through surgery to upgrade!" - A crazy person.

Something Less Cool in Science Fiction

Implants. Some stories figure everyone will want all their technology in implant form, but instead we invented smartphones and tablets to get watches even farther away from our skin.

Addendum

"This combat data is over 1,000 megabytes! No computer in the Terrestrial Alliance can process it!"

The Coolest Thing in Science Fiction

Computers that aren't nearly as good as the one used to write this post.

The Rules of Science Fiction

1. Spaceships are awesome
2. Guns are lame, but future guns are sick
3. Psychic powers rule
4. Aliens are endlessly compelling
5. Suns are the most beautiful right before they destroy the planets orbiting them

Q&A Corner

Q. How much time do you spend to craft pleasing and meaningful fantasy names?
A. None whatsoever.

The Varied Effect of Magic Items

Tension stuffed the court and made it hard to breath, it seemed to the officials there in the western capital. Prince Sutas Fren-Gwimmere Suteras Pnesyufyar was soon to arrive, and someone would take action, if not that time, then the next.
The trumpeter, and the herald to announce him, and then the man himself. Prince Sutas entered, and as always he bore a few of the remarkable artifacts the royal family rarely let leave the southern capital. The Ribbon That Ties, the All-Warding Buckle, and, worst of all, the Unbearable Coat. The captains and courtiers all twitched when they saw it at the periphery of their vision and looked away, or tried to look away.
"Good day, gentleman. We have a great deal yet to do in planning our response to this unfortunate rebellion. I suggest we not stand on ceremony. Though I am a prince, you must all come closer and speak to me directly. Look at me, too. Directly at me." The wide smile he had went unnoticed. The men there saw nothing but the Coat.
"I can't take it! Not another hour!" Colonel Pfalchyre leapt at the prince, hands clawed, and grabbed at the buttons on the Unbearable Coat as the others did all they could to restrain him except the prince himself, who laughed. Yes, he laughed, and if he had been a person of lower rank, he would have been said to guffaw.
"Let me go! I've had enough!"
"Phwa ha ha ha ha! Ha HA ha ha!"
A terrible scene. At the end of it, Pfalchyre stood with the Coat held in his shaking hands, his eyes wide and staring at the future he finally saw for himself. Exile? Execution? Seizure of his estate? How would his children live on, their father disgraced?
"It's decided," Prince Sutas said. "We needed something to draw the rebels out, and you're the man for it, Colonel Pfalchyre. General Pfalchyre, if you survive wearing the Unbearable Coat with a hostile army around. No, no. Even if you don't survive. You're a man who deserves our respect, after all. Aha ha ha ha ha!"
Finis

Ultimate Bond Pitch

To meet the latest threat, James Bond, the world's greatest superagent, must team up with . . . himself? This fall, prepare, for action, suspense, and thrills like you've never seen them before. James Bond. Jimmy Bond. Together for the first time. In The Valiant Die Once.