Don't Be Afraid of Good Ideas

Coming up with a damage formula may be a litRPG kind of thing, but that doesn't mean it won't do wonders for your space opera, alt history where the Nazis won, or cookbook. It's just a little writing aid. Plan out your battle sequences and ingredient proportions.

Addendum

The ultimate goal is banning all forms of entertainment aside from books and movies based on books, but progress on that needs to be gradual. Overton windows and all. You understand.

Speaking of Political Debates

Here's my proposal for a national campaign: For every thirteen books a citizen of the United States reads, he gets a free pizza. The thirteen is for reasons of patriotism.

World Blord

I think using "cosset" lowers the dignity of the entire work, but I might be exaggerating.

Beware of This Ambiguity

When you give a character nova magic it may be obvious to you whether you mean that it's new or that it draws power from exploding stars, but your audience won't know. Therefore be sure to give a long explanation every time it comes up. Your readers and your word count will appreciate it.

The Downfall

I tried to wean us off horses before it was too late, but I failed. Uma Musume global has been announced, and the hippocracy is neigh.

Riparian Philosophy

One day, a philosopher saw a river and decided to think about it. He thought, he pondered, he conjectured, and he even meditated despite his aversion to the practice. However, whatever he did, he only became more agitated.
"It is impossible to think about the same river twice! How frustrating it is. What am I to do?"
Just then, a god materialized. "Become my champion and change the underlying processes of the world!"
"Oh, a god. I'd rather think about you than this river."
"By all means."
The philosopher considered, contemplated, and scrutinized the god, despite the violation of alliteration. He became unnerved as a result.
"It's really quite strange to think about the same thing twice. This must be one of the properties of the gods, that you are static."
"It is," the god confirmed. "Now that you understand that much, farewell."
The god disappeared, and for the rest of his life the philosopher was able to incorporate dynamism into his philosophies properly.
Finis

How to Increase Physical Book Sales

1) Make the cover a mousepad
2) A naughty mousepad

Period Piece Implementation

If you write something that takes place in, say, 1168, make sure to have people speak appropriately for the era. "Out of sight," "mod," "shemozzle," and "whirligig" are just a few of the things they should say.

The Lesson of Donkey Kong Country

That dude rode all kinds of animals that weren't horses. Out of sight!

Are Elements Good?

Sometimes I think any instance of fire magic should be replaced with bee magic, but other times I think there's no point pretending fire isn't impressive. Maybe the thing to do is fire, lightning, death, bee instead of trying to make earth magic something worth having.

Addendum

The percentage of people in the population capable of fighting should be 100, and every one should be issued a magic weapon at birth.

Fantasy Demographics

To get a good idea of how many people might live in your fantasy kingdom, simply find an estimate of the population of France in A.D. 1200 and multiply it by one thousand at least, because nobody cares what happens in tiny little underpopulated A.D. 1200 France. Go read the Mahabharata or something. Yeesh.

The Heart of Necromancy

"Blast!"
The corpse dissolved into dust while the necromancer looked on, disgusted. His servant moved to clean up the mess, barely quelling his repugnance.
"Hurry up, servant. The experiments must be resumed right away. When I have combined zombies and ghosts successfully, at last the zombost will exist, with all the insubstantiality of the ghost and the stench of the zombie! Ahahaha!"
"Yes, master." The servant worked quickly, not because of the command but because of his own inclination to spend the least possible time in the experimental chamber. Even so, he paused at the door and looked back, mumbling, "How does he afford all this? Who would pay him?"
"You fool! I heard every word. Don't you realize I'm an employee of the city in charge of freeing up cemetery space? I've been commended for my work every year! Begone!"
That was how the servant learned he had been hiding his employer's identity for no reason. I hope we all learned a little something about honesty and, more importantly, government work.
Finis

What Fantasy and Science Fiction Authors Have Forgotten

Bow ties. When was the last time you read someone described as wearing a bow tie? How about the first time? As if a dragon wouldn't put on a bow tie.

Addendum

The wings should also be baleful.

The Core Pegasus Fault

Pegasuses don't look tough enough. They should have eight wings and baleful eyes.

The True Test of Empathy

How bad do you think elves are at writing human characters? The worst part is probably that one of them got a reputation for writing good humans and other elves just repeat that because they heard it once, but really that one is the worst at it. They seem more sympathetic because they aren't even trying to be anything but elves with round ears.

Addendum

So does "dull," which was a good move by the guy who invented it. I hope he got a nice bonus.

Words That Need More Synonyms

Door. Sure there are some, but "door" has such a dull sound.

Time Isn't Good for Much Else

A grand temple was constructed, by far the greatest in the world. After that, the people set about deciding what to do with it, since worship did not exist for the simple reason that gods had not been invented.
Realizing that, the people gathered together and said, "Wait, that doesn't make sense. We wouldn't have built a temple if there weren't any gods."
"That's right." The god of time stepped forward then. "But I sent you all back to the moment before we sprang into existence because I thought it would be funny. And I was right."
The people prayed to the god of time to return them, which he did, and the temple was consecrated to every god except the god of time. All the gods were greatly gratified, most of all the god of time who had gotten himself away from that temple made by and for total squares.
Finis

On Measurement

Have you ever noticed how confident characters usually are about sizes and distances? I'm sure it's a skill that can be practiced, but it seems like even people thrust into adventure know how long 40 yards are or how big a 56-square-meter object is.

Addendum

That doesn't mean your fantasy world can't be shaped like a trapezoid, or course. The gods probably see it that way, just like an RTS camera.

The Real Difference Between Fantasy and Science Fiction

The most fantasy shape is the circle. The most science fiction shape is the trapezoid.

Addendum

"Oh, look at how many little boots I can afford, I'm so important." - some jerk on a millipede, look how stupid he is

Overdoing It

Riding a centipede is pretty fresh, but that guy with the millipede? Just ridiculous. What does he think he's doing?

The Needs of Court

"Where is my marshal?" the king asked.
"Here, sire."
"Why aren't you fighting? You are dismissed. Where is my treasurer?"
"Here, sire."
"I see no treasure. You are dismissed. Where is my master of revels?"
"Here, sire."
"There is not the slightest sound of revelry in my palace. You are dismissed. Where is my master of mischief?"
"Here, sire."
"I have encountered no . . . wait, where are you?"
"Actually, sire, I am here. I hired a page to say 'here, sire' for me."
"Outstanding! You are now a duke. Where is my chamberlain?"
"Here, sire."
"I don't know what a chamberlain does. Find out."
Thus the chamberlain set forth, but nobody knew what he was supposed to be doing. They say on the night of the full moon you can sometimes hear him asking what his job is.
Finis

Acceptable Changes in Adaptations for Visual Media

Masks don't sound all that cool when they're described, but they look cool. Therefore everyone in the TV show or movie should be masked, regardless of the source material. The Greeks and Romans did it. Just look up what persona actually means.