Semi-Important Location Table

You know where your hero starts the story (a farm) and where the final battle happens (moonbase), but oh no! You need a location for the hero to meet an informant or some junk like that. It doesn't matter enough for you to think about, so delegate that task to your favorite luck-based number selector and this handy list.

1. Upscale department store with employees who wear uniforms
2. Library
3. House of someone known to be out of town
4. The Crucible
5. Evening ferry
6. Vocaloid concert
7. Ferris wheel
8. Behind the kiln
9. Laundromat
10. Party celebrating noble's elevation to position of High Admiral
11. Executive washroom
12. Dream world

A Spur to Creativity

Is your fantasy story stalling because you said to yourself, "I'll set in the Bronze Age! That will be interesting," only to find out it wasn't interesting at all? Try working in the following words and phrases to "pep up" your "novel, novella, or short story."

Orrery
Cartography
Avuncular
Fabian tactics
Cat's meow
Lenticular
Corn
Uxorious
OSHA-compliant

You have to use all of them. Not some of them. Every last one.

Happy Slime Day!

Two holidays in a row? It's getting positively Roman here. Be sure to celebrate and remember the old saying, the best time to build a monster city was twenty years ago, but the second-best time is now.

Happy Custom BGM Day!

It's Custom BGM Day, so make sure to set all the battle music to Mambo Number 5. It increases your PP by 10%!

A Worldbuilding Tip

The next time you're making a map or some junk like that, when you find yourself writing "hills," add a "c" to the beginning and make your story worth reading. Then change the "r" in "rivers" to "sh." Mountains? You're on your own, buddy.

Super Robot Wars 30 Launch Party Planning

Your plans are all finalized, right? You didn't wait until the last minute, did you? The stores are all sold out of Majestic Prince merchandise and Weisritter plushies by now.

The Egg Cap

Once upon a time, a man was washing vegetables in a river when it washed an egg downriver and deposited it on the bank next to him. "What a strange egg," the man said. "It's big and has spots like nothing I've ever seen, and I've seen a few things, but not more than a few. Some neighbor upstream must have dropped it, some merchant or lord or wizard with all the best stuff. He must be missing this egg, so I'd better return it."
He didn't know a single person up the river who it could be, but he figured that had nothing with doing the right thing and placed the egg in his cap. The thing rolled around in there, as eggs often do, so he took off his socks and stuffed them in there. Satisfied with the arrangement's stability, he set off up the river.
The man stopped at every house along the way and asked if the egg belonged there, but the families there were honest and said they had never seen or owned anything like it. The houses gave way to farms, the farms to sparse woods, and the woods to areas where men never trod. He felt eyes on him, the eyes of unknown watchers, so every now and then he paused and raised his voice to ask him if anyone owned that egg. The eyes scattered each and every time.
The land climbed and he climbed with it, up slopes and over rocks green with moss. Higher and higher he climbed, till he found a lake high up, the river's source.
He approached the lake and looked for any house, tent, yurt, anything at all, but found nothing. Dismayed, he lifted his hat up and shouted, "Whose egg is this I have here? Don't let it get away because you're shy! You won't find another like it any time soon!" A beast roared in response. The man waited, and the beast appeared, a huge thing bigger than any of the houses where he asked, or maybe bigger than all of them. It was four-legged, a common way of getting around, and had three horns growing from its huge head. Is there any need to say he had never seen anything like it?
"You must be a lord or something, just like I figured," the man said. "Is this your egg? You want it back, of course."
The beast came right up to him, nodded, and pawed the ground. "Here?" the man asked, and set down the egg again. "There you go, and be sure to enjoy that egg. I'll be going now." He put his cap on and saluted the way he once saw a soldier do it.
The beast roared again and lifted its paw, which it waved and shook around in patterns the man had no chance of understanding. "Was I right about that too? Are you a lord and a wizard?" The beast nodded. "Wow! So what's that magic do?"
The beast slammed its paw down on his head with all its might. So sudden was the attack that he had no chance to move, and he was sure as anything that he was dead, but nobody came to greet him like the stories said they would. He opened his eyes. The beast and egg had both vanished. He made the long journey back, headbutting rocks along the way to confirm his cap was magically invincible. Word got around about it, and he sold the cap to a lord for so much money he never had to wash his own vegetables again. The lord did pretty well for himself too, as you would know if you ever met our king and saw him wearing that same shabby cap all these years later.
Finis

What Sort of Adaptation Should Dune Have?

Puppet show.

A Statement About the Dune Movie

It has come to our attention that thinking machines were involved in the production of this movie, which is a betrayal of all mankind. Therefore we must give it our lowest rating: A thousand deaths out of not enough.

What Science Fiction Lacks

Rocketships with big fins. It was much more popular when it had those.

