The Price of War

The crowd outside the Hall of Swords swelled to a size impossible to ignore, broader than the sea crashing loudly on the rocks. "No more war! No more fighting!"
The doors opened and an officer appeared. He looked over the shouting crowd and the waving signs, frowned, and asked, "Is this a protest against us?"
"Yes! Who else! No more war!"
"But we're fighting the infernal hosts."
"We know! That's the problem! No more fighting!"
The officer again surveyed the troubled sea and saw no harbor anywhere. "I don't understand. Do you want to be killed by monsters? What is your objection?"
"They don't got nothing we can strip after the battles! My kids are going hungry! Where's the armor?!"
"Doesn't that strike you as a tad ridiculous?"
"NO!" The crowd shouted as one and fell silent afterward, and during that lull one among them stepped forward and doffed his hat. "You see, sir, all these battles, and we know you work hard and we appreciate it, they ruin our fields, you see, and so in a normal war we make it up with a bit of post-battle plunder. As it is now though, does it really matter that the monsters mean to eat us if we can't buy nothing to eat anyway?" The protestors yelled their approval of what their impromptu spokesman had said.
The officer pondered the speech, then spoke himself. "But then, what do you want us to do? Pick a fight with another country between battles?"
"Oh, if you could sir, that would be wonderful."
"Or drop some of our armor on the ground so you can pick it up when we aren't looking?"
"Heavenly!"
"I see. I will relate your concerns to my superiors, though I have no idea what they will make of them."
"Bless you if you do, sir." The spokesman said something of that nature, though it was hard to be sure among the cheers and screams of joy. In the end, the army just gave them a bunch of money, which the protestors all agreed to be a satisfactory result.
Finis

Differences in Mediums

There's no need to hide book titles though, since everyone just reads the first and last pages anyway. What are the rest even for? Encoded messages for selling industrial secrets, of course.

Giving Away Too Much

All these games these days have names such as Mass Effect: Andromeda or Ys IV: Mask of the Sun. Doesn't that rob them of all mystery? They should be named MSS FFCT: ??? or YS ##: ??? instead.

Addendum

Also, Dogi was barely in it and Adol barely has muscles. That's no way to keep up with the times, fellas.

Notes on Ys IV: Mask of the Sun

Spoilers!
People talk about going back to the first Pokemon in the second Pokemon, but nobody's talking about putting half of Ys I in Ys IV.
What a lame bunch of villains. It isn't even entirely clear what they think they're going to get out of this, let alone what they'll actually get. All that monster stuff seems like a distraction from their plan if anything.
Waiting for story sequences before you can fight a boss for real works better when your attack is not running into them and hurting yourself if they're invincible.
Dying on bosses because they were invincible works better when you don't have to read the dialogue or sit through the earlier phases every single time.
The earlier bosses were fine though.
This is an Ys tradition, but making the player go through a bunch of narrow corridors at the end when bump combat is all about maneuvering is an unfortunate decision.
Leaving aside the villains, the heroes were also lame and the minor characters lacked character. The starting lost item miniquest in Ys I gave the world and people more flavor than the entirety of this game. Overall this game deserves my most "feels like an Ys knockoff" rating of Xak/10.

Clarification

Can stage magicians also have huge muscles? Regrettably, not huge enough. Some combinations are impossible, no matter how much we might wish otherwise.

