Addendum

Just because something doesn't get much current discussion doesn't mean it can't curse you. This is general life advice.

Ancient Fashion

People used to talk about pyramids all the time. They wouldn't shut up. Then they stopped, but then they started again, but now nobody talks about pyramids. Don't be fooled, though. They still visit the silly things. From this I conclude the popularity of pyramids is perennial. The lesson here is that fashion applies to fashion itself; pyramids are fashionable, but talking about how fashionable they are is not. Sometimes Stonehenge is on top, sometimes this, sometimes that. As for the significance, I dunno. Keep it in mind. Someday the rewards could be staggering.

It's Time to Start Remaking Books

Movies are remade all the time. You might think that has something to do with the medium, but way back when, everybody wrote his own version of the Argo's travels or King Arthur's rise and fall. What changed? Nothing that can't be changed back, especially when we revise those darn intellectual property laws in the interests of mankind's survival.

Advent of the Skelemancer

"Allow me to state that, while I did not and do not object to this invitation, I do object to calling him 'the Skelemancer" for the simple act of having a skeleton walk around while on fire, as though that were some defining deed. Mobile skeletons are a common trick."
"Speaking respectfully, when did you try to set fire to bone before, and how long did that fire last, presuming you succeeded?"
"Oh. I was distracted by the less important part, and I rescind my criticism."
The Learned Fellows of Trijna resumed waiting for their guest in complete serenity. Neither the state nor the wait lasted long, for when Jumo i Zuza entered, the man who lately had gained a reputation as the Skelemancer, he had with him a companion startling even to those who thought themselves informed.
"Is that a crystal skeleton? What beast provided the materials?"
"Does this chill I feel have a physical element, or is it nothing but awe which causes it?"
"Learned fellows! I begin the lecture now. This is a human skeleton to which I applied the principle of hardening! I have proved to my satisfaction that this world consists of substrates and processes. Our system of elements is jumbled with some of each, but by experimentation we will reduce it to sanity. I have applied flame, a process, to bone, and replaced water with bone as the substrate for the hardening action which produces ice. And next . . ."
"Surely you do not intend to apply the motion of air to produce farting skeletons! What of dignity?"
Jumo i Zuza raised his arms. "There is no dignity in ignorance."
"This title of Skelemance, if anything, is insufficient for this man, a true Skelosopher!"
Finis

Forget YA, It's Time for Junior Versions

With the power of AI, we can easily have cyber-scholiasts produce commentary for our fantasy and science fiction so that never again will a reader have to struggle with subtext. The only question is whether the AI commentary should be more or less expensive. On the one hand, it's an extra feature. On the other hand, the unadorned versions will now be premium items which make the reader feel smarter, an eight-dollar value at least.

Addendum

Specifically, all intellectual property will be protected for twelve years except for Pac-Man, which is protected in perpuity and the penalty for infringement is exile from the solar system. Twelve years is a highly scientific number which reminds us of clocks, which are ticking as we wait for a space monster.

The Biggest Potential Disaster

What happens when most of us have moved to an array of space colonies spread throughout the solar system and then a big space monster comes through and chomps us all up like Pac-Man? The only solution I can see is to have Bandai Namco sue the menace, and for that to happen we might have to change our intellectual property laws.

Linguistic Shifts

Does anything whizz nowadays? I have the impression things used to whizz constantly, but now they hardly ever whizz. Maybe I'm looking in the wrong places.

On Vanity

If a kingdom minted coins that have a picture of a dragon on them, does that make dragons more or less likely to want them? Or no change? This is the principle question the writer must ask when deciding the nature of dragons in the setting.

One Horsepower

The only two things keeping horses alive are rich people and racing. Once we have cheetahs genetically engineered to have a little staying power and congenial personalities, it's all over.

Progress and the Losses Incurred Thereby

Lights came on to illuminate the stage opposite the speaker. On it stood a bewildered horse, an distracted turkey, a stoic mule, and a guinea pig in a cage.
"There are the guests of honor folks, but what's this? Party crashers?"
While the crowd laughed, another of each species came out (the guinea pig had to be wheeled by an assistant). The animals were of course kept separate to prevent incidents.
"There they are, and don't they all look lovely? Just like the real thing. In fact, they are real! The cloning process is as good as it's going to get and cheap too. That means, heh, we don't need to keep these fellows around! Get your bibs on!"
Thus began the feast to commemorate the first four species people decided to get rid of on purpose, not that there were many more, for few species are so easy to replace and to cook both.
Finis

Cultural Fragmentation

Soon books will be so optimized that each of them will be readable by only a single person. We will no longer share cultural references. When that day comes, I'm going to tell all you chumps how bad your literary opinions used to be and how glad I am they don't matter any longer.

Holiday Proposal

We, and by we I mean the citizens of the United States of America, need a second holiday in July (provisional name: Big July) for people to use up all their leftover fireworks so they don't do it in dribs and drabs for weeks after, and curiously before, the 4th.

