Attractions for the Discerning Tourist

When you're in Lonnpor, you can't miss the Red Palace, the Green Palace, or the Glade Festival. Every traveler who does the research finds out about those. But did you know? There's a parade no tourist should ever see. You want to see it now, don't you?
It's called the Emigration Parade, and it's not on a weekly schedule, or monthly, not even yearly. No wonder it isn't as well known as the Devotion of Sixths! No, this parade is held when the city council determines the place is getting a little packed, population-wise. Then it's time for the worst parade!
There's the grand marshal now. Locals recognize him as the guy who stands on street corners and tells you that if you don't like the weather, you should wait a minute! He's waving forward the band. It's not a good band, as expectedwhen the players are those jerks who make a racket in public areas and glare at anyone who passes without dropping a penny. Who do they think they are?
After them come the bakers with their rolling display! A selection of their wares? An oven so the crowd can see them at work? None of that. It's a set of couches they lounge on while fanning themselves with copies of the charter of monopoly the city granted their great-grandfather! There's a reason they all have the same last name, and also a reason their prices are higher than Rellpor's. Try bringing bread from there into the city. They dare you.
Who's that behind him? It's the city's senior judge, who's just dying to handle your suit personally. Why, you'd have to pay him not to! No, really. Pay him. It turns into a real problem if you don't.
After that, the prisoner cart rolls by. Who are those contemptible souls? Murderers? Robbers? People who told tourists about the Emigration Parade and discouraged growth in that vital industry? We won't keep you in suspense: it's the third one.
On and on it goes, each segment designed to remind locals why they've always thought about leaving but never got around to it. Does it work? Just ask the founders of Rellpor, Eckbor, Ptopor, New Lonnpor, Farther Rellpor, Innbor, Tetti Dann Por, Dedvidau, Osspor . . .
Finis