Addendum

The origin of the feud was an argument whether to put the tea or the water in first.

An Unreasonable Feud

Once upon a time, a feud developed between two mapmakers. Professional jealousy is a terrible thing, and those mapmakers, Parvo and Foleri were their names, happened to be cousins as well. "Avoid your enemy and avoid your grudge," they say, but their family tree tripped them up when they tried to follow that plan.
They competed, and over the years, the city where they lived gained a reputation for beautiful maps. Their fellow citizens, to their shame, engaged in schemes to deepen their acrimony instead of striving to reconcile them, as good neighbors ought. Parvo labeled rivers, Foleri labeled streams. Foleri included a legend and scale, Parvo wrote names in different colors, sizes, and typefaces with the result that every feature could be understood at a glance from across the largest room.
Except, of course, for the dining hall of the ducal residence. Foleri decorated that with a map of the entire world, for he had been given the commission for that. He invited Parvo to view it, and while his map filled a wall, his pride filled the rest. "You have depicted a world. Very well, and yet I will surpass you in this way. My next map will be a world."
Foleri laughed at him and said Parvo had lost his mind, and perhaps he had. He went home, and he worked, and he worked, and he worked, and he made our world, which we call Parva. He invited Foleri to view it, who refused to concede anything even then. "Very fine, for a bare ball. Where is the sun? Where is the moon? You have no sense."
Foleri returned home and worked on maps of his own, and he made the sun, the moons (because he saw no reason to stop at one), and all the stars. That is why we call heaven the Folerium.
As to what happened between them after that, or what their world and heaven are called, I am not a liar enough to pretend knowledge, for everything I have told you is true.
Finis

Addendum

The Warring Snakes Period is completely different and appeals to a niche but perhaps lucrative audience.

The Latest Subgenre

Warring Skates Period. Describes any subgenre where disputes between countries are settled by sporting events, such as pinball.

Industry Trends

The word that will define the coming year in speculative fiction is "contumely." Adjust your plans accordingly.

Addendum

At least it wasn't unholy, like when Justinian was a demon sent from hell to depopulate the Earth and sent his head flying around the palace at night. That's a historical fact from your boy Procopius. Look it up.

History Corner

The Holy Roman Empire was both Roman and an empire. That fun quotation was about its dying days, not its entire existence. Now the holy part, well, you know, I mean, things are complicated sometimes.

The Music of Fantasy

How would you score your favorite books? I was thinking something like dun dun DADUN dun dadun DAN DAN. What do you think?

Attractions for the Discerning Tourist

When you're in Lonnpor, you can't miss the Red Palace, the Green Palace, or the Glade Festival. Every traveler who does the research finds out about those. But did you know? There's a parade no tourist should ever see. You want to see it now, don't you?
It's called the Emigration Parade, and it's not on a weekly schedule, or monthly, not even yearly. No wonder it isn't as well known as the Devotion of Sixths! No, this parade is held when the city council determines the place is getting a little packed, population-wise. Then it's time for the worst parade!
There's the grand marshal now. Locals recognize him as the guy who stands on street corners and tells you that if you don't like the weather, you should wait a minute! He's waving forward the band. It's not a good band, as expectedwhen the players are those jerks who make a racket in public areas and glare at anyone who passes without dropping a penny. Who do they think they are?
After them come the bakers with their rolling display! A selection of their wares? An oven so the crowd can see them at work? None of that. It's a set of couches they lounge on while fanning themselves with copies of the charter of monopoly the city granted their great-grandfather! There's a reason they all have the same last name, and also a reason their prices are higher than Rellpor's. Try bringing bread from there into the city. They dare you.
Who's that behind him? It's the city's senior judge, who's just dying to handle your suit personally. Why, you'd have to pay him not to! No, really. Pay him. It turns into a real problem if you don't.
After that, the prisoner cart rolls by. Who are those contemptible souls? Murderers? Robbers? People who told tourists about the Emigration Parade and discouraged growth in that vital industry? We won't keep you in suspense: it's the third one.
On and on it goes, each segment designed to remind locals why they've always thought about leaving but never got around to it. Does it work? Just ask the founders of Rellpor, Eckbor, Ptopor, New Lonnpor, Farther Rellpor, Innbor, Tetti Dann Por, Dedvidau, Osspor . . .
Finis

Terminology Corner

The climax is in the middle. The technical term for the exciting part at the end is "screenplay bait."

Addendum

Ultra Michael is pretty good, but wait until the end to bring it up or things will just get silly.

Naming Tips

Good name: Michael
Better name: Anti-Michael

Big News!

The Lord of the Rings: War of the Evil Power Master is coming! No matter how much we tried to stop it! We are undone!

Science Q&A

Q. If there is intelligent extraterrestrial life in the universe, where is it?
A. ur moms house roflmao

Worldbuilding Tips

The first thing everybody wants to know about a futuristic milieu is what kind of ads they have. Celebrity endorsements? Regular people like you and me? A guy in a lab coat explaining the scientific properties that make one product the best? Don't try to tell us there aren't ads. Don't try it.

On the Origin of Magical Species

Once upon a time, an ant lived in the fields, and so did a grasshopper. They were bugs and did nothing of moral significance.
"Is the real world nothing but disappointments?" asked the wizard Stfenlorvcwizus, who included wizards in the real world no matter what you think about it. "Is there nothing edifying in nature? I believed every grain of sand on the beach held a lesson to learn. Was I wrong? No, rather nature is wrong and in need of correction."
The wizard Stfenlorvcwizus withdrew to his workshop and prepared his enchantments. He studied in the morning, measured in the afternoon, and chanted all evening through the night. At last he achieved his desire. And that is why we have all these enchanted animals and trees that never shut up when you try to get anything done outdoors.
Finis

Hot Enchantment Idea

Instead of talking swords, make arrows talk instead. Then they can annoy the other guy.

