Close and Constant Supervision's Cold and Cruel Impositions

The man lifted the vial as if to let the light expose concentrated specks of its lethality. "Finally I have required the perfect poison to do away with him. Swift, sure, and, because of my circumspection in acquiring it, incapable of giving me away. I would have preferred to have effected a false reconciliation in order to prevent suspicion at all, but were he at all capable of compromise, I wouldn't need to remove him in the first place."
The man was still admiring the devilish mixture when his butler eased open the study door and presented a salver on which rested a few sheets of paper. "The latest divine proclamations, sir."
"Hmph. I suppose one ought to keep abreast of such things. Let's see. 'In view of the recent battle at Iestol Fields . . . charge bonus reduced by 3 . . . axe wounds have increased chance of infection . . . crafting skills . . . recipes moved from haberdashery list to milliner list . . .' What! 'Poisons in their current state have limited counterplay?!' That's why I wanted to use it! 'The chance of death on the first application has been lowered across the board . . .' My efforts and expense have come to nothing!"
"Very good, sir. Shall I engage an ax instructor?"
"Yes. He can start by demonstrating on me. If I survive, find me priests willing to beg the gods not to update quite so often. How can we make plans as things stand?"
"Most inconvenient, sir."
Finis

The Meed of Use

When men were chosen as judges in the contest, their role being to decide who deserved the laurels of the most useful, the nominated animals did not so much resort to bribery as leap to it. The cows called on their crow friends to find baubles, the chickens arranged with lizards for the secrets of the earth to be brought forth, and as for the pigs, they tricked the others out of many of their offerings by their wiles.
The cicadas, those gossipers, went to the gods to tell them of the shameless cheating, but the gods laughed at it. "Would they be as energetic as they are if they knew! There is no risk of favoritism from judges who will soon eat and skin them all equally, third place to first!"
Horrified, the cicadas tried to warn the world that the projects of the gods are ghoulish amusements not meant for our good. They still do. But none heed them for the annoyance.
Finis

Addendum

If they even put themselves out that much instead of calling him "Big Lord" or some such. You might not even know they're talking about a god if they start up a conversation about it. Ridiculous.

Pantheonizing

Here we are, always trying to come up with a hot new name for the god of fire, and meanwhile real cultures would squirt out "Blazing Fire God" and go on with their day, except in a different language so it sounds all exotic. Yeesh.

Social Events?

I've never attended one myself, but sometimes your characters might have to. Should such a dreadful eventuality arise, please consult the following table, your favorite chance-reflection implement at hand.

1. Wedding
2. Funeral
3. Baptism (local equivalent thereof)
4. Knighting
5. Measured observance of the outcome of a recent sporting event
6. Mass clemency offer on the ascension of a new ruler
7. THE GATHERING
8. Birth
9. A priest is gonna resurrect somebody? Don't see that every day!
10. Ritual bathing in the pool of the slain god to absorb powers (very likely the main character won't get any but then later it turns out he has the best one or can steal others or excels with wits or hard work, which is to say everyone else is incapable of figuring out how to open a door)
11. Important businessman's retirement
12. The sword dance (few survive the sword dance)

To determine who else will be attending the event, how about you come up with something on your own for a change? Sheesh.

Cryogenics Shmryogenics

People used to put their colonists to sleep for interstellar voyages, but we all agree these days we're going to send out a cloning station with engines attached and clone volunteers when it reaches the destination, right? There's the danger that the clones will worship the cloning facility as a god, but it probably isn't a big deal if they do. In addition, there can be a complex designed to effect terraforming. If there is, the cloned colonists (clonolists for short) will almost certainly create a Manichean sort of religion around those two facilities, but that's still fine.

Undersea Kingdom Categorization.

1. Formerly a land kingdom but just look what happened.
2. Currently operates like land because of magic, divine providence, supertechnology, etc.
3. Sea creatures.

Those are the categories I can think of. Do they cover everything? Watery aliens are three, ghosts and undead are one, the future is two. Atlantis one, Jabberjaw two, Snorks three. Yeah, I think that just about does it, but I'm open to correction.

Ancient Mindset

The biggest impediement to understanding ancient peoples is that to the modern eye, somebody riding a chariot looks like a dweeb. When Zeus punished a guy in a chariot, it wasn't for presumption in claiming divinity, but to improve mortal fashion standards.

