"Here's the good news, ladies and gentlemen. Our company's Valentine's AI project has produced a genuine artificial intelligence in time for February."
"Great!"
"Fantastic!"
"So what's the bad news?"
"Here's the bad news. It's taken over and is arranging marriages for everyone in the world. Participation is not optional."
"Suboptimal."
"Unfortunate."
"So that's what that email was about."
"But here's the worst news of all. It's doing a fantastic job. Marital satisfaction is skyrocketing. Nobody is sitting around depressed until they turn to our products and services out of sheer inability to imagine a better life on their own anymore."
"A disaster!"
"Insupportable!"
"My new wife looks cute."
"There's only one thing to do. Send in the corporate special operations violence action team."
"Now I feel bad for fighting that proposal. Worse that I succeeded."
"I wish we really had one of those."
"Can we finish this conference up? I have someone I need to meet."
Finis
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