Widespread Applications

Action? Mystery? Romantic comedy? They could all use glowing weak spots. They communicate information in an efficient fashion convenient to the writer. Shoot the boss in the glowing weak spot. How did the murderer know about the victim's weak spot? A girl accidentally strikes a fella's weak spot, she helps him recover, they fall in love.

The Latest Trends

Out: "The time is not yet right."
In: Glowing weak spots

The Missing Element from Literature

Postbook content. Just stick a boss fight in an appendix. It doesn't have to be fair or well designed.

Space Vacation

"I thought this planet was Space Denmark." The tourist fished out his ticket stub. "Yep. So where are all the Danes?"
"You aren't one either," another tourist pointed out.
"Ladies and gentlemen, we regret to inform you that every Dane is out on vacation to Space China, Space India, Space Polynesia, or Space Italy. Please enjoy the authentic Danish architecture and attractions."
"I don't see any of those."
"Ladies and gentlemen, we regret to inform you that the construction firms contracted to build authentic Danish architecture and attractions are all out on vacation to Space France, Space Mexico, Space Morocco, or Space Thailand."
"What a rip-off! I want my money back!"
"Ladies and gentlemen, we regret to inform you that in this post-scarcity society, you have no money and no way to acquire it. Your labor no longer has meaning."
"I know, I know. That's why I've been traveling around for three hundred years. Complaining's part of the fun."
And so all the tourists enjoyed Space Denmark and gave it rave reviews.
Finis

Failed Plan

Option 3 was going to be King Arthur except it's a football player sent back in time, but extensive research has proved all the good ideas have already been done. There is nothing left but decay.

Backup Plan

Option 2 is post-apocalyptic King Arthur. They should still use swords though. And still have all the bright colors and fancy sets. Just have some shirtless dudes with mohawks to fight.

The Newest King Arthur Reimagining

Here's the idea: Bright colors and furs and fanciness just like in the French stories. Do it up real big and have silks everywhere. Allow the sun to shine. Put some adventures in there.

Q&A

Q. How do I make my main character more liked by readers?
A. Specify that he is over 6'2"

Did You Know . . .

. . . that the ancient Romans only came up with names for three days of the month before they got bored and went back to swimming the Tiber and threshing? Such is how empires are made.

Clarification

That last story took place in a fantasy world much unlike our own. Shoes with false toes that make you look like a satyr are fine to wear in real life.

The Death of Fashion

Fashion has a graveyard? They told me good fashion has an expiration date but bad fashion lives forever, but residents of Highgreen say that isn't so. The tale they tell is that a tombstone there changes its inscription without human agency to the next fad to die. Unbelievable? I went to check it out anyway, because while I don't always believe it, Calp the fashion investigator always solves it!
Highgreen has been higher and greener, according to the fellows whose hats at least looked to have been founding members of the community. A village was built atop a hill long ago, but it grew like the size of collars in the last three years so that now it covers a few hills and all the lands between. I suggested they call it Lowbrown instead after the color of the bricks used in later developments. They told me it usually took about thirty years of living there to start making that joke, and then we were friends. We exchanged the gift of knowledge, from them the location of the famous tombstone and from me some tips they swore to implement if they ever wanted to recreate a scene from the infernal depths. Sounds like a hell of a weekend to me!
I won't tell you their names because I'm the jealous type when it comes to friendship, but I will tell you about the path to the tombstone. Once it was outside of town if my information was correct. These days it's on the edge of a park where rich children walk their nannies and young men without invitations display their plumage. Bushes obscure the small tomb from common view, which increases the treasure tingles but compels me to say this here: When your old friend Calp dies, make sure everybody knows!
I brushed aside the foliage and stepped in, and there I found true horror. The name on the tombstone was "Shoes with False Toes That Make the Wearer Appear Hooved." Those are my favorite! Or they were. Anyone who tries to claim I ever liked them is in for a one, and a two, and a quick apology over my shoulder as I run as fast as I can, which will be faster without these hoof shoes. That confirmed the message, but was it from beyond? There was only one way to find out. I stayed in Highgreen for a week, reading reviewers turning against hooves and trading jaw bombs with my new friends. That was when you could see me, but I was still around when you couldn't, keeping an eye on the tombstone. A waste of time and money? My boss thought so. That the pursuit of truth is always rewarded is the only excuse I can offer.
One day I saw from my arboreal perch a man creep in with tools and intent. I watched him resurface the tombstone, take a break, eat a nice meal, read a slim volume of poetry, and start etching a new name.
"I have you now!" I yelled as I scrambled down the tree, and if you take nothing else from this article, I can tell you it was an easier task without my favorite shoes than with.
"So you have," he said, and nearly startled me all the way back up. Who was it but the legendary Mayor Tneln! I only knew him as the mayor of fashion, but it turned out he was the mayor of Highgreen as well. He had retired from the criticism racket to leave it to a younger set, but did that stop him from making a pronouncement or two from the impenetrable anonymity of a supernatural occurrence when the cat scratched his spine? Not a chance!
I can't blame him, but I sure can expose him, because I solved it again. Till next time, leave the lowest button alone. I will, and I'm Calp, the fashion investigator.
Finis

Mythological Q&A

Q. Would setting the story of the Argo in space make it more exciting?
A. No. Cut that out.

Euphony

Argo is a boring name for a ship, too. They should have named it Essex or Iowa.