Apotheosis Dawn

For assorted reasons, some of them exciting in their own right, a traveler wandered untracked lands, lonely and anxious about his prospects. When he came across a stone building that resembled him in its solitude, a suspicious sight, he reckoned the risk of disaster better than the certainty. There he found succor.
"Welcome, traveler, to Yulril Abbey. You may stay here one day and night and then go away provisioned."
"Thank you. To what god is this abbey dedicated, that I might thank him?"
"We're waiting to find that out ourselves. Perhaps we erred in our order, but we trust one will come to us. Hm. You are the first layman to visit; are you perhaps the very god?"
"How could I be confused for a god?"
"No, of course that's impossible. Please come this way."
At the time the traveler thought nothing of having someone agree with him, but after he recovered his place in society, the abbot's tone became in his memory somewhat excessively firm. Nettled, he embarked on a course of greatness in both the political realm and in feats of personal courage, succeeding so well that the great admiration he earned during his life tranformed into a hero-cult after his death which justified itself to the priestly community through numerous confirmed miracles and prophecies. Yulril Abbey's cenobites never heard of it so far as anyone knew.
Finis

A Ceremony Often Practiced but Never Rehearsed

When people groaned the deepest at their subjection to Tyrant Winter, then arrived resplendent Youthful Spring who with one blow from his gleaming brand laid low the dreadful season.
"Rejoice, for again the time—"
"Watch out," the trembling people warned, and with reason. Tyrant Winter rose and shook himself as if checking for thorns stuck in his clothing.
"This sometimes happens," Youthful Spring assured them. He turned and with one smack from the ivy-wrapped hilt dropped the stubborn foe. "Now rejoice, for again—"
Again indeed, as screams from the people alerted him, but a roundhouse solved the problem, once. Then a knee to the stomach, and a throw, and soon Spring and Winter were locked in a grapple, the former demanding that the latter give up already, had he looked at a calendar? The people marveled to see the contest. From that they invented the sport of wrestling and the art of professional wrestling.
Finis

Day's Ever-Shifting End

A group of men who lacked compelling local ties formed a pact to travel in search of the sun's resting place. Their treck across plains, rivers, hills, and seas yielded countless anecdotes. At last they saw the sun fall to earth ahead of them.
The place where it fell was not a well-appointed bower nor a night-defying fortress as they had supposed. Instead, it was a barren area of boulders and crags, unpeopled and useless. They passed a pale man poking among the recesses who asked them to call if they found the sun, a request to which they agreed.
They did find it, the sun, a radiant ball smaller than they expected though too large to raise without two hands and better yet two men and heavy beside, perfect in its roundness. When they called the pale man that he might see it also, he thanked them, hefted it without any sign of exertion, and hurled it far above the clouds where it became brighter still.
He followed it, but the band of travelers considered the compact fulfilled. The members traveled here and there and each became a great lord because of the power they absorbed because of the sun's brief nearness. Everywhere they encouraged their subjects (and their peers as well) to transfer their veneration from the sun to the moon.
Finis

Irreplaceable Dignity

The guard stationed at the crossroads pondered his duty. "Not to denigrate so eminent a person as I hope to be considered, but could not a statue do as much as I? Ah, a chance to test. Hail, Terad!"
The final salutation was no silent thought. Terad answered, and soon the two agreed to terms over a rough likeness of the guard, altered from another comission which depicted an official who had already secured a better post.
Upon delivery, the guard fixed his replacement and left to pursue a separate occupation. The statue watched over the crossroads ably. No crime occurred which would not had the proper guard been present. The sole notable incident involved a traveler from afar. Taking the statue for a local god, he left an offering and prayed to it before continuing his journey.
Incensed, the true crossroads god smashed the statue to splinters. The guard marveled upon seeing it. "I never realized how strenuous this routine could be for a guard of lesser resilience. I am aggrieved, lamented substitute, that you bore the weight of my miscalculation in thinking myself inessential." He proceeded to consign the statue to the care of the proper gods in his prayer. Both duty and piety thus returned to the world.
Finis

The Catalogue of Beasts

The hunter, great in prowess and local fame, repaired to a shrine to give thanks. There he heard this.
"Go and slay one of every kind of creature!"
He departed without complaint or question. For years he wandered, bringing down ferocious beasts to acclaim and trapping pests to ridicule. He learned the name of every animal and spared none of them, excepting not even man, though as it was a cheater at dice whose life he took, he doubted whether he counted as such.
When at last he was able to discover no prey not yet felled, he returned to the shrine, hoping for guidance. There he heard this. "You ran off before I announced the reward for the deed."
"There was to be a reward?" the hunter asked, amazed.
"Good health, everlasting fame, and a few score new kinds of beasts are even now coming into being should you wish to continue your hunt."
Regarding the first two, the hunter had little interest, but hearing the third he wept and praised the god.
Finis

Province of the Muses

A hundred earthly kings and princes convened for the concert of the musician, a legend though alive, who had returned from the divine court after receiving superhuman instruction. His first chord caused all to shiver.
After hundreds more, the listeners suffered not shivers but rather impatience. One among them, a crowned head known far and wide for his unwillingness to feign affection for the arts, asked how long this first composition could possibly be.
"Eight years," the musician answered.
Because of that, the earthly kings and princes understood what before they had only been told, that the things of gods are not meant for man. In their piety, they slipped away.
Finis