Addendum

As far as I can tell, here are the appropriate occasions to use asyndeton:
Never
I'm open to persuasion.

Conjunction Function

I think the convential understanding is that asyndeton gives an impression of hurry and rudeness in narration, but I contend polysyndeton does that better. It's how children tell stories, after all.

Galactic Ruse

Scientifically speaking, what are the chances that all of space we can observe is a big prank? Basically a huge soundstage? I think it has to be close to 92%.

This Is No Longer Acceptable

We've been putting up with it till now, but stop saying "bend the knee" outside of A Song of Ice and Fire. The word is "genuflect," or if that's too fancy for you, "kneel." While we're at it, "bannermen" is not a general term, "vassal" is, and variant spellings of "sir" aren't getting you anywhere. I'm speaking especially to video game translators.

Rule of Power

Once, the people were distraught at the state of their laws and begged for a lawgiver to come to them. Hearing their supplication, Power Dragon descended.
"Shouldn't Law Dragon have come?" the people asked.
"I am stronger than Law Dragon. Therefore I conquered him and assumed his role."
From that, the people learned one important law. They desired to have more laws still but were perplexed by manifold considerations and subtleties.
"Then let the strongest among you decide."
"Is strength same as wisdom?" the people wondered.
"By no means!" Reason Dragon declared that during his descent. Soon Mercy Dragon and Harmony Dragon arrived as well. Their discourse on the science of law soon became bickering.
Power Dragon allowed them to engage in that for a moderate interval before he slapped all three away with his terrible claws and sent them tumbling. He departed without another word, confident the people comprehended the incident's significance.
Finis

A Caution

While we all know printer's devils are less cool than the name makes them sound, it's a mistake to make them into actual devils. It's too cutesy. If anyone has already done that, I forgive you, but cut it out.

Timing Your Release

Donkey Kong Bananza is almost out. Have you completed you banana fantasy story yet? Or was it bananapunk or a banana opera? I don't know what any of those things are, which is why I'm not rich.

Speaking of TCGs

If nerds like cards so much, why aren't books printed on cards? That way, putting them together in the right order is a fun puzzle, plus you can charge them a thousand times for a short novel.

Shaping Up

You've heard of round worlds and you've heard of flat worlds, but have you ever heard of ribbon-like worlds? Probably, followed by ". . . seemed like a neat idea but I couldn't think of anything that it would do for the story." That kind of thinking is why we haven't colonized the sun yet.

Unbeatable Idea for the Next Magic: The Gathering Set

Harry Potter.

Unbeatable Idea for the Next Yu-Gi-Oh Archetype

Summer Skull. Think about it. More importantly, think about a mobile game that isn't a simulator, and also it's a crossover game with every trading card game, and it's a gacha. Tower defense? Maybe.

Castle of Bones

The master of the Castle of Bone went out into the world. To the assortment of bones, hundreds of thousands, he intended to add one more of a type not yet used, just as his predecessors for centuries had done. He traveled from city to cemetery, not by any means ignoring pastures or the wilds where strange beasts chose to die. In every instance, the catalogue informed him the material had been used already.
Down rivers, across lakes, and over mountains he ventured, under them too, though none of their names did he trouble himself to learn. Outside one city, a funeral was underway as he passed. The matter had no interest for him since nothing but a man and woman were being interred. He inquired nevertheless on account of propriety, something necessary for the castle's master to guard. He was informed that he witnessed the funeral of a local man and his wife, both blameless. Hearing that, he requested a bone from each and was not refused by the heirs because the master's influence extended even as far as that, and farther.
He returned and increased the castle's size with materials he thought impossible to acquire, the bones of blameless people, whereupon the Castle of Bone vanished. With his powers he perceived immediately the castle was becoming the foundation of a new world, and from that he realized the proportion of sin and virtue is even such in every world there is.
Finis

Sad Fifth of July

It's time to turn the keys back over to the English. We probably should have tried to get a better deal, but I suppose we shouldn't judge too harshly in hindsight.

Happy Fourth of July

Happy Fourth of July to all Americans, and to all non-Americans, you get a day too. It just won't have as many explosions in it.

Patriotic Fantasy

Can't say I know of any unless wuxia counts, which means there's a gap in the market to exploit. Get going, fellas!

Microsoft News

Now that videogames are dead, can literature thrive again? Or is this the new age of genre radio? Here's the newest thing: A news podcast that presents news reports about a fictional universe all written by AI and lightly edited by someone who has a vague grasp of the continuity.

Addendum

Maybe they have such integrity that they refuse to find terrestrial substitutes for ingredients which will be discovered only in the distant future.

The Missing Element in Science Fiction

There must be one somewhere, but I've never read any science fiction that Redwall's it up with lengthy feast descriptions. Don't these authors want to sell cookbooks?