Just Between Us

Not to ruffle any feathers, but isn't the voyage of the Argo pretty boring? The Argonauts mostly don't do anything, especially in Colchis. Medea can solve any problem with no effort whatsoever.

The Death of Science Fiction

Aang but no Jimmy Neutron. We don't believe in the future anymore.

A Lament for the Old Days

Keyblades? Opening the doors of the heart? What about real blades and opening up the non-metaphorical heart? And why do those shoes have to be so big? Bunions?

The State of Society

Why are all these people smashing their brothers when they should be reading fantasy and science fiction? I just don't get it!

The Qualifications of Monarchy

"Once, the country suffered defeat in the north, in the south, the west, and on the sea. The people wondered, what was the reason for their ceaseless defeats? Was it their courage that was lacking? The quality of their arms? The favor of the gods?
"'The difference is this,' one of the captains of the people told them. 'Our neighbors select a single head for their body, a man surpassing the rest in excellence who prepares them in peace and manages them in war. They call these men kings. We can never overcome them as long as our captains dispute with one another and follow various counsels.'
"The people went to the richest man among them, and therefore the wisest, and asked for his help. 'Choose for us a man to prepare us in peace and manage us in war. Raise up a king, so we will lose no more. You would be our choice were you not so old, but point out who is second-best.' The rich man thought and pondered and considered, and at last he chose a man.
"The people were puzzled when he told them his choice. 'That man cannot be said to surpass the rest in excellence. He cannot be called second-best. Why have you chosen for us this man who is not tall, not rich, not handsome, not witty, not brave, and not charming? What makes this man a king?'
"The rich man told them, 'Your king will hold all power in his hands. He will collect revenues such as no one of you could earn. His relatives will rise to high positions, however little they deserve it. You will bow to him and flatter him and follow his commands. And you say he should be better than you as well? Nonsense! Envy would destroy you as surely as our enemies. I give you this man that you might look down on him whom you raise up. In no other way will you be able to bear his rule.'
"The people did as he said and reversed their fortunes. They defeated all their neighbors and extracted tribute from them. All their affairs prospered. From that time we learned always to revere the authority of the king if not his person and never, ever think of rebelling no matter how weak or incompetent he appears. Then least of all."
"Wow, thanks for the story, Mr. Royal Archivist! And thanks to the king for being the king even though he's terrible at it! Long live the king!"
"It was my pleasure, kids. I'll pass your kind wishes on to my uncle the next time I see him."
Finis

Addendum

I don't get the title though. Dawn isn't even that cool a word. Susurrus of Ys.

Thoughts on Ys IV Dawn of Ys

Spoilers!

Not only is Dawn of Ys better than Mask of the Sun, it's better than the earlier and the next Ys game to the extent that I start to wonder if maybe Falcom stunk.
HP regeneration is too slow for the higher levels. MP regeneration is too slow, but only if you make multiple stops with Warp. Warp should be free.
It's a bit of a problem that in boss fights you don't know if you can or cannot use magic before you go in them. Still, it isn't as bad as it could be since dying puts you right outside and skips the cutscene.
Putting a generic evil dude in at the end makes your story better? Strange but true. The motivations of the villains are clearer in this than in Mask of the Sun because of it.
Exciting music, wild bosses, reasonably personable characters even if Karna doesn't really do anything in either version, dungeon variety (straightforward or twisty, plain or puzzley, dense or sparse enemies, flat or vertical). The experience gives a real sense of adventure.
There's a sense of place, too. It still has inexplicable dungeon layouts, but the way dungeons relate such as the one becoming a tower later, as well as the relative sanity of the evil empire's castle make you feel like you're going places instead of running on a treadmill while a fire background and an ice background are rotated behind you.
Freeze magic doesn't really have much of a purpose. Half the spells don't, really. You only use Shield when the boss is immune to magic, and Seeker simply replaces the mask.
what do the Ruby and Necklace do? Two shops sell those. One's a secret shop. And the other gems. What's the deal?
Ys IV Dawn of Ys is a fantastic game. I give it my Ysiest rating: Ten Dogis through ten walls.

Old Ys Power Ranking

1. Ys IV Dawn of Ys
2. Ys I
3. Ys V Desert Kingdom of Bad Times
4. Ys IV Mask of the Sun
5. Ys II
6. Wanderers from Ys