Addendum

I don't mean only the magic ones, but those two. Especially those. But not just those.

An Important Warning

A bunch of disguised aliens are trying to make people think swords aren't good so we'll be defenseless. Don't listen to them!

A Sure Crowd Pleaser

Star Citizen! OK, you can laugh now.

A Moment of Appreciation

Fantasy and science fiction allow us to delight in imaginings too beautiful for the real world. For instance, if you told me you heard a song of ice and fire, I would call you a liar and also the police. But in fantasy, such a thing is possible.

History Corner

Did you know that people didn't always have cameras everywhere and DNA testing or even fingerprinting? That's why all the good mysteries are set in the past.

The Sixth Column

General Winsdel slammed his fist on the desk. "If only we could discover how those blasted orcs are receiving supplies! I inspected our blockade personally just last week. Just put that there if you don't mind." He tapped the table to indicate to the servant, who of course was a foreigner, where he wanted his biscuits.
"It's the most puzzling problem we face, certainly. We've penned them in, and I hardly think anyone but an orc would want to help another orc. And yet . . ." Marshal Carrow leaned back in his chair and closed his eyes. "They should be stuck and out of luck. Hm. Stuck, luck, orc. I have it!" He jerked up and startled General Winsdel and the servant both. "Winsdel! What's 'orc' spelled backwards?"
"Cro."
"Now shift it all a letter to the left!"
"What do you mean? Oh, I see. Roc!"
"Rocs are nothing but air orcs! They're getting the supplies through." The marshal slouched. "No, no, that can't be it."
"What's wrong? I thought you really had it there."
"Don't you see? That makes sense in our language, but not in theirs."
"Don't be a, er, what I mean to say is, a man of your experience and knowledge of the world surely knows there's only one language. Foreigners are all just pretending. It's a bit of a joke to them."
"You think so?" Marshal Carrow pondered the matter as he accepted the tea the servant brought in, and General Winsdel did the same. "Now if that's true, our next step has to be . . . has to . . . Winsdel, I suddenly feel . . ."
Both men collapsed, senseless. The servant shook his head. "You ought to have kept your considerable intellects focused on the war, gentlemen." He snapped his fingers to summon a crew of burly foreigners who lifted the two officers and hustled them out of the building. What will become of our heroes?
Finis

Getting in on the Ground Floor

Everybody's going to want disco fantasy and disco science fiction pretty soon, so start writing.

Addendest

"It's just terrible! The doors of Slytherin house turned into brick walls! Water came out of nowhere! Three hundred Slytherin students, all trapped and drowned!"
"Horrible. Were their wills all found?"
"Er, yes, they were. They left everything to you for some reason."
"How curious," said Headmaster Snalbus Dramblebam.

Addender

Maybe you don't want to include Slytherin dorms in your sandbox mode wizard school, but when you see how much money Slytherin alumni give you, your morals will be tested.

Addendum

Or Theme Hospital but Harry Potter. It doesn't matter. People want to scroll around and see Harry Potter junk going on. People with money.

An Unanswerable Question

If people like money so much, where's The Sims but Harry Potter?

A Nostalgic Interlude

Remember when people had trouble remembering to write the new year on their checks?

Challenge of the Gentleman Thief

Winter! The streets of Priscarbs were covered in snow and rumors. Would the police be humiliated again, or would the gentleman thief give them a break for once? Place your bets, for the message had been sent.
"Falgunus, better pass on the flutter this year."
"Sir?"
"I didn't set this up to get myself thrown out on my ear for inexusable, not to say risible, misuse of department resources." "I had wondered, sir."
"Glad to hear it."
Temborin Tower looked over the city and dared anyone to find a finer clock than the mechanism Prince Salfuneus had installed eight years earlier. The city looked back and wondered if that infamous thief would dare to strike again. Not once and not thrice had the mysterious malefactor stolen the priceless old year, aged to perfection, and replaced it with a worthless new one. No, countless incidents, more than anyone could remember, and the reputation of the police fell every time till it could hardly go lower. Houses in Priscarbs had only so many basements.
At last, it seemed the police had thrown the whole thing up. Temborin Tower had no more security than it did on any other day, and that intended mostly to prevent accidents and suicides. The streets loved to hear it, though they hoped the police would make another vain attempt at the next occasion. "Variety within tradition" was the motto of Priscarbs.
A flash! A sound! A figure appeared on the tower. It hesitated, as any criminal would when faced by so suspicious a situation, but soon assured itself that the police had well and truly dropped the reins for the night.
"Now!" The statue of a dove taking flight split apart, and from within charged Inspector Iagius and Custos Falgunus. They looped the thief and wrapped him up before he could say they had the wrong man, not that there would have been much point in that.
"Caught you! There's no to wring a confession out of you under the circumstances, but processing will go smoother if you tell us your name."
"Time."
"Strange name, but that's for your parents to think about. Take him in, Falgunus." Thanks to that triumph of police technique, the year only grew in value. The cold weather seemed to be strangely elongated in duration, but it cleared up later, just about when the thief was released for good behavior.
Finis

Q&A Corner

Q. Does the excellence of early Buck Rogers prove everything was better in the past?
A. No. Only the comic strips.