Trends of the New Century

Out: Stage magicians
In: Huge muscles

Take Back Your Posture

In the shattered ruins of a city of the Pacific Northwest, the hard but peaceful lives of the industrious survivors ended when Big Bunker's thugs strolled into town from the east, laughing and flexing their huge muscles. Even worse, a band of Harbor Rose's goons walked in at the same time. The survivors abandoned the square and peeked out of their cracked wooden doors. They knew their future was about to be determined, and they had no say.
"What do you thugs think you're doing here? Huh?" One of the goons made the first challenge.
"This is Big Bunker's turf. Didn't you know? I guess you don't know much!" The head thug laughed and elbowed his crew.
Just then, from the south, a lone figure appeared, tall and broad, covered in a cloak which he threw off to reveal his bull-like arms. The goons and thugs shouted and threatened, but the survivors were too shocked to speak. They recognized who the man was.
Before the cloak hit the ground, he thrashed every one of the thugs and goons, then began to speak. "How do you think the apocalypse happened in the first place? Carelessness. That's right, carelessness. Now look at you, with your torn shirts and mohawks. Were you manning the missiles? I wouldn't doubt it. Either you or somebody as careless as you. Sit up straight and look at me when I talk to you. You think paying attention isn't important? People like you thought that in the old days too, and then boom, apocalypse. Do you think that's fun? That it's the right way to do things?"
As the speech continued, the villagers finally found their voices and muttered to one another, "It's him! The one who wanders the wastes and tells us why we deserved it! The Nagger of the New Century!"
Finis

What Should The Prize Be?

The best weapon that you can't use because you already beat the hardest boss, of course.

Reboot Opportunities

What kinds of changes should a Highlander remake include? Here are some ideas.

1. Chainsword
2. Lengthy jetski sequence
3. Every angle should be Dutch
4. Entire movie takes place in a forest around a lake except for the finale at the Grand Canyon
5. Cameo by DJ Khaled
6. Last line: "The Prize? Guess we'll find out next time." The main character winks at the camera while delivering the final line.

Some Notes on the Kurtis Event

Meanwhile, Disgaea RPG's storytelling is immaculate.

Some Notes on the Meihousou Event

Why did they have footage of Moriarity's conversation with Nursery Rhyme? Who recorded that? Was it Fou?
Servants are spiritual phenomena contained in a mystical human-like vessel. They do not get tuckered out from thinking about a movie too hard. Or painting too hard.
Is the intended message that Murasaki Shikibu is a complete hack? Her idea was to redo The Tale of Genji except focusing on the groomed girl and everybody loves her, with Murasaki as the lead actress? Maybe since the rubes already summoned for her, it's time to get everyone on the Sei train.
What was a Welsh pirate doing there? No, really, why was he there? And why did he disappear? "Something something fragile spirit origin" is all well and good for contrived servants like Jeanne Santalancerdancer or Okita Alter, but Black Bart is a perfectly normal dead famous person.
"If only there were some way to have more than one cut of a movie," said Mash "The Dumbest Woman in the World" Kyrielight.
I like the idea of mini-stories, but they all end up being so shoddy.

Worldbuilding Thoughts

Remember to consider what kind of music people will enjoy in your scifi setting, because how can you play a piano when you're floating around and junk?

Financial Emergency

Oh no! My Snoot Coins have lost all their value!

I Was Struck by Lightning and Now I'm an Animal Mascot in Another World?!?!

If you've never taken orders from a floating beard guy wearing a pointy blue wizard hat, I can't recommend the experience enough. That's what people mean when they talk about being high on life.
"Here we are in the Half-Baked Honey Hills, Julian. You need to collect 3 Golden Zaboodles, 12 Silver Snoot Coins, and 50 Bronze Snappems to reach the next area. This would be a good time to practice your Scrabble Kick, Badger Step Kick, and the old Croucheroo. Take it from me, the Upper-Middle Supermagetendant!"
"Why not a High Supermagetendant? That sounds better."
His voice flattened. "Office politics."
"Oh. Sorry for asking." I shook my legs to limber up for the Badger Step Kick, which was a double jump you kick during for more distance, and wondered if I would ever get used to my new badger body. Not even a regular badger; a cuted-up mascot badger. I hoped I wouldn't stay in it long enough.
I looked over the green hills, the bees flying back and forth on regular schedules, and the cylindrical hive platforms and rolled my furred shoulders. Those giggly whatchemahoos weren't going to collect themselves.
Finis

You Do the Rest

Gloveomancy

Game Review: Glover

I never played it, which makes me the perfect author to write the novelization. I'll come at it without preconceptions and bring out a fresh, new Glover the fans never imagined.

