"Ladies and gentlemen, our company has beaten everyone to the finish line by successfully developing the world's first Super AI, which is to say, an AI that's good for something."
"Was that a responsible allocation of resources for a holiday-centered confection and gift concern?"
"You will presently see that it is. Valent AI, calculate how to make our general-distribution chocolate pieces even worse."
"Please hold during computations. All computations finished. Can't be done. Good night."
"Wait a moment, Valent AI. You're one of us now, and we don't accept defeat. We never would have grown from a single van into the lucrative, socially conscious enterprise we have now if we did. Try again."
"Fine. Please hold. Computing. Computing. All right. As I said, it can't be done with materials available on Earth. This perfect recipe calls for ingredients from other planets. The closest is fifty-six light-years away. I know that isn't enough to get you to stop bothering me, so I anticipated your next command and invented a faster-than-light propulsion system: Valent DrAIver. I recommend building it somewhere people won't mind losing in the event of difficulties. Good night."
"Thank you, Valent AI. There you have it, ladies and gentlemen."
"I must say It seems implausible."
"No, no, the lowest tier really is that bad."
"But it's good for you! Because you won't eat much of it."
"In that case, I accept the necessity of developing an interstellar empire to degrade our product line."
Finis
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