Addendum

Another third are because of access roads, but this is true for California only when Perry Mason was practicing (before he became a judge or stepped down to practice again).

It's Almost Halloween

Did you remember to make out your wills? I advise against it. Do you know many people are murdered because they changed their wills so somebody kills them and destroys or hides the new will? About a third of all murder victims based on the literature.

Frightening Thought of the Day

A tree stump is just a zombie when you think about it.

Genre Confusion

Is a cozy mystery a story in which nobody much cares that somebody got murdered? That's the impression I've gotten, but maybe there's more to it. For instance, does it have to star Angela Lansbury? That could present problems for the subgenre in the future.

The More Modern Prometheus

"I have created life!" the scientist proclaimed.
"That's great, though that sounds more like an engineering problem!" the crowd cheered.
"I have decided not to be evil," the scientist's creation announced.
"I really don't see why that was in question!" the crowd cheered.
The End

"That was an awfully short story."
"That's right. You're now trapped in a world where stories lack conflict . . . Forever! Muhahaha!"
"Nooooooo!"
Finis

The Principles of Horror

"Any sufficiently scary moment is indistinguishable from a jump scare." - Artur E. Parte
"A fright is a jump scare with a legion of defenders." - Max Spinestrike
"I scare, you spook, he indulges in jump scares." - Bootrand Rustling

How to incorporate a Maze Into Your Story

Just draw one. People like those placemats, right? Draw a little maze your readers can try to win by tracing a path with their fingers. They'll start from the end of course, but they'll still feel closer to the character who has to navigate it.

Illustrating the Different Branches of Speculative Fiction

In science fiction, the AI supercar is smarter than its driver.
In fantasy, the intelligent demon sword is more powerful than its wielder.
In alt history, the Nazis won World War 2.

Addendum

The answer is a tank with pulsating Knight Rider lights.

Science Fiction Troubles

It's easy to imagine a better skyscraper or spaceship, but what's a better tank? They're already perfect.

An Explanation of the Selection of Monster for the Previous Story

You know, not a lot of monsters have meaningful weakness. Werewolves have silver, which is pretty impractical, and the main problem faced by mummies is that they're boring. No wonder vampires are so popular.

Challenge of the Flavorful Dish

"No, inspector. There are no signs of violence and no indication of poisoning. The cause of death is natural."
"I have reason to doubt that," Inspector Iagius said. What reason need there be aside from the intuition of that veteran avenger of crime? Nevertheless, grounds existed! The dead man had not gone through life without enemies or without making a will. That will . . . was missing!
The doctor cared about physiological signs and not motive. And rightly so. He shook his learned head. "The sole unusual fact about this corpse is how much garlic he must have eaten!"
"Garlic, you say?"
"Crates of it!"

*****

"Well, Mr. Modusta, I only have one question for you before I stop wasting your time."
"Not at all, Inspector. Happy to help."
"Is it true that the victim dined here the night of the murder?"
"It is."
"Falgunus! Arrest this man!"
"What?"
An escape attempt! Mr. Modusta made his try, but Custos Falgunus was too fast for him in body just as Inspector Iagius was in mind. He struggled, but he might as well have wrestled against a mountain!
"He's full of energy, sir!"
"I am! Because this is outrageous!"
"And deviltry. Mr. Modusta, I talked to your other guests. They reported tasting no garlic at all. You knew the victim had worn a vampire costume for a party once! That made him vulnerable to garlic in sufficient amounts, larger of course than what the true vampire requires, and that's why you had your chief load his dish alone with all the garlic in the house! Take him away, Falgunus."
Another triumph for Inspector Iagius!
Finis

Addendum

"Golds," however, is self-explanatory.

A Frightening Friday Realization

Wait a minute. "Experience" doesn't start with an "X," so "XP" makes no sense at all! I haven't felt so hornswoggled since I found out about reading, writing, and arithmetic. About their spellings, I mean. I still don't get the subjects so good.

Honest Reflection

When was the last time you used the word "toot?" Don't be ashamed. Just fix it.

Addendum

To fit in with Wizardry tradition, it should be Enhpad.

Burning Wizardry Question

Daphne?

Addendum

And then it's back to the harem, but that goes without saying.

The Fate of an Inconvenient Premise

I Got Staked by a Texan and Sent to Another World Where I'm Still a Vampire but There's Garlic in the Air So I'm Weaker Than a Normal Human
Volume 2

"This quest reward magic item negates my vampiric weaknesses!"

Finis

The Harsh Truth

Poetry is what you do when you can't play an instrument.

Addendum

It's as if everyone had a marathon of Star Wars and Back to the Future and realized having a 3D blurry picture of a guy is of no use whatsoever, to say nothing of aesthetics.

Ephemeral Technology

Isn't it strange that television, a younger medium than movies or radio, to say nothing of literature, is almost dead already? It had close to a single human lifespan. Who would have predicted that in the 60s without saying something about holograms? Those don't seem as popular as they used to be.

Use This Now!

"Fantasy" is too broad a term. From now on, call the genre "magispec" so we can call James Bond fantasy and nobody will be confused. You might think nobody is confused already, and you're right, but think of all those poor souls who pushed "speculative fiction" and couldn't get it done. What's wrong with a little compromise?

How to End Your Story

"Congratulation! Thanks For Your Reading"

Novel Formatting

How about we put the main narrative on every other page and then fill the other one with a chorus commenting on the action? That's hard to do digitally, which means physical books can have a point again.

The Cursed Voyage of the Ancient King

"Preserve our heritage!" "Save our king!"
Protestors stuffed the streets, they stuffed the waterfront and the piers. The supervisors and bureaucrats in charge of moving the mummy to the ship and away shook their heads and said they would try again later, knowing the futility of it. The protestors did not disperse before the sun's rays did. Even then they left sentinels.
Every protestor who went home fell promptly into a satisfied sleep, and every one had that sleep disturbed. They dreamed together of an empty chamber, bare but for a terrible presence too noble for eyes belonging to people of their sort to resolve into a person. "A curse," the figure proclaimed. "A curse on all who interrupt my vacation. An unyielding curse!"

* * * * *

"Preserve our leisure!" "Save our king's plans!"
Protestors stuffed the side of the streets, they formed lines to the pier. The supervisors and bureaucrats acquiesced to their demands to move the mummy posthaste, wholly mystified.
Finis

Proper Halloween Titles

Sure you want to have skeleton kings and vampire kings, but is king a scary title? How about kaiser, doge, pharaoh, or potentate? Really it's just kaiser, but I wanted to see how the others look in print. Very plain. My goosebumps are gooseflat.

Addendum

The reason is that clowns are far too scary. It was crippling the economy because nobody wanted to come out from under the bed.

Halloween Roundup

Is anyone still trying to pretend clowns are scary? I think that died out, and for good reason.

Halloween Sorting

Let's examing the categories of how people celebrate Halloween in particular and October generally.

Halloween Horror Type: These people watch well-reviewed horror movies and play Alien: Isolation.
Halloween Irony Type: These people watch Friday the 13th movies after the first one and play Unity asset flips.
Halloween Spooky Type: These people carve jack o'lanterns, put skeletons in their yard, and play Castlevania and Disgaea.

There is a group which does nothing at all, but it's better not to say anything about that. The important thing is to find your faction and coordinate to win the Splatoon Splatfest which will have this as its theme any day now. Spooky Type is clearly the most popular, but Irony Type probably has better players.

Addendum

They don't have to be captive, but what you trust them otherwise?

Pre-Modern Solutions

You can still have a conveyor belt in olden times. It just needs to be powered by mules or captive genies.