Addendum

Archers would write insulting messages on their arrows if they could. You know the kind.

Runeswords

You'd like to think the runes are full of arcane significance, but you just know they say, "If you can read this you're too close!" That's the kind of thing swordboys go in for. Truckers don't put alchemical diagrams on their trucks; they slap some truck nuts on there and get moving.

Christmas Fantasy

Now that Christmas has started, it's time to start writing fantasy in which people celebrate Christmas. There's no need to explain it. They just do.

Lesson of the Wizard-Saint

An exclusive interview with Rodelon the Wizard-Saint! Mr. Wizard-Saint, how did you attain that exalted position of both wizard and saint?
"The wizard part was just the same as for anyone. Study, more study, expeditions to strange realms, and more study after that. I wasn't very ambitious. Just the one title was enough for me. After I achieved it though, I had so much free time. I wasn't used to that, I can tell you. I decided to try a bit of gardening.
"I can't do anything by half-measures. I spent more and more of my time and attention on my garden. Yes, soon I put all my soul into it."
That's fascinating! Can we see your garden?
"Certainly. It's known as the Blackdread Mire today. That was when I realized my soul needed as much work as my wizard skills, and here we are."
Wow! Any advice for our readers?
"Few of you will become wizards, but look to your soul even so."
Finis

Rules of Drama

"If a sphinx is presented in the first act, it must activate its death laser by the third." - Antoine Checksum

Name Change Suggestion

"Space Elevator" is both prosaic and misleading. Let's switch over to "Cosmic Ribbon."

Addendum

The super-gigantic apples of the future will of course be called hyper apples.

Science Fiction Terminology Issue

In the future, when we've made ponies even littler, what do we call them? Double ponies? Micro-ponies? Horse minus minus? Xonies?

Addendum

But they're so portable! All right, lyres are back.

The Danger of the Classics

I know the old stories are full of lyres, but nobody likes them. We have to give up on lyres.

The Fifty Floors

Favard paused on the stairs, convinced it was the right move but berating himself for taking it. "You made so many boasts when you went off to challenge the Autumn Tower, didn't you, idiot? Fifty floors of ferocious battles were nothing to you, even though a man able to beat a single one can pick up a captaincy in any country. So strong, so skilled, and you're taking a break after five floors."
The floor challenges justified the tower's reputation. The first was nothing much, just eight expert fighters all at once. The second floor, that one was serious; Tevarin the Hawk had won fights before. Blast Guzo not only won but rarely lost, Baugon the Spiral was enviable in his physique and his record, and then the fifth floor. Diphon Tuesday and his immaculate technique. Favard broke it, but could he really climb higher?
He slapped himself, and the mere fact that he remained conscious proved the weakness of his limbs. Nevertheless, he finished the climb and searched for the next challenge. He saw nobody, smelled nothing, and sensed no fighting spirit at all. He perceived only a sign. A riddle, then? Or some intellectual challenge? He read it.

Now HIring
Expert fighters needed to populate tower. Wait for challengers and take them on. Bonuses for higher floors.
You DO Have To Fight!! You DO NOT Have To Win!!!

After the commute Favard had in reaching the top and going back to the bottom, he understood the labor shortage.
Finis

Addendum

By the way, I'm in favor of technical stagnation so I don't gotta upgrade so much. Back in the day, you needed a new computer every time Origin released a new game.

Ten-Year Anniversary

It's been awhile since the last Crysis game, hasn't it? I never played any of them, but think of the symbolic representation of technical stagnation in videogames.

How to Get Fantasy Movies in the Theaters

All-animal casts. Sure, you lose something as far as dialogue, but when that husky swears the third oath or whatever, nobody in the audience will be silent.

Time Skip Reminder

You made sure that the stuff that happens during the time skip isn't far more interesting than what's in your story, right? You did, didn't? Are you sure?

Apocalyptic Thinking

We've had the post-apocalypse, we've had the pre-apocalypse, but what about the pro-apocalypse? Sometimes you just gotta clear some stuff out. For instance, suppose the dark lord won and controls the eight pillars, or maybe the author added a character the audience doesn't like. We have to get past this kneejerk response that the apocalypse is bad.

Geographical Realizations

Earth's world serpent should be located southerly for efficiency, so how did the Norse find out about it? Does it look like a big W from space?

Sport and Discovery

"Lines out!"
With those words, fishing season began. Anglers lowered their microfilament lines from the orbital station down, down to the planet that was mostly ocean and most of that stocked with fish. They triggered their rocket hooks when the sensor detected a nibble. Each had a bucket for the worthwhile catches, and as for the small fry, the atmosphere filled with the burning husks of fish that had to be thrown back.
The laughing, the bragging, the broken lines and the lies about old catches attracted people to orbital fishing as much as the sport proper. That season, however, the sport asserted itself.
"Whoa! This one's a bit much." A mild statement that came across as a desperate plea because of being voiced at all, and accurately at that. Anglers rushed to help. Assist robots glided over. Everyone's strength and everyone's hooks were required, and soon they saw why.
A gigantic serpent rose from the ocean against its will, its tremendous might, and its unbelievable mass, for the thing encircled the entire world.
"Ha! How about that? I guess Earth's myths are based on ancient aliens after all."
"I owe some people I argued with some apologies when I get back."
"Who can recommend some good books on the subject?"
Amid merry talk like that the participants raised up the world serpent, and the meal that night was unforgettable.
Finis

Yam Fantasy

That isn't a subgenre, it's a Harvest Moon clone.

Stuffing Fantasy

Is lucrative, but you should probably use a nom de plume for it.

Turkey Fantasy

Is a dead end. What bold visionary will prove me wrong?

Addendum

I know the first idea you had was a ghost that turns out to be trying to give someone the wallet he dropped, but a descarifying reveal doesn't erase earlier spookiness.

Neverscaryvember

Now that October is over, make sure your stories contain nothing frightening whatsoever. It's a serious impediment, but rules are rules and months are months.

The Tyrant's Latest Raiment

Once, two magical tailors offered to make the dread tyrant Nikatok a suit of clothes never seen before which possessed the marvelous property that only the intelligent could discern the fine weaves. Though skeptical, the tyrant gave them a chance, funds, and severe warnings.
The tailors wove and enchanted. At last they presented the clothes to the tyrant, who went into the city to test them. "You there, citizen. What do you think of my clothes?"
"Sir," the accosted man said, "it's your prerogative to walk naked if you wish of course! You're looking quite chiseled, too!"
The other common citizens said similar things. The tyrant then sought out the wise. "You there, geometrician. What do you think of my clothes?"
The man tugged his beard in dismay. "I have heard only the intelligent can see them. Today I learned I am not truly intelligent. I must redo my calculations!"
The other esteemed citizens said similar things. Well pleased, Nikatok paid the tailors far more than they had asked and praised them as the only worthy minds in the city aside from him.
Before the tailors set out, they sought out the geometrician. "Can you really not see the clothes?" they asked, puzzled and worried.
The man smiled and avoided the question.
Finis

Q&A Corner

Q. Why don't more main characters have wings?
A. Cowardice.
Q. How about gills?
A. Waterworld.
Q. And antennae?
A. Antennae are failed horns.

Addendum

And blood type, height, likes, and dislikes.

Here's What You've Been FORGETTING To Put In The Back Of Your Book!

Forget a glossary, you gotta get a movelist back there so people can follow the fights all nice and good.

Addendum

Roastician. Firer.

Remember Your Agent Suffixes

The next time you want to put a pyromancer in your story, don't forget you can make him an infernist or a flamizer instead.