Score: 5/5 fingers

Towering Ambition

Will you be the one to write the series best adapted as a 3D collectathon platformer?

Q&A

Q. What kind of videogame adaptation should The Stormlight Archive have?
A. Match three + hidden object

Think About It

Malazan: Samurai Gunman

Apologia

Sure, "magnagorgon" mixes Latin and Greek, but let's not pretend it's the first time.

Forethought

"Put the magnagorgon over there. Good. What is it?"
The acolyte wrung his sweaty hands and spoke. "Great one, you have captured by your incomparable arts some of the most dangerous creatures. The magnagorgon, the tyrannolisk, the mindful mass . . ."
"Yes, yes."
"In furtherance of what aim are you having us haul them to this empty field? Not that we mind, of course, but . . ."
"An empty field. You do not see, as I do, the complex I will erect here once all my sentinels have been placed."
"Ah!"
"You see now? When robbers intrude and run across these monsters, they will wonder how such colossal beasts could be there, being bigger than the corridors and doors as they are. These magical mirrors I have devised will capture their expressions at that exact moment. Oh, how we will laugh!"
"Ha ha ha!"
"A ha ha ha!"
"Gya ha ha ha ha!"

"And that's probably how that magnagorgon got in there."
"I can't see any other explanation, frankly."
Finis

The New Wave

Fantasy legal thrillers! I don't know anything about the law, so you can have this one, fellas. Make sure there's lots of pointing and Latin.

A Further Caution

And absolutely not doraemons. We don't want legal trouble, do we?

A Caution

Don't call them daemons, though. It's so unsightly.

Merry Barbatos Day!

Be sure to include some demons in your story. Even if it's scifi? Especially if it's scifi.

Some Good News

New Constantinople will hold out for some time more, though.

A Chilling Reminder

We're closer to the sack of Space Rome than we are to the sack of Rome.

An Incident in the Year 572

When the storms started, the Oddani prayed. When the storms continued, they asked their priests to use stronger rituals. When the storms worsened, they pleaded with Hobbell, one of the prominent men, to make use of his foreign connections and learn of some worthy ceremony or helpful god before they were ruined.
He said, "I know you are quick to act and quick to change your mind. First you must promise two things, that you will accord me noble honors and that you will do whatever I say in this crisis without punishing me later regardless of what you think of it, since you have admitted your helplessness." The other Oddani made the promises he demanded and begged him to do as he had undertaken.
Hobbell traveled somewhere, and when he returned, he had with him men from another land and an altar of the same sort. He commanded everyone to gather where his guests placed the altar. Heedful of their promises, the Oddani came.
They stood in silence for some time until one among them, a householder, Maffan by name, asked what was the purpose of the altar. Hobbell signaled and his men grabbed Maffan, dragged him to the altar, and slit his throat while the Oddani watched, still keeping their word. Hobbell dismissed them then to their homes.
The storms left their lands after that. Hobbell took the honors given him and sent cattle to Maffan's family, more than the dead man was worth. When asked why he had someone killed against whom he had no grudge or reason for rancor that the Oddani knew, he shrugged and said that was part of the ritual as he was told it, to give to the god the first who dared speak, for the storms raged at their weakness, who ought to be strong. Because of that, everyone honored Maffan as a brave man, and his son became prominent later.
Finis

Charity

Before we say too much about naming a scifi musical style "jizz," let us remember what scat is.

Underused Scifi Settings

Are you tired of blah blah blah? Then blah blah blah.

1. Crisis of the thirtieth century
2. Caveman time travel
3. Truck stop bathroom
4. The secret world of pottery
5. Reverse Ecuador
6. Scatlantis Prime
7. Resort town (no volcano)