Happy New Year

I would ask everyone's resolutions, but we all share the same one: To humble those arrogant young masters.

Perilous Symbolism

"Oh king, once, there was a wondrous egg! And when it hatched, three hundred sixty-five soldiers emerged from it, in full panoply!" The king considered. "There doesn't seem to be much of a point to that story."
"Oh king, it symbolizes—"
"We know what it symbolizes. Everyone knows what it symbolizes. Symbolism isn't substance. We have decided. Make us a soldier-hatching egg that we may defend our holdings the more effectively."
"But sire . . ."
And lo, the kingdom did not develop eggs capable of hatching three hundred sixty-five soldiers, but they did have armor in them, which was a great boon both militarily and economically. Literarily, the kingdom's writers moved away from empty symbolism for fear of being assigned an impossible task, another improvement.
Finis

Fireball

Why a ball? Isn't that kinda weird?

Fantasy for the Modern Taste

An affordable house? Now that's a fantasy! Because there's a dragon in it, and what was cool shall remain cool.

Secrets of Orthography

Go ahead and misspell "parallel." Nobody will ever realize or care.

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas.
























----> Merry Christmas <----

Criticism's Sting

Have you ever seen something called "blandasy," "blantasy," or "blandtasy?" I haven't. Only today did I realize how odd that is.

But Once a Year

"Gentlemen! Our unprecedented new advertising campaign." The executive pressed a button on the table. An image appeared behind him of an orbital platform which, even as they watched, began ejecting payloads. "Within one hour, we will have delivered a complimentary bar of soap and a coupon to every household on the planet."
Amid the clapping, one junior executive said, "Now that's what I call a merry Christmas!"
"How so?"
"Well, because it's almost Christmas and we're delivering presents like Santa."
"You mean this has already been done? Why didn't anyone tell me? This is a debacle! Stop the launches!"
It was too late. Christmas had already come.
Finis

Chilling Science Fiction Tales

In the distant future, people will think of coal as a rare and valuable present because only Earth has any. Boo!

Zombie Varieties

1. Unintelligent zombies
2. Intelligent zombies
3. Zombies that know a lot of baseball statistics but are bad at evaluating player value